


Saturdays at Maria's

by Turtlewatcher



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst but also fluff, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Medium Burn, Modern AU, Modern Era, POV Reiner Braun, Reibert - Freeform, small town
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 78,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Turtlewatcher/pseuds/Turtlewatcher
Summary: Reiner resumed breathing, only now realizing that he had been holding in all his air. As it whooshed out of him, his cheeks burned. This was humiliating on so many levels. He was sure everyone must be staring at him. Their eyes were supposed to be closed, but he snuck a glance around.Nope. Everyone was just sitting. Well, notjustsitting, as Reiner had come to find out. Bertolt moved back to the front to resume the lesson. How had he managed to find such long yoga pants?
Relationships: Gabi Braun & Reiner Braun, Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Comments: 148
Kudos: 185





	1. Inflexible

“Your form is shit.” Levi prodded Reiner in the back.

Reiner finished his movement, dropped the weights, and huffed.

“C’mon, coach. I can lift plenty of weight. Why is it such a big deal if my form isn’t perfect?”

Levi tsked. “It’s not just imperfect, it’s shit. As I said.”

“You could hurt yourself.” Annie’s expression was flat, but Reiner knew she cared.

Adding insult, Levi said, “You should go with Mikasa to one of Hoover’s classes.”

Reiner rolled his eyes. “Who-what?”

“Cut the attitude, Braun. Come here.” 

Reiner begrudgingly joined Levi at the open patch of gym floor.

“Follow me,” Levi clipped out.

Reiner gaped as Coach Levi’s palms touched the floor.

“Ok, you’re good at everything, so that doesn’t count.”

“Stop stalling.” 

Reiner huffed. He hated that Levi could always see through him. Between Annie and their coach, Reiner was doomed to transparency. 

He let out the breath he had been holding in anxiously. His hamstrings and face burned with embarrassment when he realized his fingers were just short of his ankles. Coming back to upright, Reiner saw that Levi’s arms were crossed.

“Ask Mikasa for the class details,” Levi said bluntly before walking away, arms still crossed.

Reiner looked at Annie, hoping for some kind of assurance. He should have known better. She showed no sign of empathy about his predicament, and if anything looked a little smug.

“And how come you don’t have to go?” Reiner demanded.

Annie gave a little smirk. “Because, my form is excellent.”

“Mikasa’s form is perfect and she goes.”

“That’s because she likes it. Says it centers her, or some shit.” 

“Don’t you think it’s a little girly?”

She scoffed before telling him, “Get over yourself, Reiner.” 

Annie walked off to the changing rooms. She had never really been one for saying ‘see you later.’ Neither was Levi, for that matter. Reiner groaned quietly to himself at the prospect of having to text Mikasa for details on a yoga class. What the hell did Annie mean? Get over himself? 

Whatever, he needed to focus on more important things. Like, what was he supposed to tell his parents? He would probably have to lie, because he definitely could not tell them he was going to a yoga class. He would never hear the end of it. He pulled out his phone. 

_At least I can count on Mikasa to not give me shit,_ he thought. She was even less talkative than Levi, and equally serious.

**Reiner:** Hey coach told me to go with you to yoga

He expected at least a question about the origin of this request, or maybe even a comment on why he had not actually asked a question himself. But, no, she obviously knew where this was going and did not bother extending the conversation beyond necessity.

**Mikasa:** Beginners is Wednesday @ 6:00 PM. The studio is on Trost Street.

Huh. Was she going to a Beginner class or was she just telling him that’s when it was? If she was, that seemed odd, considering how long she had been going. Also, he was a pretty fit dude. Did she really think he could only handle Beginner stuff? How hard could it be? He edited this flurry of mental inquiry to a single line.

**Reiner:** You go to beginner?

**Mikasa:** I go on Wednesdays with Armin.

Armin? As in his coworker, Armin? Reiner would wait until the morning to confirm, not wanting to bother Mikasa with any more questions. Although, it was basically confirmed. Even if there were another Armin in their sad little town, which surely there was not, Mikasa could only mean one of her best friends. One of two people, that was, that she had deemed to be worth spending any time with outside of work and the gym. Maybe three, if you counted Sasha.

Of course, there was that one time she had briefly stopped talking to the both of them. Her, and half of the town. It took the town a lot longer to come around than she did, though. Not shocking, all things considered. He secretly admired her for being the first person to be seen with them after that.

Reiner packed up and slung his bag over his shoulder. He could just shower at home. It was not like he had anywhere to be on a Monday night. 

The drive was as boring as it was long. Really, thirty minutes was not _that_ long. It sure felt like it, though. Nothing was around but highway light poles and a frame of dark trees. How his parents could stand to be outliers in a town that was itself an outlier, he did not know. 

Most of the drive was spent in quiet contemplation about this class. He would say he could not believe that Levi wanted him to do this, but, no, he could believe it. Technically, he did not have to do it. What was Coach going to do, give him an F? Then again, why bother hiring Levi if he was not going to listen to him?

Wednesday at six. Reiner’s face pinched in concentration. Hoover. Surely the yoga instructor was not his old classmate, Bertolt Hoover. Right? He hoped not. That would really make him feel accomplished, huh? Someone from his high school class might already be leading their own studio and here he was just trying to work out at night, sort books by day, and move out from his parent’s house at some point. A cute classmate, no less.

No one was with him in the car, but he sighed audibly anyway. If the Hoover in question was in fact his attractive fellow high school graduate, he was extra screwed. Not only would he have to attend this dumb class, he would also have control his issues. In the extremely unlikely event that someone as popular as Bertolt would be interested in men, it was even less likely that he would be interested in someone like Reiner, and there was a zero chance of Reiner being able to come out so it was a moot point all around.

Reiner parked the car and shook his head. 

_I’m getting way ahead of myself. I haven’t even seen this dude in four years. And even then, it’s not like we really knew each other._

His nerves were getting the better of him already. He shot a quick text to Armin, unable to wait until tomorrow’s shift.

**Reiner:** Looks like I’ll be seeing you in Hoover’s class Wednesday

**Armin:** Oh, fun! How do you know I’m going?

**Reiner:** Mikasa.

**Armin:** Ah. 

Reiner did not reply, having nothing more to say. He liked talking with Armin, but sometimes he felt like they only had the library in common. That, and… certain preferences. 

The lock turned clunkily and the door squeaked. Reiner eased himself through the door, hoping he would not wake any one. Soft snoring could be heard from the stairs. At least his parents were asleep. Every day that they asked him about his day was starting to feel like another day he was not living on his own. A pale light shown from under a door in the upper hall.

Reiner knocked softly, peeking into the room. “Hey, Gabi.”

“Hi.” Her fingers were typing on her phone and she only spared him a glance. 

He began shutting the door, but she called out.

“Wait! Sorry, I was just texting. Do you want to come in?”

Reiner smiled and let himself in. “How was school?”

Gabi shrugged. “It was ok. Same stuff. What about the library?”

“Hah. Same stuff. But, it’s alright. Monday’s are when the seniors visit and they’re always really sweet. Pieck’s grandmother was telling me for the fourth week in a row about how they used to have to use card catalogs.”

He smiled fondly. He would have to tell Pieck about that the next time he saw her. Come to think of it, it had been a long time since they had hung out.

“You really are a big softie.” Gabi looked amused.

Reiner shrugged. “What can I say? Don’t blow my cover, alright, sis?”

“Duh. I start high school next year. I need everyone to think I have a giant on my side so no one picks on me.”

Reiner started, a little surprised. “And does anyone? Pick on you?”

“Hmm? Oh, no, not really. It was mostly a joke. Since high school is supposed to be all big and bad, you know?”

He chuckled and ruffled her hair before heading out the door. She shoved his hand away. Or, at least, tried to. He paused before leaving the room.

“It’s really not all that big or that bad.” 

He stepped lightly to the bathroom. Unfortunately, no amount of light-footedness could stop the older boards from creaking under his weight here and there. His parents must have gotten used to it a long time ago, though. It had been ages since he had woken them up in the night just by walking around.

Once tucked into bed, he slid his laptop next to him. Volume off? Check. Reiner had never really enjoyed listening to porn. He scrolled a little through the typical stuff, trying a few videos out. Per usual, it was still not his thing. He clicked quickly over to the gay porn section.

A sense of guilt still gripped him and he could not place it. It would always slip away as he submitted to the scintillating sight of two men with each other, but returned after his own goals had been met. His dirty little secret, he supposed. 

Ok, that was a little dramatic. Annie knew and for some unearthly reason they were still best friends. Annie was short on talk and brooding, yet they spent a fair amount of free time together. He would always find his way to her company when things got bad, and the same went for her to him. 

His parents had been so thrilled that he was taking her to the prom, having spent the better part of his teenage years bothering him about bringing home a girlfriend. He had convinced himself it would all work out. 

The moment was seared in his brain, somehow the clearest of his high school memories. Disappointment across her face as he had pulled away stiffly, his unease obvious. He had felt like he had confirmed his worst nightmare. How the hell did she stay friends with him after that?

Gabi knew, too. He had told her in a panicked moment after he got home that night. Her reaction had been anticlimactic. “And?!” she had said. Against her will, she promised to keep her mouth shut. She still periodically bugged him about opening up to more people. 

And why the hell was he getting so moody and reminiscent about the past? The answer prickled under his skin, but he pushed it down. His comforter fell warmly around him and he tried to forget.


	2. Easy Flow

“So, Armin. Hoover’s class. That’s Bertolt from school, right?” 

Reiner’s own teeth gritted. He really did not want to ask, but the urge to know had overwhelmed him. The old oak circulation desk felt like a trap. Armin either did not sense or was ignoring the tension in Reiner’s question. His voice was as light and kind as always when he answered.

“Yep, the same! Kind of surprising, huh?”

“Yeah.” 

Reiner picked at a hangnail. Armin was unperturbed.

“I totally thought he would stay in the city after college. But, then he came back here and took over that studio. He’s really good, too. At least, that’s what Mikasa says.”

Armin’s comment about college struck Reiner in more ways than one. One was the old, dull sting of the fact that he himself had never left this town. The second, he addressed out loud.

“We all thought you would stay in the city, too.”

Armin shrugged nonchalantly. He was rarely ruffled. 

“I like it here, and I take care of my grandpa.”

Reiner simply nodded, unsure of what else to say.

“Anywho,” Armin slid off the desk where he had been perched, “We should lock up and get going. If this is your first class, you might need extra time to get set up.”

“Sure. So, does Eren go with you?”

“Hmm?” Armin glanced over from his darkening computer screen. “Oh, no, he’s at home.”

Home. How could Armin talk so freely about it? Reiner watched him with awe from over his own monitor. He was pretty average on the surface, discounting his weirdly blue eyes, but underneath there was a strength Reiner could not relate to. Even Eren, a known hot head, seemed to find calm when it came to Armin.

“Oh, cool,” Reiner said lamely.

He slid his keys out of his pocket and held the big door open for Armin to pass. The lock clinked and they strolled out to the modest parking lot together. Their cars were parked in the usual spots beside each other, under a shady tree.

“I’ll see you there,” Armin said cheerfully.

“See you.”

Reiner’s old car turned over and he eased out of the space. He felt excited and anxious to a point of nausea. Which was ridiculous, it was just one class. Just one beginner yoga class, with one old high school crush. A crush which was buried and dead and only now had any revival because it was a new experience. Yes, he told himself, that was why he was so nervous. It was just something new.

However, no amount of denial could stop him from packing his best workout shorts and tank top. It had not prevented him from sliding a little container of pommade into his gym bag. And it definitely did not stay his hand when he spritzed a tiny bit of cologne over himself before exiting the single restroom of the adorable, quaint studio.

Armin waved Reiner over to a spot in the middle of the room. Mikasa was rolling a mat out to his other side. He felt like a giant in between them, bound to stick out like a sore thumb. 

Mikasa leaned over to him. “Is that cologne, Braun?”

“Shut up,” he whispered back.

“Reiner. Long time no see.” Bertolt’s voice came easy and relaxed from behind him.

Reiner chided himself for turning around so fast. His pulse jumped a little at the prospect that Bertolt both recognized him and remembered his name.

_Don’t be an idiot._

“Uh, yeah. How’ve you been?”

“Good. I brought you some stuff you might need. This is your first yoga class, right?” Bertolt held out a pillow and two hard foam blocks.

Reiner accepted the stack hesitantly. What on earth these could be for? He was about to ask, but Bertolt was already uttering a ‘good to see you’ and walking to the front of the class. His shirt already had signs of sweat.

Most of the class had taken a seat, so Reiner plopped down crossed-legged in imitation. So far, so good. He glanced at Armin. Armin was seated sort of on the cushion thing and Reiner wondered if he should be doing that, too. Then again, Mikasa was not.

“Good evening, and welcome to our Wednesday Easy Flow class. We have a few new faces today. Please, if you have any questions, just ask. Let’s start by taking a seat.” Bertolt’s voice was soothingly calm.

Reiner noticed a shift in the room. They had been sitting already, but this was different.

“Make sure you are sitting up straight, with your sit bones firmly pressing into the floor. You may want to use a cushion if your back is rounding. Sitting is an active position. Use your core to draw yourself up.”

Bertolt began talking them through the proper breathing sequence. Great, now he had to breathe right, too? Reiner’s back was more than rounding. He grabbed the cushion, embarrassed to already need a crutch. Bertolt stood up and began walking the room.

_No, relax, just follow Armin._

He slid the cushion under his ass and attempted a straight back with legs crossed. How could sitting be so difficult? On top of that, he was supposed to be breathing into his belly and exhaling up? Fuck Levi.

Breathing became immensely more difficult when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“May I?” Bertolt asked softly. 

Reiner managed half of a, “Sure.”

A large hand was on his lower back, pressing. The other hand on his shoulder pulled back gently. Reiner could feel the difference and it made him angry. He could not even sit right! On top of that, he was feeling very confused right now and a little light headed.

Bertolt leaned in a little, speaking even softer. As if it were meant for Reiner only. 

“Don’t forget to breathe.” 

And like that, the hands were gone. 

Reiner resumed breathing, only now realizing that he had been holding in all his air. As it whooshed out of him, his cheeks burned. This was humiliating on so many levels. He was sure everyone must be staring at him. Their eyes were supposed to be closed, but he snuck a glance around.

Nope. Everyone was just sitting. Well, not _just_ sitting, as Reiner had come to find out. Bertolt moved back to the front to resume the lesson. How had he managed to find such long yoga pants? Reiner’s gaze moved up the long legs, but got caught at the midsection. 

He squeezed his eyes back closed immediately with realization. A muted outline of Bertolt’s member could be seen. It should not be surprising, considering the nature of spandex. 

_Get it together. Stay professional._

Reiner’s clenched jaw was definitely going against the mandate to relax his face. Again, he thought,

_Fuck Levi._

Blessedly, the upcoming exertions tore his mind from any thoughts of bulges. He felt a sweat beginning to break as they moved through what was meant to be a very basic flow, according to Bertolt.

Both blocks and the pillow were thoroughly utilized by the time they made it to Savasana. Clearing his mind was suddenly easy as he lay back into the final pose. He felt seriously wrung out. At least holding himself up had not been so bad. And, he had been able to do that chatu-whata push-up thingy. 

Physically, he had been more tired before. Mentally, he was exhausted. Against every fiber of his being, he brought his fingers and toes in little motions when Bertolt told them to. Soon, they all were sitting back up, which had become only marginally easier than the first time, ‘hands in front of their hearts.’

Then, as if they had not just been put through an hour of torture, everyone was packing up. Reiner followed suit slowly, returning his pillow and blocks to the neat stack in the back of the room. Bertolt was at the front counter and wishing his students a good evening as they filed out the door. 

“Bye, Reiner, see you at work,” Armin said, giving a little wave. He and Mikasa left and Reiner saw that he was one of four people in the studio. Two of the four were people who were taking a long time to pack up. Bertolt, of course, was the third person.

Reiner felt nervous about saying anything, but could not resist wanting to talk to Bertolt.

“This was harder than I thought,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. Great, so tactful.

Bertolt just smirked at that. “I hope you liked it.”

“I don’t know if I would use that word, per se.”

A bigger grin from Bertolt. He did not seem at all offended by Reiner’s lackluster review.

“The first time is always the hardest. I also have beginner classes on the weekends. If that, uh, suits your schedule better.”

“Oh. Thanks. Well, yeah, maybe I will.” 

Reiner wanted to zip his own lips. Why was he saying this? Was he seriously considering returning? His original plan was to complain until Levi let the idea go. He had really been looking forward to telling Levi how terrible this all was and what a bad idea it had been. 

Soft green eyes and a hesitant smile were affecting him in all the same ways as years ago. This was the closest he had ever been, though. And it was the first time the smile and eyes were directed right at him. Coming back here was going to get him in trouble, Reiner could feel it.

“That would be great,” Bertolt said quietly. 

It seemed genuine. And in spite of every piece of him telling him to run, Reiner smiled back as charismatically as ever and said,

“Yeah, I’ll check out the schedule. Thanks.” 

Now, he propelled himself out the door before any more damage could be done. When had he gotten so anxious? A ring tone sounded from his pocket. He forgot to put it on silent and thankfully it had not rung during class.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Can you please pick me up from practice?”

“Yeah, of course. Where’s dad?”

He fished his keys out of his other pocket.

Gabi sighed on the other line. “Some church thing came up, you know how it is”

“I see. Ok, I’m over on Trost so I’ll be there in like fifteen.”

“Thanks!”

He put his bag in the back seat, leaving the front open for Gabi. There was nothing like dependable Pastor Dad running off to solve someone else’s problems.

He honked as he pulled up to the track bleachers. Gabi appeared at the fence opening, waving goodbye to a few of her friends. She bounded to the car, track practice clearly not having sufficiently depleted her energy.

“Thanks,” she said again, climbing into the car. 

“No problem.” He hesitated at the next part, unsure why he was doing this to himself. “Actually, I think I’ll be taking my class again next week. I can plan to pick you up next week, too.”

“The one your coach made you go to? What is it, anyways?”

He cleared his throat. “You, uh, you can’t tell Mom and Dad.”

“Okay… Why?”

“It’s a yoga class.”

Gabi burst out laughing and he scowled at her. Defending the very class he had once mocked, he said,

“What’s the big deal? It’s just yoga. It’s a good work out.”

“Yeah, I know! Just, the way you said it made it sound like a big deal. Why do you care if Mom and Dad know what class it is?”

“Uh… It’s just not really a thing dudes go to, right?”

Gabi crossed her arms at him. “That’s sexist and, honestly, not even a good excuse. You just don’t want to give them any reason to think that you’re gay. Which, for the record, going to yoga is _not_ gay.”

“Don’t say that.”

“What? That you’re sexist? Or that you’re gay?”

Reiner stiffened in his seat. Gabi softened.

“Reiner. They’ll have to find out one day.”

“Well, maybe that day could at least wait until I have my own place.”

Gabi’s tone turned back to something harder. “The library pays fine, doesn’t it? Sometimes I think you’re just procrastinating.”

“So I don’t want them to disown me? Sue me, Gabi!”

He had not meant to yell. His heart sank as soon as it came out and he saw her turn her face to the passenger window.

“I’m sorry,” he said much more gently, “I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“You can’t hide forever,” she muttered. 

He came to a stop at the end of their drive.

“I could come live with you. It could be like a dumb sitcom.” She was trying to cheer him up. 

He laughed, feeling a little lighter knowing how much she cared.

“And me deal with a high schooler? I don’t think so!” 

She playfully punched his arm at that before they slid out of the car.

“So, what’s for dinner?” He asked her, setting up for a tease.

“Why should I know?”

“Because, you’re a _little lady_ , miss,” he mockingly repeated their mother’s words from a few days prior. 

As a rule, Gabi avoided the kitchen as much as possible, unless she had business with the microwave, and their mom was very disappointed in her lack of homemaking skills to date. Reiner was the one who liked to cook. Even worse, he loved baking. 

Gabi hung up her coat and keys on the rack and Reiner did the same by habit. Next, shoes off. The smell of dinner wafted from the kitchen and he perked up. His stomach growled loudly enough for Gabi to laugh. Their mom stood at the stove.

“Hi you two. Dinner is almost ready. Thanks for picking up your sister, Reiner.”

“Sure, no problem.”

Gabi left to set to the table, all things dishes being her realm of chores for the week. 

“And how was your class? What was it again?”

“Oh, it was ok. Kind of tough. It’s a kickboxing class,” Reiner lied. 

“At the gym?”

“Yep. Coach Levi recommended it.”

As he said it, he realized that there was a complete possibility of his parents running into Levi at the store or around town in general. He was going to have to cover his tracks. Maybe him admitting that Levi was right about the yoga would brighten the coach up enough to be willing to lie for him. He hoped he was not already screwed.

Gabi did not comment on his lie or even make a face. She might still be mad that he was hiding in the closet, but she would never give him away.

They heard the front door creak open and heavy footsteps approach. Their father appeared soon after, dressed in his suit and smiling.

“I’m home!” 

They all chorused ‘hellos’ and he turned to Gabi.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up from practice.”

“It’s ok. Reiner said he can start picking me up on Wednesdays.”

“Oh? That would be great. Thanks, bud.” His father clapped him on the back on his way to the table. 

Reiner and Gabi sat down also and their mom served their plates. They did not always get to eat together, but their mom successfully got them all to the table at least half of every week. Reiner’s stomach growled rudely in the middle of prayer.

Maybe Gabi was right and he really should move out sooner than later. It would be nice to be able to eat without thanking whoever the hell may or may not be upstairs. His religious attitude was questionable at best and only kept in check out of respect for his parents. He would have to cook and clean for himself, but the prospect grew more inviting every day. 

The itch to leave home had come late for him, but felt urgent now that it had hit. He had to admit a tiny part of him had been inspired when Armin had told him Eren was moving in last year. Maybe he could bring a boy home with him, too.

_Who am I kidding? Like there’s a boy in this town who would want to come home with me._

Bertolt’s face flashed through his mind but he stuffed it down. He felt pathetic. A twenty-three year old virgin, living at home, reliving a teenage crush


	3. Saturday Salutations

Reiner could not tell you why he had found himself here. Why had he pulled himself out of his warm, never-judging bed at eight in the morning on a Saturday? 

Oh, right.

Bertolt greeted them all from the front of the class, voice warm and velvety. Reiner felt one hundred times more self conscious without Armin or Mikasa here and questioned, for the millionth time, why he had done this. 

Oh. _Right._

Bertolt. He stood smiling and Reiner shoved down all the shitty thoughts and focused on what Bertolt was calling a Sun Salutation. Apparently, this was a thing you could come do on a perfectly good Saturday morning in order to punish yourself, as well as your shoulders. It would not be one salutation. No. Since they were beginners, it would be an “easy” round of twenty-seven. 

They were on number five and Reiner definitely hated himself.

It was only his second savasana ever, but he felt it surely could not be beaten. Corpse pose, Bertolt had told them it was also called. Reiner felt that was very accurate at the moment. The time was meant to be spent ‘empty,’ but he found himself replaying the conversation with Levi from two days prior.

Levi had initially, and understandably, questioned why Reiner would ask him to lie in the highly unlikely event that his parents ever casually asked the coach about this new class. Reiner had only told Levi that he did not think his parents would understand. Even though it was vague and barely a reason, Levi’s face had softened uncharacteristically. He had agreed without further discussion and thanked Reiner for going to the class.

Reiner lingered post-namaste, fishing his mind for a question he might ask. It was as if his body held him against his will. Logically, he should be on his way. There was nothing he needed to know and no reason to talk to Bertolt. And yet, he dragged the process out until once again he was one of few people left. He made his way to the front desk.

“You came back.”

“Sure. Thanks. It was good.” Good definitely was not how he felt about the morning class, but he was attempting to be more polite than he had been last time.

Bertolt’s little smile was knowing. “It’s a challenging practice. I’m a little surprised you came. I thought you were only here because of your coach?”

Reiner straightened. “How did you know?”

“Oh,” he paused. Was he blushing? “Armin.”

“You’re friends?” Reiner’s tone was incredulous.

“Yeah. Is that… a problem?” Bertolt gave him a funny look. It was like he was watching for Reiner’s reaction.

“Oh, no. No, I’m sorry. I was just surprised. We work together, you know.”

Very surprised. How had he not known that? Sure, it was a small town, but since when did Bertolt and Armin hang out? He thought back to high school and could think of a few times he had seen them together. Either way, that meant Bertolt did not mind about-

Bertolt’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “Yeah. At the library, right?”

“Yep.”

This was by far the longest conversation he had ever had with Bertolt Hoover, and he wished it could last longer. But, every moment here was another chance to embarrass himself and he felt he might be reaching the limit of his luck.

“So, I’ll see you Wednesday?”

Reiner thought Bertolt looked a little sheepish, but he was sure it was all in his head.

“Yeah,” Reiner confirmed. He would see him Wednesday.

“Great,” Bertolt said softly.

“Bye,” Reiner said quickly.

Bertolt replied so quietly that Reiner just barely heard him say goodbye as he hustled out the door. He resisted looking back and instead pressed forward to his car. He had skipped breakfast out of anxiety and was starving now. Still, Reiner felt proud that he had come all by himself to do this. 

He held his phone to his ear, feeling like maybe he wanted just a little more today.

“Hey,” said a sullen voice.

“Annie. Want to get brunch?”

“Sure, why not. Let me guess, in the next ten minutes?”

Reiner laughed. “It will be my treat.”

“Hmm, I do like free food. Maria’s?”

“Of course. Want me to pick you up?”

“In your shitty car? No, I’ll drive. I have errands to run after. See you there.” 

The line cut off and Reiner frowned at his Honda. Old, yes. Shitty? Well, a little. Whatever, it got him places. Specifically, it would get him to brunch just fine.

Good old Maria’s. A town staple since the beginning of time, as far as any currently living residents were concerned. Annie had beat him there somehow and was already lounging at a table in the back corner. Her favorite seat.

“Early morning workout?” Annie spared a quick scan of Reiner’s outfit.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Yoga?”

How the hell did she know? He picked up a menu and reluctantly confirmed her guess.

“Yes.”

A sly smirk spread onto Annie’s face, which was never a good sign.

“He’s that hot, huh?”

Reiner choked on his own spit. His cheeks flared red from lack of oxygen. Also, Annie’s comment.

“N-No! What’re you talking about?” He sputtered, getting his breathing under control.

“I heard you wore cologne.”

He felt dumbfounded. Yeah, it was a small town, but just how much gossip was circulating about him? How would Annie know that? She was not exactly a huge socialite.

“Mikasa told me,” she said, answering his unspoken question.

Maybe Reiner was wrong in his assumption that Mikasa was less talkative than Levi. Since when did Annie and Mikasa talk?

He attempted to deflect the topic. “So, you talk to Mikasa now?”

He expected her to call him out on the change of subject, but instead she just switched back.

“Depends. So, do you still like him or something? I don’t know why else you would go to a weekend class.”

Reiner sighed and reminded himself that it was he who had called her. He was supposed to be listening to his fourteen year old sister’s advice and opening up a little to his friends.

“It’s been years since high school. I’m not some crushing teenager. How did you know I used to like him, anyways?”

“I know because we only spent like ninety percent of our time together in high school.”

Reiner stared at the menu, having picked his meal long ago.

“C’mon, Reiner. Do you like him?”

“Annie, I don’t even know him.”

“So?”

“So, for all I know, I wouldn’t like him.”

“But, you do.”

“Why do you care? You never ask me about this stuff.”

Annie leaned back in her seat and looked down her nose at him. Her face was almost soft, which was as close to comforting as he ever saw on her features.

“Because, you’re my friend. I know we don’t talk much, but… Just, you know. If you needed to talk. I’m here is all I’m saying.”

Reiner smiled and said, “I know. Thanks.”

He was about to float the idea past her of his moving to a place of his own, but the door chimed and they both swiveled their heads to look. There was always a chance of someone you knew coming in to Maria’s when you were there. Well, as it turned out, Reiner did know him.

He snapped his face back to his menu before Bertolt had the chance to see that Reiner had seen him come in. 

“Oh my god,” Annie hissed.

Reiner cursed himself. He could not have made it more obvious that he was indeed like a teenager with a crush. Like Annie needed any help seeing straight through him. 

“You could invite him over.”

“You don’t even like people.”

Annie shrugged.

“Besides, we don’t even know each other,” he continued.

“Whatever you say.”

Reiner snuck a glance back towards the door, but the tall figure had disappeared. He turned a little further, but only saw their server coming towards them. At least he already knew what he was going to order.

“Other side.”

Reiner glared at her for a moment, but looked over his other shoulder. Bertolt was a mere two tables away. He looked nervous, as if he was trying to make himself smaller than he really was. Which was obviously impossible for someone of his stature. The quaint cafe tables only served to make him look even taller. 

He knew he should look away. Knowing that, he still could not stop looking at the dark hair climbing down the long neck. An oversized hoodie hung from his lean frame, but tanned skin peeked out from underneath. Reiner’s pulse quickened when Bertolt began to peel off the hoodie, apparently warm enough now that he was inside. His arms were lean, but toned like the rest of what Reiner had seen of him thus far. 

Reality caught up and Bertolt began to look up and around, possibly sensing the eyes roaming over him. Reiner snapped back to his menu. Which was for the best, because he had been two seconds away from audibly sighing at the sight. Besides, it was time to order.


	4. Friday at The Dot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - Chapter contains a homophobic slur.
> 
> Also, random, but in my mind, YoungAdult!Bertolt looks like just like a tall Kyan Douglas (no beard). I have no celebrity equivalent for Reiner, though.

“- Amen,” his father concluded. 

Reiner repeated the sentiment, but dug into his food with no such grace. The day had been long, surprisingly busy, and he was looking forward to getting out tonight. He had even squeezed in some gym time before coming home for family dinner.

“Are you going to be out late tonight, Son?” His father asked.

“Probably. I might stay with one of the guys in town.”

Gabi gave him a wink that only he could see. He gave her a light kick under the table, to which she only smirked.

“Oh, good, I hate thinking about you driving the highway in the middle of the night.” His mother smiled genuinely at him. 

His parents might be god-fearing, but they had never begrudged drinking. In moderation, of course. Really, of the churches in town, his fathers’ was relatively relaxed. It gave him a modicum of hope that he might not actually get disowned if he ever came clean to them, at least. Then again, he remembered the words they had spoken after Eren and Armin went public.

Nope.

“As long as you’re safe. Any girls going to be there?”

Reiner held back a sigh and answered his father. In this case, the truth could help him.

“Um, Historia and Ymir. Annie is working the bar tonight, so she’ll kind of be there. Mikasa and Sasha are going, too, I think.”

“I don’t suppose we’ll ever meet any of these friends?” his mom teased.

“You’ve met Annie.”

Both of his parents gave him a look. Thankfully, his mother moved on to Gabi. 

“What time are we picking you up from the Blouse’s tomorrow?”

“Kaya’s mom said any time, no later than two pm.”

“Ok, we’ll call you when we’re on our way.”

“Mmkay,” Gabi mumbled through a mouthful of food. 

Their mom shot a disapproving look about that, but Gabi ignored it. Reiner glanced at the clock on the wall. No phones at the dinner table. It was just past seven, so they would need to leave soon.

“We should go after dinner.”

Gabi finished swallowing this time. “Ok. I have everything ready.”

Their parents excused both of them from doing any cleanup. He and Gabi gratefully accepted the offer. Reiner suspected they were ready to be rid of them for their own reasons, but chose not to linger on that disturbing thought. He and Gabi hugged them goodbye before stepping into the crisp evening air.

“I call music!” Gabi raced ahead of him to get plugged in to the stereo. 

Reiner walked more casually and as a result arrived to a car blasting top forty hits. Gabi’s excitement was infectious and even he had to admit he liked some of the songs. They were catchy, that was for sure.

“So, any boys going to be there?” Her silly imitation of their father’s earlier question was so ridiculous that he had to laugh.

“No, not like that. Don’t be weird.”

“I’m not weird, you’re the one being weird. Surely there must be someone you at least think is cute.”

“I’m not talking about this with you.”

“Whyyy?” Gabi pouted. “I thought siblings were supposed to talk about stuff like this.”

“You’re my fourteen year old sister. I’m practically that much older than you.”

“Ugh. You’re only nine years older, that’s not even close!”

He smiled and glanced over. She was still giving him a look that said she was not letting it go yet.

“Why do you even care?”

“I don’t know, why wouldn’t I?”

She had a fair point, he guessed. Speaking of,

“Ok, well what about you? Any boys _you_ like?”

Her teasing persona immediately shifted to stiff embarrassment.

“N-no!”

“Oh-ho! Who’s being weird, now?”

“Shut up.” She crossed her arms.

He only grinned wider.

“Seriously, B, who is it?”

Unless…

“Is it a girl?” He asked gently. He had always assumed -

“What? No, I’m straight.”

Nevermind, his assumption had been right, then. Gabi sighed and spilled.

“Falco.”

“You mean Colt’s little brother? The quiet one?”

She did not dignify his question with a verbal answer, but she did nod.

“Does he like you?”

“I…” she paused, turning her face away. “I don’t know.”

“Well, he’d be crazy not to. I could always beat him up if he was mean to you,” Reiner joked.

Gabi lowered her arms and giggled at that. “I know for a fact you would never hurt anyone, much less an eighth-grader.”

“Hey, that’s our little secret!”

Gabi poked his side. “Then that makes two secrets I have on you!”

It was a joke, but Reiner sensed there was meaning behind it, too. He felt guilty.

“I’m sorry you have to keep my secret,” he said seriously.

She softened. “It’s ok. I understand.”

Maybe it was the warm moment, or maybe he felt like he needed to make up for the burden she carried for him. Either way, he told her.

“I, uh… I do like someone actually.”

Last weekend he had denied it. But, after a third class with Bertolt he had no choice but to admit that there was attraction there. Bertolt was gorgeous, yes, but it was the way that he quietly led and shyly glanced around that stuck to the corners of Reiners mind.

“What?!” Her scream filled up the car. She immediately turned the volume down on the radio. “Who? Is it Jean? What about Marco? Oh, Marco is so cute!”

“Calm down! Oh, I’m so going to tell Marco you think he’s cute.”

She sunk back into the seat, her face a new shade of red, and protested, “Don’t!”

Reiner chuckled. “Alright, I won’t tell. Besides, they’re definitely straight.”

“Sooo?”

“Ok, I’m going to tell you, but you can’t laugh.”

“Why would I laugh?”

“You’re definitely going to laugh.”

“Can I or can I not laugh?”

“The yoga teacher.”

Gabi, to her credit, did her best. She slapped her hands over her mouth, but Reiner could see the corners of her eyes crinkling and hear muffled giggles. He thought this would be humiliating, and it kind of was, but it was fun at the same time. He felt so cheesy. Here he was, talking with his little sister about boys.

She repeated his own question back.

“Does he like you?”

Reiner scoffed. “No, we’ve barely talked. I’m sure he’s straight. I just think he’s cute, that’s all.”

“What’s his name?”

Reiner was getting close to the Blouse’s house now. He could stall or refuse to tell her. But, he did neither of those things.

“Bertolt.”

Gabi’s eyes went wide in recognition. Reiner pulled to the curb and raised an eyebrow to her.

“I heard he’s really cute.”

What the hell? What kind of gossip was around this town, anyway? He was staring in disbelief, so Gabi went on.

“I heard Kaya’s mom bugging Sasha about it. We were listening in because Mrs. Blouse was telling Sasha that her friend Connie was weird and why didn’t she give a call to Bertolt because he had just moved back and that he was, direct quote here, very handsome.”

Reiner stared contemplatively at the steering wheel. This had to be the smallest place in the world. He should not even be surprised.

“Hmm, sounds like you have competition,” Gabi teased.

He rolled his eyes. “Gabi, I’m not even _in_ the competition.”

“You don’t know that. Ok, thanks for the ride, bye!”

She rushed out of the car at the sight of Kaya coming out to meet her. Reiner shook his head. There was a distinct feeling of wanting more of that conversation while wanting also to forget it ever happened. Right now, he was going to go with option number two.

It was no surprise that parking was absolutely packed. He made his way to the unofficial grass part of the gravel lot at The Dot. It was the only bar in town, if you did not count the other bar-that-shall-not-be-named. Also known as Riders. And really, Riders was not actually in city limits. It was out in the middle of nowhere between a few other small towns, about forty minutes away. 

Reiner had ventured there once, right after he had come out to Annie and his sister. His first mistake had been going on a Friday night. No, that was his second mistake. His first had been to go at all. He had driven all the way out there only to see a glimpse of Armin and Eren there. His curiosity about the rural gay community was far outweighed by his fear of discovery.

Now, as he toyed more frequently with the idea, it seemed too late. He had written off going back out there a long time ago, and it felt weird now. It did not matter tonight, though, because he was here at The Dot and not at Riders, so he might as well forget all about that.

His friends were easy enough to locate. Marco had a tray of shots and was about to leave the bar when he saw Reiner.

“Oh! Reiner, good, you’re here. Annie?” He turned back to ask Annie for another shot, but she had already seen Reiner come in and was setting a ninth shot on the tray. 

“Thanks,” they both said to her, but she was already on to another customer.

Sasha and Connie grabbed their shots before Marco even had the tray down. Reiner took a second to study the freckles that splashed across his cheeks. He had not given it much thought before, but Gabi was right. He was cute.

They all knocked back their tequila before Reiner said, “I’m going to get a drink. Anyone need anything?”

“Oh, a vodka sprite!” Historia held up an empty glass.

Ymir snatched her glass and stood up. “I got it.”

As she barged her way to the bar top, Reiner said, “Anyone else?”

“Oh, maybe Bertolt?” Armin supplied.

What?

Reiner spun around to see a very handsomely dressed Bertolt slouching through the door of their shitty little bar. His throat felt dry. That man had no right to be wearing such a nice sweater. And, seriously, where did he even find pants?

“I invited him. That’s ok, right?” Armin said, a little confused by Reiner’s silence.

The table immediately reassured Armin that it was ok. Reiner nodded, recovering himself.

“Oh, yeah, I just got distracted, sorry. I’ll go ask him what he wants.”

Reiner tried to calm himself. This was exactly what he would do for anyone else, after all. 

“Surprised to see you here,” He said casually, greeting Bertolt near the door.

He had been standing there, glancing around nervously, before Reiner got to him.

“Oh, hi. Yeah, Armin invited me.”

“Yeah, he was just saying. So, do you want a drink? I was about to hit the bar.”

“Sure, great.”

Reiner was about to ask his order, but Bertolt shuffled towards the bar. Oh. He was going to go with him to the bar. Yeah, no big deal. He followed, only to be met with an insufferably smug look from Annie as he sidled up next to Bertolt.

His arm felt electric where it brushed against Bertolt’s. How was this even happening? Reiner snuck a sideways glance and he thought for one moment that Bertolt had been looking at him. 

_No, he was probably just looking at something else._

“So, what are you going to get?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood before Annie got to them.

Bertolt leaned in closer, his face coming close to Reiner’s. “What did you say?”

Torture. Reiner gulped.

“Uh. What’re you getting?”

“Hmm. I’m not sure. Maybe a vodka sprite.”

“Historia likes those,” Reiner blurted out his first thought. Smooth.

There was no chance for further awkward bar talk. Annie came up and asked Bertolt for his order. She had already pulled a bottle of Jack off the shelf and was making Reiner’s usual. 

“Vodka sprite.”

She nodded, slid Reiner’s drink to him, and went back to the shelf. Reiner put down his card for her.

“Are you two close?” Bertolt’s face was still achingly close.

“Yeah. We’re friends.” Reiner did not need to add the second part, but he felt compelled to say it.

“Oh, cool,” Bertolt smiled a little and accepted his glass from Annie. 

Reiner glanced back at their table. Everyone was normal and drinking, but Armin was looking right at him. He felt as see-through as glass. What happened next was even more startling. Armin went from staring to landing a kiss square on Eren’s lips. Which, admittedly, Eren obviously did not mind.

Armin pulled away, but Reiner could not for the life of him stop watching. He felt a prickle of heat in his stomach. Knowing blue eyes were once again on him. Was Armin messing with him? He finally found the decency to avert his gaze. Warmth was creeping all the way up into his ears. 

That fuzzy warmth, while terribly embarrassing, was much better than the next feeling. His stomach plummeted and the bar went silent, save the outdated jukebox. The words echoed in Reiner’s head, and his first instinct had been that they had been aimed at him.

“Fucking fag.” A man stood from the neighboring table.

Reiner did not recognize him. Maybe he was from a neighboring town? Or maybe he was from the sticks. People had looked funny at Eren and Armin before, but Reiner had never witnessed an actual act of aggression towards them. Their town was generally conservative, but most people were civil at the least. 

It was stupid and he knew it, but he could not stop himself. Was it personal offense or a protective feeling for Armin? Reiner knew it was a little of both when he crossed the bar to stand between the stranger and Armin. Eren had stood immediately, fired up, but Reiner remembered school and the fact that Mikasa usually saved his ass. Thankfully, she was not here tonight. He could not imagine her reaction to this situation.

Reiner found himself face to face with the man, arms crossed. Eren was beside him now, but not half as threatening. This guy was heavy and nearly as tall as himself, but Reiner knew first hand that stature was not everything. 

“Wha’, gon’ protect your lil’ girlfriend? I betch’y’re one, too.” The man was already slurring. 

Reiner’s arm shot out to his right, stopping Eren from barging forward. He was brave, at least. Or stupid. If this guy was from the boonies, there was no telling what he could be carrying. Reiner took a tiny moment to think about what a strange situation he had found himself in. It was probably the most extreme thing he had experienced here. 

Annie appeared from around the bar and inserted herself forcefully between Reiner and the bully. It reminded Reiner of Levi for a moment. Short, but menacing.

“Get out.”

Reiner had heard her be stern before, but this was something else. Her voice was icy serious. If they were not the spectacle of the bar before, they were now. This might be the story of the month if this guy decided to push her. 

“Gon’ make me, miss?”

Annie’s stance changed and even Reiner felt a little afraid. If this guy had been more sober, he might have known to get worried. Instead, he moved to push her out of the way. Big mistake. Reiner took a step back and pulled Eren with him as Annie’s hand shot up and clamped around the man’s wrist. His face flashed a look of concern finally. 

“Leave, or I’ll call the cops.”

Annie could have realistically threatened many things, and Reiner secretly wished she would have. But, he knew she could not legally beat this guy up just based on one slur. And, despite her general avoidance of people, she seemed to like this job.

The man’s face was furious, but he stepped back. Annie released his wrist, and he immediately brought his other hand to sooth it. A small posse of mean-eyed bros went with him as he shoved his way forcefully through the exit door. Annie gave Reiner a concerned glance, but silently returned to her post behind the bar. 

A flood of voices erupted around them, but Armin’s voice cut through to Reiner’s ears.

“Thank you, Reiner.” 

“I didn’t do anything,” Reiner said, immediately brushing it off. “Thank Annie.”

Armin stayed serious. “You would have.” 

Reiner had no response, but did not need it. Armin had moved on to soothing a seething Eren, convincing him to sit back down at the table with him. Their whole friend group was asking Armin if he was ok. Reiner looked back at the bar. Bertolt was nowhere to be found. 

Annie waved him over, so he met her at the end of the bar where it was easier to talk.

“Bertolt went to the patio.”

“Ok?” 

What did she want him to do? He thought Bertolt was cute, but he was not his stalker. Annie just gave him a fiery look and would not reply. She went back to pouring. 

He found himself stepping onto the patio. It was getting chilly out, but he felt hot from the adrenaline of the encounter. Bertolt was hunched at one of the old wooden tables, staring out at the dark trees surrounding the property. Three days ago, he had been an unlikely crush and handsome figure at the front of his yoga class. Reiner stalled a moment, watching Bertolt. Now, he was going to have a Dot patio chat with him. 

This patio was notorious for make outs and weird conversations. It was hardly used because it was not a particularly pleasant patio and it had no heaters for when the weather got cold. In the summer it saw some normal traffic, but otherwise remained relatively available for odd moments in the night. And, of course, smokers.

Reiner did not know what to say. He hardly knew why he was out here at all. His feet carried him forward and he felt like he was in a dream. Bertolt did not look up when Reiner sat down on the bench across the table.

“I’m sorry,” Bertolt said quietly into his glass.

“What? Why?”

Bertolt picked at the sad little lime wedge on the rim, nudging it back and forth.

“I just stood there.”

“Are you talking about that idiot from inside?”

“Yeah.”

Reiner paused, searching for the right words, “Don’t worry about that. It doesn’t matter, nothing happened. Anyways, Annie already kicked him out. She doesn’t take shit like that.”

Bertolt looked up at him then, eyes sincere and bright.

“Good. I’m glad. Sorry, I’m just being weird and moping out here. It just really freaked me out when he said that to Armin.”

“Why?” Reiner asked, genuinely curious now. 

What would Bertolt be scared of? He was tall and had to be reasonably strong. Besides, it was not like that guy was talking about him, right? Bertolt looked at him funny with half a smile on his face.

“Oh. I thought it was obvious.”

Reiner felt kind of stupid. What was he missing?

Jean burst out of the patio door.

“Christ, there you are. We wondered where you went. Armin was nervous you had chased that jackass or something.” Jean sauntered over by their table, but did not sit down. He lit a cigarette and leaned against the railing.

“No, I’m not _that_ dumb.”

Jean took a few more drags before bothering to speak. 

“Yeager is. I’m glad you came over before he could get his ass kicked. Then Armin would really have gotten upset. And imagine what Mikasa would say.”

Reiner shrugged and deflected credit again. “Annie saved both our asses, really.”

Jean chuckled. “Heh. Yeah. Kinda scary, though.” He snubbed out the near half-cigarette and tucked it back in the pack for later. “You coming in?”

“Yeah,” Reiner stood up, “I need another drink.”

“Same,” Bertolt muttered, standing up, too.

Reiner beelined for the bar. His brain was stuck on Bertolt’s comment. What was obvious? Annie was already near the end of the bar, thankfully.

“Annie, can I get the usual? And a vodka sprite.”

She raised her eyebrow and allowed herself a smirk. Reiner narrowed his eyes.

“And whose tab?” She asked, still smirking.

“Mine.” 

“Mm.” 

What was that for? Reiner shrugged it off and took the two glasses she handed him. He turned around to give Bertolt his drink. Their fingers brushed and Reiner’s heart flipped over.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to.” Bertolt smiled warmly at him.

“No worries.” Reiner held his glass up and they shared a small toast. 

On the way back to the table Bertolt asked,

“Are you coming tomorrow?”

Reiner had been on the fence about it, but all it took was for Bertolt to ask. 

“Yeah, definitely.”

Reiner had actually packed his gym bag and had it ready in his trunk. He was crashing at Jean’s tonight, but he had already considered the scenario in which we would wake up another Saturday in a row at an ungodly hour to go to Bertolt’s class.

Or so he had thought he was crashing at Jean’s. As soon as he sat down, Jean turned to him.

“Hey look, I’m really sorry man, can you stay somewhere else tonight? Something came up.”

Armin chimed in cheerfully, “Oh, we have a spare room at the house.”

Eren rolled his eyes. “You’re just dying for someone to use it.”

“It’s a nice room! And I just redecorated.”

“That’s cool, Jean, no problem. You sure?” He asked, turning to Armin and Eren.

Eren said, “Sure,” while Armin said, more enthusiastically, “Sure!”

“Cool, thanks. Well, I’ll see you all later.” Jean excused himself, knocked back the last of his glass, and went to settle his tab.

“Where’s he going?” Reiner asked the rest of the table.

“Wouldn’t say,” Sasha said, sipping a beer.

That was weird. It was not like Jean to ditch. Hopefully everything was all right. 

“Reiner, I think we’re probably leaving soon, though. Is that ok?” Armin looked fretful.

There was no need to worry, though. This worked out. Reiner could get some sleep and avoid digging himself into a bigger hangover before class.

“Sounds good to me. I’ll go settle with Annie.”

Marco was cheerfully asking Bertolt about the yoga studio when Reiner returned to the table. Eren and Armin were ready to go. 

“Shit, I just remembered Jean brought us here,” Eren frowned.

Reiner’s curiosity grew. What could have made Jean ditch all three of them on a Friday night?

“No big deal, we can take my car. Although, any chance either of you have had less to drink?” He led the way to his modest Honda. He could handle the short drive, probably, but why risk it?

“I can drive. Thanks, Reiner.” Armin tucked some hair behind his ear. Eren walked heavily beside him, obviously still upset about the whole situation.

“It’s really no problem, don’t worry about it.”

Walking away from the bar, it occurred to Reiner that he was walking with one of the most perceptive people he knew. His curiosity about Bertolt overrode whatever instinct he had to not show how much he was thinking about him.

“Hey, Armin. Bertolt was telling me earlier that he got nervous and that’s why he went to the patio. I was just wondering, is there any reason?”

Armin’s look was pure surprise. Reiner was really starting to feel like a total moron. 

“Reiner, are you serious?”

“What do you mean?”

They all slid into Reiner’s car. Armin took the keys. 

“I just thought…”

“Thought what?” Maybe he really was dense.

“Nevermind, sorry. But, Reiner, I really thought you knew.”

“Know what?” His voice was growing louder and his frustration showed.

“Dude, Bertolt’s gay.” Eren cut to the chase. 

Speechless. Reiner was speechless. For the hundredth time in the last two weeks, he felt robbed of his vocal chords. 

“What, is that a problem?” Eren accused at his silence.

“Don’t be rude,” Armin chided, “of course Reiner doesn’t have a problem with it, he’s-”

Armin stopped himself at Reiner’s wide eyed stare. Did he know? How the hell would he know?

“Because what?” Eren sat forward. 

Armin scrambled a little before saving the conversation. “Because he’s - Because he obviously doesn’t have a problem or else he wouldn’t have stood up for us tonight.”

“Right. Sorry,” Eren apologized from the back, “I’m just still mad I guess.”

Reiner went along with the change in topic easily. “That’s ok. I’d be mad, too. It was really shitty.”

“Asshole,” Eren muttered in agreement.

They were already pulling up to the house by then, which was only a few minutes drive. Eren wrapped his arm around Armin as they walked up to the house. Reiner might have thought more about it previously, but right then he was completely sucked into his own thoughts.

_Bertolt is gay. He thought it was obvious. Is it obvious? Am I obvious?_

Armin and Eren’s house was tidy and pleasant smelling. Reiner already felt comfortable, even though this was the first time he had actually been there.

“Just be quiet, my grandpa is sleeping. Here’s your room.” Armin opened a door in the hall and Reiner stepped into a space that was obviously curated to be cozy. The bed looked very inviting and plush.

“Thanks again for letting me crash here. And for driving.”

“Oh, it’s really no problem. There are towels and stuff in the bathroom cabinet. The bathroom is across the hall.”

Armin disappeared down said hall when Eren tugged at his arm. 

Reiner sat on the edge of the bed, feeling dazed at the turn of events. He was tired, but felt restless. He slipped off his shoes and moved to lean against the headboard, thinking that it might relax him. A soft knock on the door sounded.

Maybe Armin had forgotten to tell him some house rule, he thought, swinging it open. Armin was there, cup of hot tea in his hands.

“Do you want any tea?” He asked, letting himself into the room.

“No, I’m not a big tea person.” Reiner sat back down on the bed. 

Armin set his cup down and plopped into a plump chair at the corner of the room.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I wasn’t trying to out you.”

Well, he could always count on Armin to not beat around the bush when he had something to say. Reiner did not have the heart to respond yet.

“Does anyone know?” Armin looked inviting and honest.

Reiner had always thought about talking to Armin about this very thing, but never had the courage to. Now, the situation had fallen in his lap and he was still afraid. He looked at his lap.

“Annie. And my little sister.”

Armin let a silence settle between them. Reiner suspected he had plenty to say, but was waiting on him to speak. And so he did.

“How did you know?”

“I had suspected for a while.”

“But, how did you know?” Reiner faced him now.

“I guess after tonight, I felt a lot more sure. I didn’t _know_ until the car ride home. I also didn’t know until then whether or not you were hiding it or just really quiet about it. And, I thought you might want to talk about it. But, if you don’t, I understand. I can leave. I won’t tell anyone.”

“No. You can stay.”

“I know it’s a little scary. When people start to find out.”

Reiner shook his head. Armin’s grandfather was not the head of a church. Reiner’s dad was. 

“You know, if you ever needed somewhere to stay, you can come here.”

Reiner lifted his head at that. “That’s… a big offer.”

Armin shrugged. “I did spend a lot of time decorating. Seriously, though, we’re friends, right?”

Reiner paused at this. For the longest time he had held Armin at arms length. He had always liked him, but wondered if they were actually friends. And if they were friends, what that might have said about Reiner.

He had been selfish.

“Yeah, we are,” he said, feeling a weight lift from him. 

It felt strangely anti-climactic. This whole evening made him feel like liking men was not that big a deal. Yeah, there was that jerk from the bar, but all of his friends had been on Armin and Eren’s side. Why had he not gotten closer to Armin and Eren this whole time? Why was he so scared of telling people? His parents flashed through his mind.

Armin said gently, “It helps to talk.”

Reiner stared at the wall. It was not the best way to carry a conversation.

“I’ve known since high school. Maybe before, but I really knew in high school. Annie and I kissed once.”

It had felt like such a huge thing. He had clung to it for so long. And now he was unraveling in front of his coworker. No, his friend.

Armin laughed a little out loud.

“Sorry,” he said, “it’s just hard to picture the two of you together.”

Reiner chuckled, too, and finally looked Armin in the eye.

“Yeah, I know.”

“What did she say?”

“That she already knew.” A thought occurred to Reiner. “Do you think everyone knows? I thought Annie knew because we were so close. But, if you thought so too…”

“I don’t know what they think. You’ve hung out with us for the last year and we’ve never seen you date anyone. Or try to flirt with Historia. Even Marco made a pass once, before he knew about her and Ymir.”

“Ymir and Historia?”

Armin stared at him. “Reiner, are you blind?”

“I… Well, I’m starting to think maybe I am.”

It was truly the most sincere he had been with anyone in a long time. Was Armin a feelings wizard or something? Armin’s laugh was infectious and he found himself laughing along for a moment.

“They are, like, one hundred percent lesbian. If Historia wasn’t so against PDA, Ymir would be all over her all the time. To be fair, they usually don’t come out with us so I guess you haven’t spent as much time with them.”

Reiner fell back on the bed. This was all too much. Was everyone gay around here?

“I just don’t think my parents would…” Reiner could not finish the sentence. 

It was too painful. And with every passing day it was getting more painful. He closed his eyes. He was definitely going to have to move out. This feeling that had been growing was eating at him and the only relief he had found in years was in telling Armin, of all people, his inner troubles. He was just so exhausted from hiding.

“I was serious about my offer to stay here. And Eren already agreed with me. I asked him before I came to talk to you.”

“Why are you so nice?” Reiner muttered from the bed. 

He looked over in time to see Armin shrugging his shoulders and standing from the cushy chair.

“We have to look out for each other, right?”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah, any time.” He stretched his arms above his head. “I’m going to bed. See you.”

“See you.”

Reiner closed the door and finally stripped off his jeans and climbed into bed. The memory of Bertolt leaning into him at the bar replayed behind his lids as he drifted to sleep.


	5. Not so New Teacher

Reiner sat anxiously at his mat. Where was Bertolt? The studio had been unlocked and everyone had set up for their Saturday morning torture routine, so where was he?

His heart rate spiked when the door to the studio jingled. He convinced himself to act normal and not immediately look over. He tried to sit up better than the poor slouch he had been enacting up until that point. Nervous excitement turned to horror when their teacher unfurled his mat at the front of the class.

_What the actual fuck?_

Levi looked pointedly at Reiner before speaking.

“Good morning all. Bertolt sends his regards and his apologies for the last minute switch. My name is Levi and I will be guiding your practice this morning.”

There was some murmuring around him that echoed Reiner’s thoughts. Where was Bertolt? His first guess was that he had been out later than he should have been. Whatever it was, he secretly cursed Bertolt for this. When had Levi become a substitute yoga teacher? It was not surprising, considering the breadth of Levi’s talents. 

Levi was as soft in yoga as he was in the gym and Reiner genuinely thought about collapsing a few times throughout. Reiner’s enjoyment of the class was largely based on Bertolt leading it and now that he was not here, Reiner seriously questioned why he had come at all. As he hastily packed up, he was sure he would be feeling this terribly the next day.

“Surprised to see me?” Levi walked right up to him.

“Well, yeah.”

“You did alright, you know.”

“Thanks?”

“See you Monday.”

“See you, coach.” Reiner sighed. He was definitely going to Maria’s again. He texted Annie.

 **Reiner:** Maria’s?

 **Annie:** Can’t today

 **Reiner:** Boo

As usual, Annie provided no explanation. Maybe she was running errands, or maybe she was watching TV. Reiner would just have to fly solo.

It was reasonably busy at Maria’s even though it was still a little early. The weather was pleasant that morning and he opted for a patio table.

“Right this way, sir.” 

Reiner followed the host out to the patio, only to find a new surprise. Bertolt was hunched over a two-seater table, looking tall as ever, if a little dishevelled. The messy hair and sunglasses only made Reiner want to groan. Should he say hello?

Bertolt looked up then, and smiled weakly. 

“I can seat you there if you want,” the host offered.

Reiner was not sure what to say, but Bertolt waved at him. The host was already making her way to his table. Reiner followed, the night before playing in his mind. His new information about Bertolt only made him more nervous. Before, the chance of rejection was zero because Reiner was assuming there would never be any opportunity in the first place.

Now what? He was not even actually out, yet. Maybe he should start there first. He doubted impromptu brunch would be the right time.

“Hey, I’m really sorry about class. How was it?” Bertolt took his sunglasses off.

The dark circles under his eyes spoke volumes. 

“Pretty bad. Levi’s a total hard ass.”

Bertolt chuckled softly. “Yeah, sorry.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, just really hungover. I guess I got carried away last night. How was Armin’s guest room?”

“It was fine. Well decorated, as promised.” Reiner tried to be as nonchalant as possible. “I probably would have stayed there longer if I had known you weren’t teaching today.”

Bertolt’s eyes were as soft as his voice. A wonderful shade of green. And they lingered on Reiner, who quickly glanced away upon realizing what he had said. His cheek’s warmed with a blush. Bertolt did not do him the honor of ignoring his implication.

“Why’s that?” Bertolt asked, perking up a little.

Reiner was saved when his phone rang and he saw Gabi’s name pop up.

“Sorry, it’s my sister, I better take it.”

He picked up quickly, silently thanking her timing. His mood lessened when he heard the tone of her voice.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey. Is everything ok?”

“Um… I uh.”

“Gabi?”

“Can you come get me?”

Reiner was already standing before she finished her sentence.

“Where are you?”

“At the park. Off of Main.” 

He thought he heard her sniffle.

“Ok, I’m not far. I’ll be there soon.”

He hung up and turned to Bertolt, who looked at him with concern.

“I’m sorry, I’ve got to go.”

“Is your sister ok?”

“I don’t know.”

“Oh. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

He waved bye to the host who had seated him and rushed to his car. What could have happened? It took willpower to not speed through the tiny center of town towards the park. Getting pulled over would only make things worse.

Gabi was sitting under a big tree when he got there. Her arms hugged her knees and her face was hidden. He parked the car and got out. The crunch of his steps on autumn leaves must have given him away, but she did not look up. He sat down next to her and said nothing. When she finally looked up, his heart broke seeing the tears on her face. He pulled her into a big hug and they sat like that for a while.

“Want to tell me what happened?” He said finally.

“I got stood up.”

“Stood up? By who?”

She sniffled. “Falco was supposed to meet me here. But he never showed up and he didn’t answer my texts and I feel really stupid.”

“Well… you’re not stupid, I’m sure of that much.”

Gabi only sighed. Reiner could relate. No amount of sibling comfort was going to make her not feel bad about it. He was starving by now and could think of one thing that might take her mind, and his stomach, off it.

“Want to go to Maria’s? I’ll buy you a shake.”

“Ok,” she said quietly. 

He stood up and offered her his hand. He pulled her up as hard as possible, making her jump a little. She laughed and pushed him before walking to the car.

The same parking spot was still open that Reiner had just pulled out of half an hour before. He wondered if Bertolt was still here, especially once Gabi asked him,

“Can we sit outside?”

“Sure,” he had answered.

He re-greeted the host. “I’m back, but I’ve got a plus one this time.”

Gabi looked up at him regretfully, only now realizing that he had bailed on a meal to come retrieve her.

“Welcome back!” They replied cheerfully. “Inside or out?”

“Out.”

The walk was identical to the one before. And just as it was earlier, Bertolt sat hunched at a two seat table with his messy hair and sunglasses. This time, he had an empty plate in front of him and was on his phone. Reiner considered saying hello, but did not want to interrupt this one on one time with Gabi.

They were seated near the door and Gabi immediately ordered a shake and fries, not needing to wait. Reiner had chosen his food long before and ordered the burger he had been thinking about since Levi’s class from hell.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were here already.” Gabi said.

“Don’t worry about it. Really. You can call me any time. Besides, we’re here now.”

She smiled at him and he returned it with a grin.

“Hi, again.” He heard the unmistakably soft voice from over his shoulder and he stiffened.

“Hey,” he said, turning in his chair. He leaned his head back in order to look up at Bertolt. “This is my sister, Gabi.”

“Hi, Gabi. I’m Bertolt.” He reached out to shake her hand.

Recognition swept across her face and Reiner waited anxiously for a bigger reaction. She just shook his hand politely. 

“Nice to meet you.”

“Ok. Well, I’ll see you around?” Bertolt looked back to Reiner.

“Yeah. See you around.” Reiner’s eyes followed him as he slipped back through the glass door.

“Oh. My. God.” Gabi’s troubles were clearly forgotten in that moment. 

Reiner could see the gears of teasing turn behind her eyes. He shyly smiled, forgetting embarrassment for the time being. He was happy to see her acting like her usual self, even if it was at his expense.

“Shut up,” he muttered.

“He’ll _see you around.”_ She giggled. “Are you sure he isn’t into guys?”

Reiner shot her a glare now. She did not know what he had recently come to find out, and he was not planning on mentioning it.

“Ok, chill. I’m just saying, he kinda gave you a look.”

“You’re seeing things.”

“Whatever. Be that way.”

He laughed at her absolutism. Right or wrong, she was sure of it. 

The drive home, however, was less light-hearted. Gabi looked nervous. She said their dad sounded funny when she had called to tell them that Reiner was taking her home. Reiner wondered briefly if it had any correlation to her being stood up this morning. He had no idea how, but he could not shake the feeling that something was wrong.

Their suspicions were confirmed upon entering their home. 

“We’re in the living room,” Reiner heard their dad call out. It was his stern voice. 

Gabi looked up at him anxiously. He squeezed her shoulder and followed her into the living room. Their parents were seated on the couch together; a single defense unit. Reiner felt panic rise up. Was this it?

No. Well, not for him. Their eyes were pinned to Gabi. She sat down cautiously on an easy chair. It was the kind with a rocker underneath it and it flopped comedically forward as she perched herself on it. Reiner had been in her exact place before and he felt trepidation for her. He sat quietly on the other, non rocking, chair.

His parents glanced at him, but did not ask him to leave. He was not totally sure if his presence was better or worse, but he felt Gabi might appreciate the solidarity. His parents, to their credit, spoke calmly.

“I got a call from Mrs. Grice this morning,” their mom said.

Ah. Gabi was busted. On the bright side, this most likely meant Falco had been held up against his will. Of course, on the other side, she was definitely in trouble. Reiner’s heart went out to her. He felt like he was watching a sinking ship. Gabi did not fight or argue. She accepted her fate and nodded as their father dealt her sentence.

“You know you aren’t supposed to meet boys alone. Your mother and I are disappointed. You’re grounded from going out with friends for two weeks. You can keep your phone.”

Their mother threw her a bone. “But, I wouldn’t try to contact Falco if I were you.”

It was almost sure that Falco’s phone was in the hands of Mrs. Grice. Their mom did not explicitly state this, but her expression was soft when she gave her advice to Gabi. Gabi nodded again and the conversation was over.

It was no surprise that Falco’s mom had ratted them out, Reiner thought. She was a devout member of their dad’s congregation and was probably more conservative than their own parents. All things considered, they could have been a lot harder on Gabi. But, so far, they had been a lot gentler with her than they had been with Reiner, him being the older child. 

He thought he might resent it, but it honestly made him glad she was getting an easier time of it than he had. Their mom and dad had chilled out considerably over the past few years. Against his will, he felt his hope reignited.


	6. Green

Apparently, Reiner’s newfound presence in the beginner yoga class had excused Mikasa from accompanying Armin. 

“I don’t know, she just said I had a friend here and she wasn’t coming anymore.”

“That seems not like her,” Reiner commented.

Since when had Armin or Eren having friends stopped her from going with them places? In the past, that would have been all the more reason to stick with them.

Armin’s gears were turning, that much was obvious. He stared hard into the studio wall in front of him and held his cheek in his hand.

“I think it’s something else, I just don’t know what.”

“That’s surprising, I was starting to think you might be omniscient.” 

Armin gave him a smirk.

“Have you been reading at work or something?”

Reiner brought his hand to his heart in feigned offense.

“Are you suggesting that I don’t read? I’ll have you know I work at a library.”

Armin let out a little giggle.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, it’s just funny to hear you say that. And what do you mean?”

“Hey, I know words. Just because I don’t read the dictionary like some of us.”

“That was one time, I was just looking something up and got sidetracked.”

“And, for your information, omniscient means -”

“I know what it means!”

Reiner grinned at Armin from his mat. Bertolt was setting up at the front and Reiner’s current line of defense was to try and pretend he was not there.

“Just kidding. I meant that sometimes it seems like you know everyone’s business.”

“I’m just friendly and observant.”

“Alright, if that’s your story.”

The room was soothingly hushed by Bertolt’s usual introduction. Reiner always felt like Bertolt was looking right at him during half of it, but he sure that was just because he and Armin were on the front row.

Reiner’s sit and his breathing were coming along decently. It was only his fourth - no, fifth - class, but he thought he might be breathing right and had learned how to properly sit on the cushions. It was the small victories. In his moment of self-appreciation he smiled a bit to himself. 

He opened his eyes when instructed, only to have his breathing interrupted. Bertolt was looking right at him. Obviously, he panicked and flicked his gaze elsewhere. Yes, he had just been admiring the lovely sculpture _beside_ the teacher’s stand.

-

Reiner was rolling up his mat and chatting with Armin. It was starting to feel more natural. Both yoga and friendship. He and Annie were best friends, yes, but that relationship was hardly built on gossip or heart-to-hearts.

“We should invite Bertolt to come with us this Saturday.”

“Yeah, good idea,” Reiner hoped Armin did not sense his excitement.

Or not. Any sense of excitement was quickly replaced by an indescribable sensation of jealousy. A very handsome stranger was leaning over Bertolt’s desk. Even Reiner could see that he was making a pass. Armin’s expression had settled into a surprising frown.

“Who is that guy?” Reiner could only hide half the bite from his question.

“You don’t recognize him? That’s Willy.” Armin crossed his arms and took a defensive stance.

“Tybur?”

“Yeah. They dated last summer. Sort of.”

Reiner felt a confusing mix of irritation, jealousy, and deflation. _That_ was the kind of man Bertolt was interested in? He was a few years older than them, and a whole lot richer. Past that, Reiner knew nothing else besides the family name. He was not sure if it counted as old money, but the Tyburs were certainly established.

“Sort of?”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t say anything. But, we should stick around. I don’t like him.”

“Me neither.” 

They waited, trying to seem like they were not an audience. Willy leaned further in and Bertolt took a step back. He was doing it again. Trying to get smaller. Reiner heard him stutter something and could see the discomfort written all over his body. Anger flared up in his chest and he was already halfway to Bertolt. 

He had expected Armin to try to stop him. Instead, Armin was keeping up with his long steps. 

“Bertolt,” Armin called out as soon as they were close enough.

There was clear relief on Bertolt’s face. They closed the distance quickly and Armin continued with his diplomatic effort.

“Are you busy Saturday? We were hoping you’d come out with us.”

“No, I’m free.” 

Willy pouted. “C’mon, Berty, you’re going to ditch me?” His hand reached out and touched Bertolt’s arm as he said it.

Nobody missed the way that Bertolt recoiled at the touch. Reiner saw a glare in his eyes that he would not have thought possible.

“There’s nothing to ditch. I told you _no.”_

The acidity behind Bertolt’s words matched the steely glare. Reiner tensed. He might not know much, but anyone that could make Bertolt react like that had to be an asshole at the very least.

“Alright, be that way.” Willy rolled his eyes and strolled out of the studio. The chime of the door echoed disturbingly through their silence.

Armin was the first to speak.

“Are you ok?”

“Uh. Yeah. I’m just going to lock up.” Bertolt was nervously shifting papers at his desk and avoiding the gaze of either Reiner or Armin. 

“Ok. We’re going to go. I’ll text you.”

Leaving was the last thing he wanted to do, but Reiner followed Armin anyway. A wall had gone up around Bertolt and he could not have helped no matter how much he wanted to.

Armin huffed as they got out to the parking lot. “That guy is _such_ a prick.” 

Reiner scoffed. “That’s a nice way to put it.”

Armin paused and peered curiously at Reiner. “You like him, don’t you?”

“Who, that asshole? Fuck no!”

“No, not Willy! I meant Bertolt. Obviously.”

“I… Is that weird?” It seemed useless to try to deny it to Armin at this point.

Armin laughed clear and bubbly. “Why would it be weird?”

“I barely know him.”

“You don’t have to know someone to be interested in them. Isn’t that why we get to know people in the first place?”

Right, as usual.

“I guess so.” 

“I think you’d be cute together.”

Reiner’s face flooded with heat.

“Don’t say that!” He hissed. Armin’s shrug was relaxed.

“Why not? I think it’s true.”

“It’s probably nothing. I’m sure he wouldn’t be interested in me.”

Armin made a funny sound that was not quite a laugh. 

“You’re sure?” His blue eyes gleamed with something playful. 

“Yes.” Reiner answered more out of willfulness than conviction. Armin’s response was making him wonder if there was something he was not telling him. 

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you.”

-

Reiner was sure Bertolt must have plenty of options. His thoughts drifted briefly to Willy Tybur. There was clearly more representation in town than Reiner had originally assumed. What if he lost his chance? Did he have a chance? In the absolute best case scenario, if he ever had a shot with Bertolt, what would that mean for his life at home?

Gabi’s pestering was getting relentless, to boot. Meeting Bertolt in person had only fueled her fire. What was with her and trying to match-make the two of them, anyway?

Whatever it was, these thoughts were playing through Reiner’s mind as he waited for Bertolt to stop talking to one of his fellow Saturday morning masochists. The memory of Wednesday’s drama was fresh on his mind and he felt agitated just thinking about it.

As soon as Bertolt waved the last student goodbye, Reiner jumped in.

“Hey, you usually eat after this, right?”

Bertolt ran his hand through his hair and muttered, “Yeah.” 

It made Reiner’s heart thump. How was he so sweet?

“Want to come to Maria’s with me? I usually go after this.”

“Okay. I just, um, have to lock up and stuff.”

“I can wait, no rush.”

Reiner leaned against the counter. He took this opportunity to watch Bertolt’s long fingers work over the computer keyboard. It was not long before he found himself studying the duck tail of dark hair at the base of Bertolt’s neck. It was not messy, but it was not neat either. Little pieces of hair at the top stuck out where Bertolt had run his fingers through earlier.

He was still staring when Bertolt turned around.

“Reiner?”

“Hmm? Oh!” Reiner jolted to his senses. “Sorry, just spacing out.”

“I’m ready when you are.”

“I’m ready.”

They both stepped out into the cool air. Bertolt slipped on a pair of sunglasses. This time, they were not hiding a ruthless hangover.

“Do you want to ride together?” Bertolt asked as soon as he finished locking the studio door.

Reiner wanted nothing more than to ride together. Sadly, he could not accept.

“I would, but I have a thing after this.”

“That’s ok. I’ll meet you there.”

“Cool, see you there.”

They parted ways, but not before Reiner took a moment to watch which car Bertolt got into. He soon realized that “car” was not the accurate term. Reiner’s hand paused at his little Honda handle as he witnessed Bertolt climb into an old truck at the rear end of the lot. He had not taken Bertolt for a truck kind of person. Reiner groaned a little to himself and yanked his car door open. Of course. Could he get any cuter? 

He tapped the steering wheel impatiently as he drove. He was too anxious to turn on the radio, so he rolled down his windows and let the sharp autumn air hit his face.

His tires bumped the curb stop not even ten minutes later. A grumbling engine sputtered off in the space next to him. He only dared to look out the corner of his eyes to confirm who it was. Bertolt seemed a lot calmer than Reiner about going to eat just the two of them. He stood, hands in his pockets, waiting for Reiner to join him. 

Reiner slowly slid from the driver’s seat. He wanted to try to look calm at least. He mirrored Bertolt and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. 

_Act normal._

__“You, uh, want to eat inside or out?”_ _

__“I like both. Is it too cold out?”_ _

__“No, it’s not too cold.”_ _

__They got to the host station and Reiner asked for a patio seat. They weaved through the usual brunch crowd. Reiner watched in fascination as Bertolt managed to avoid bumping a single chair or patron. He was really quite graceful. Did it have to do with what Reiner had noticed was his constant effort to hide himself? Reiner, on the other hand, had to say sorry to at least three people as he brushed past._ _

__They were led to one of the small tables again, and Reiner was sure they must look kind of funny there. This was an Armin or Historia sized table. He immediately registered how difficult it was not to brush knees under the table._ _

__“You know, I used to come here all the time in high school.”_ _

__Reiner smiled. “Yeah, me, too. Now, I usually come with Annie or Gabi.”_ _

__“What do you usually get?”_ _

__“The burger. I know it’s not great for me, but I can’t resist.”_ _

__“Hmm, yeah, I usually go for the eggs and toast. It shouldn’t be that bad, but there’s so much butter. I have to wonder how healthy it is. That, and the bacon on the side.”_ _

__Bertolt chuckled and Reiner smiled._ _

__“Not to mention the shakes,” he said, adding his own deep chuckle to Bertolt’s._ _

__“If I just look at one of those I can feel the sugar rush. So, is everything ok with your sister?”_ _

__“Gabi? Yeah, she’s alright. Sorry that I had to bail last week.”_ _

__“No, that’s ok, really. I was pretty bad company anyway.”_ _

__“Not at all.”_ _

__“I’m so embarrassed that I missed class.”_ _

__Reiner found himself teasing at that. “Oh, well you should be. I can’t believe I had to take a yoga class from Levi. Seriously, that was rough.”_ _

__That just made Bertolt smile and shake his head._ _

__“You’re really doing pretty good for a beginner.”_ _

__“What?” Had Reiner heard that right?_ _

__“Just that - uh, you know, you’re making good progress.”_ _

__“I am?”_ _

__Reiner was both flattered and also wanted to prolong Bertolt’s stammering state._ _

__“Yeah, you, um, your sit has definitely improved.”_ _

__“It does feel less terrible.”_ _

__Bertolt hid halfway behind the oversized menu. He wore a nervous smile._ _

__“That’s progress.”_ _

__“So, how do you know Levi?”_ _

__“Well, he’s actually a part owner of the studio. People think I took over the studio, but actually we both run it. I just do most of the teaching. I took over from Petra Ral. She’s on maternity leave. She still has ownership in the company, and she’ll probably take over some classes again once she’s able. Which will be nice because the early morning class on Saturday’s is actually hers. She’s the morning person, really.”_ _

__“The one I go to?”_ _

__“Oh, no, there’s one before yours. It starts at seven thirty.”_ _

__“You do _both?__ _

__Bertolt blushed a little and shrugged._ _

__“Actually, your class is kind of my wind down.”_ _

__“Are you serious? Oh my god.”_ _

__Bertolt looked like he was heating up under the spotlight, so Reiner switched gears._ _

__“So, does Levi teach?”_ _

__“Only once a week. It’s an advanced class. Mikasa goes to that one. She also comes to some of mine, but she's partial to Levi's class. It's the toughest one.”_ _

__“Wow, I had no idea.”_ _

__“Yeah, he’s not exactly talkative. And he usually practices on his own. He doesn’t like going to classes. He only likes teaching the one.”_ _

__“I guess he prefers bossing us around at the gym most days.”_ _

__Bertolt laughed again. It was light and relaxed. This was the least anxious he had ever seen Bertolt outside of class._ _

__The waiter came up to them, then, and gathered their orders. Bertolt’s eyes flicked over Reiner’s torso and arms._ _

__“You spend a lot of time at the gym?” It was a question, but it almost sounded like a statement the way Bertolt said it._ _

__“I guess you could say that. I usually go Monday and Thursday for sessions with Levi. Annie and I try to go at least once on the weekends. Which usually ends up being Saturday.”_ _

__“Oh. I hope Yoga isn’t interrupting. I have a Sunday class, too, although it’s intermediate.”_ _

__“No, it’s not interrupting. Sundays don’t work for me anyways.”_ _

__“Why’s that?”_ _

__“Church and all that. Sunday dinner and games with the family after usually.”_ _

__Bertolt looked uncomfortable, but continued the conversation._ _

__“You go to church?” He sounded nervous again._ _

__“I don’t have much choice.”_ _

__“You don’t?”_ _

__“My dad is the pastor. And I still live at home, so they expect me to go.”_ _

__“You don’t sound very excited about it.”_ _

__“I’m not. I don’t plan on going any more after I move out.”_ _

__Bertolt looked like he was relaxing again. He gave a little smile._ _

__“Are you moving out soon, then?”_ _

__“I hope so. Actually, after this I’m going to see an apartment.”_ _

__Bertolt’s smile widened. “That’s exciting. Right?”_ _

__“Yeah. It is.”_ _

__A new chapter. Reiner swallowed the pang of fear that came when he thought about moving out. Gabi’s words rung in his head regularly lately. ‘You can’t hide forever.’ He could not help but think about Bertolt. He would have no chance with him for sure if he could not even come out of the closet._ _

__“Congrats, then.” Bertolt held his water glass out. Reiner toasted it with his own._ _

__When Bertolt leaned back into his chair, no longer hunching over the table, Reiner felt his leg brush against him. He did not move, expecting Bertolt to withdraw upon contact. But, Bertolt was still there. He was looking past the patio at the random houses that neighbored the little diner. Reiner liked the way Bertolt sat up, relaxed, and allowed himself to stretch out a bit._ _

__Reiner did not pull back._ _

__Through the whole meal it remained that way. Once, when Bertolt shifted but still allowed his knee to fall back by Reiner’s, Reiner felt it confirmed his theory that he was being mistaken for the table. He still did not move._ _

__Just as he thought he would get away with it, as they were signing their checks, Bertolt said the most wonderful thing._ _

__“We should hang out again.”_ _

__“Y-yeah!” Reiner’s cheeks felt warm and he could not hide how much he liked that suggestion. “Do you want my phone number?”_ _

__“Sure.” Bertolt smiled._ _

__Reiner was so excited, he forgot all about the leg. He scooted up in his chair and leaned over the table to hand his phone to Bertolt. Bertolt’s eyes went wide with realization at the same time, connecting the dots when he felt Reiner move away._ _

__Reiner hesitated. Their eyes met and Bertolt’s face was turning a shade of pink. So, it really had not been on purpose? Which meant now he knew Reiner knew. In bold denial, Reiner powered through the conversation before either of them could address the relatively minute, but still flustering, situation._ _

__“Here,” he shoved his phone towards Bertolt, “text yourself something from my phone and I’ll save your number, too.”_ _

__Bertolt obediently tapped away and then returned the phone. Reiner gazed at the outgoing message, probably looking like a creep or something. He could not believe it. How was he sitting here with Bertolt, cell phone number in hand, and the promise of spending more time together?_ _

__All that came out was an eager smile at Bertolt, who reflected a likewise expression._ _

__“Well, I better get going,” Reiner said, checking the time. “I’ve got that interview and tour for the apartment in ten minutes and I want to be early.”_ _

__“Oh, good luck! It must not be far?”_ _

__“No, it’s actually really near here. The Sina View complex.”_ _

__“Seriously?”_ _

__“Yeah. Why, are they bad or something?” Reiner was already pushing in his chair, ready to get going. Bertolt stood with him._ _

__“No, they’re nice. That’s where I live.”_ _

__Reiner started. “Oh. Wow. Well, small town, huh?”_ _

__“Yeah. Small town.”_ _

__“Ok. I guess I’ll see you around, I better get going.”_ _

__“Bye. Good luck,” Bertolt said once more._ _

__It made plenty of sense, really. Those apartments were close to pretty much everything, including the yoga studio. Reiner swallowed thickly, both thrilled and nauseated. He wanted to see more of Bertolt, but it was nerve wracking._ _

__Before three weeks ago, Reiner’s routine was simple. Go to work, go to the gym, go home. Begrudgingly attend church on Sunday and complain to Gabi about wanting to move out. Then, have Gabi give him shit for not looking at any apartments. And so it had been, more or less, for the last three years._ _

__Arguably, the only major shift Reiner had experience in that time was going to work at the library and getting to know Armin over the last year. He had gotten into their social circle somehow and began regularly spending time with more people than Annie and Gabi. Ever since, he had been more seriously considering changing his predicament. Still, he procrastinated and stayed in his routine. His comfort zone._ _

__But now his will to change outweighed the desire to stay comfortable._ _

__He killed the engine and got out quickly from the car._ _

__Leasing Office._ _


	7. Home Sweet Home

Week one, they exchanged phone numbers.

Week two, Bertolt had touched his arm. They started texting occasionally.

Week three, Reiner teasingly stole a piece of bacon from him. Bertolt toed his foot from under the table for it. He was sitting up straighter.

Week four, Armin and Eren had joined their Saturday brunch time. Armin gives Reiner knowing looks and Reiner rolls his eyes. Bertolt was beating Gabi out for top position in his phone’s recent text messages.

Week five, Reiner had to miss class and dining with Bertolt.

“We got you a little housewarming gift.” Armin held out a small wrapped package.

Eren was setting down one of the last boxes on the kitchen floor.

“You really didn’t have to,” Reiner said, smiling and peeling the wrapping away immediately.

“So did I.” Annie plunked a bottle of liquor down on the counter, no wrapping, no bow.

His curiosity was piqued when he saw the corner of some kind of fabric. What could they have gotten him? He had plenty of bedding and towels. As he drew the article up from its box, a lump formed in his throat.

It was an apron with a basic pride flag graphic on the front pocket. 

“Thanks, guys,” he said reverently. 

“Well, you know, just a little something! We all need a little pride gear.” Armin was cheerful as ever. Eren lounged in one of the new dining chairs.

Reiner folded it up gently and slid it into one of the kitchen drawers. Looking at it filled him with an unbearable mix of excitement and dread. Moving out was step one of his plan. Step three was to come out to his friends, which, admittedly, he had half done already at this point. Step two was haunting him.

“You ok?” Annie leaned against the counter.

“Just nervous. They’re going to be here soon.”

“You’ll have Gabi. You can call me after.” It would not have sounded particularly comforting to someone who did not know Annie. Reiner was touched.

“And we’ll see you later for your housewarming. So if it goes bad, we’ll just get you really drunk.” Eren flashed a smile at him. Armin rolled his eyes.

“C’mon, let’s go, you.” He and Eren headed for the door.

“Thanks for all your help,” Reiner said, “and for the gift. I really like it.”

“No problem. See you later!”

“I’m heading out, too,” Annie said, grabbing her coat. 

“Are you coming tonight?”

“Course.”

“Thanks,” he said.

And with that, she was gone. He collapsed on his new couch and smiled to see a text from Bertolt.

 **Bertolt:** How’s move in? Sorry I couldn’t help

 **Reiner:** No worries, all good. Everyone just left.

It was the first Saturday since he started going to yoga that he had missed. He kind of regretted not being able to attend. The classes were growing on him, and not just because he got to see Bertolt or get his form corrected. Although, sadly, his form needed less correcting now than it did before.

 **Bertolt:** Too bad you can’t come to Maria’s.

 **Reiner:** I know I miss the food already

There was a long lag between texts. Reiner was about to give up and get busy unpacking, but his phone buzzed once more and he swiped it up immediately. Shit, he was getting to be as text-addicted as Gabi.

 **Bertolt:** Just the food?

What did he just say? 

His doorbell rang. He shoved his phone into his pocket, nerves totally fried. His mind ping-ponged between ‘did Bertolt just flirt with him?’ and ‘fuck, they’re here, they’re here, they’re here.’

He opened the door to his apartment. Gabi burst in first, arms full with a big container.

“We have lunch!” She found her way to his new dining table.

“Reiner, this looks great!” His mom exclaimed. 

“We sure are proud of you, son.” His heart sank at his dad’s comment and he desperately hoped it would not be the last time he ever heard those words. 

If he had not already told Gabi his plan, he would surely have backed out. But, he could not disappoint her. She had been so excited.

As they sat down at the table, Reiner obsessed over how he would say it. Through the usual meal-time prayer, he heard nothing. He could only play the scenario over in his head, each time the outcome getting worse. 

They were almost to the end of their plates and he had barely heard any word of conversation the whole time. He nervously pushed around a pile of beans. His food was only half eaten.

“Reiner, honey, are you alright?” His mom gave him a kind look. He tried to soak up every line of her worried expression. What if it was the last time?

“I…”

He looked at Gabi. She smiled big and gave him a tiny thumbs up.

“...I have something to tell you.”

His parents stared at him, waiting. Every breath felt laboured. When he said the words, he could not recognize his own voice. 

“I… like men.”

His eyes burned holes into his plate of food. He could not bring himself to look at them. He had not even been able to say he was gay. This was going to have to be enough. It was the best he could do. 

It was not enough.

“Sure. I know you have plenty of friends.” His father said roughly.

“No, dad. Not like friends.”

The ball was rolling and it was too late. He could have gone back and he could have kept pretending. But, it was too late. He was tired of pretending. He thought about Armin and Eren. They were so free.

“I’m gay.”

He lifted his eyes, but could only bear to look at Gabi. She looked nervous now, but tried to smile for him again. He felt a warm hand on his forearm and looked over at his mother. She did not smile, but she did not frown. She was still touching him, which must be a good sign.

His father rose silently from the table and walked out the door.

Not a good sign. Reiner cursed himself when tears came to his eyes. He blinked them back furiously. He knew this might happen. He expected it, even. Why did it still hurt so much?

His mother’s arms surrounded him and then Gabi’s. The warmth was cut too short.

“Reiner, I love you,” she said, “but, I think we’d better go.”

“What?” he managed.

“But, mom!” Gabi whined, clinging to Reiner.

“I know, I really do. And I’m sorry. But, someone needs to talk to your father.”

“Why? He left! Screw that!”

“Gabi.” It was a warning tone and their mom’s eyes had gone cold. Gabi was one step away from being grounded, at the very least.

Reiner turned to her, gently squeezing her shoulders.

“Go,” he whispered, “I’ll be ok.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered back.

“It’s not your fault, B. Please don’t worry about me. We’ll talk later, just don’t get in trouble over me.”

Gabi sent a glare towards the door, but did as he asked. She nodded and walked away, following their mom out of the apartment.

He felt numb, but the tears still came. He shakily dialed Annie’s number. She picked up right away.

“Reiner?”

“It went bad.”

“Are-”

He hung up before she could say any more and laid his head on the table and cried. Time had lost meaning. He wanted to scream, but he could make no sound. His heart thumped as he cooled down, and he contemplated checking his phone.

The door opened and closed. He did not move. Footsteps approached and he watched the legs of one of the chairs slide out of view. Annie’s sneakers came into frame.

She said nothing and he said nothing. It might have been two minutes, it might have been twenty. Ok, probably just two.

“They just left,” Reiner said into the table.

“Did they say anything?”

He sat up reluctantly. “No. Well. Kind of. My dad didn’t. He just walked out. My mom hugged me, but she still followed him.” 

Annie crossed her arms.

“That’s fucked.”

He nodded. What more was there to say? She stood up and retrieved the same bottle that she had plopped down on his counter hours before. 

“Well, shot glasses or mixers don’t show up until later, so we’re going to have to drink it straight from the bottle.”

“Annie, how come you never left? All those years ago, why did you stay my friend?”

She stopped opening the bottle of whiskey.

“Because you’re a good person. I like you.”

“Oh.”

He looked at his hands.

“They might come around.”

“Hmm?”

“Your parents. Maybe they’ll come around?”

“I.. I don’t know.”

Reiner did not dare to hope again at the moment. Annie did not press. She finished unscrewing the cap and slid the bottle towards him. He took a swig and passed it back. She did the same.

“TV?” She asked.

“I should get started on those cookies.”

“I’m sure it would be fine if you didn’t want to make them.”

“No, I want to.”

“Ok. I’ll help.”

Annie stood up and went straight to one of the drawers. Reiner was confused until she pulled out the gift from Armin and Eren.

“Wear it,” she said, throwing the apron at his face. She hesitated, but said quietly, “I’m proud of you.”

He smiled weakly. He thought it would be painful, but it was the opposite. As he slid the top loop over his head, he understood what had meant so much about it in the first place. It meant, if nothing else, there was a group of people that knew everything and still cared about him. 

Wrapping the strings back and around, he looked down to tie them. It was the first time in his whole life that he had outwardly worn any indication of this part of himself. He could not claim to feel happy at the moment, but he felt free.

Annie spent most of the time watching him bake. Which suited them both, since Annie was about as talented as Gabi with a recipe. Reiner slid two trays into the oven and stood up smiling at her.

“You still up for some crap TV?”

“Always.”

And so while he cleaned up, she hooked up the TV and slid the couch to face it. They plunked down silently and Annie picked some mindless show and they ignored anything of importance for the next few hours.

Reiner bolted upright when the first knock at the door sounded. He put on a bright face and went to swing it open. Marco’s smile greeted him. Of course. He was always early.

“I brought booze! And a mixer.”

Guests arrived one by one. Jean. Mikasa. Eren and Armin. And until Reiner opened the door to a shy looking Bertolt, he had forgotten all about the text from earlier.

“Bertolt,” he said, the possibly flirty text coming back into his conscience. 

“Hi.” 

Bertolt still looked like he was trying to make himself small. Reiner welcomed him in, accepting a small bag.

“It’s for the house. Well, apartment.”

“Thanks,” he said genuinely, smiling at the little present. “I’ll open it later.”

He wanted badly to open it right then, but it seemed odd in front of everyone. He went into his new bedroom, setting it gently on the bed. His phone buzzed. Gabi. He was tempted to ignore it.

“Hey,” he answered.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok. Are you?”

“Yeah. Mom and Dad have been arguing ever since we left.”

“What about?”

“Mom’s mad. She wants him to talk to you.”

“She is?” He swallowed thickly and sat on his bed.

“Yeah. You should have heard her. But, I just called to tell you that. And that I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I should probably go. Dinner is going to be ready soon.”

“That sounds like lots of fun.”

Gabi laughed dryly on the other end. “Tell me about it. Later.”

“Later.”

His spirits lifted a little. It was far from ideal, but it meant his mother did not hate him for what he was. Maybe Annie was right, maybe they would come around. He heard a soft knock on the door and the sound of his own housewarming party filtered into the room. Bertolt’s face peered in.

“We were just wondering where you were. Annie told me to check in here.”

“Did she?”

Reiner smiled bitterly. Had she sent Bertolt on purpose?

“Are you ok?”

“I’ve been better.”

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Bertolt closed the door behind him with the same gentleness that he seemed to do all things. What a pity. Bertolt was in his room and Reiner could barely enjoy it.

“May I?” Bertolt began to sit on the bed. Reiner nodded.

On his bed, no less. What a long, confusing day.

“I came out to my parents today.”

Crickets. Bertolt fidgeted with his hands for a moment before responding. He did not comment on Reiner’s admission. He simply asked,

“How did it go?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I… badly. It went badly. But, my sister just called and said my parents were fighting about it. So, I guess it’s half and half.”

“Who’s upset?”

“My dad. I think. He didn’t say anything. He just walked out earlier without a word.”

“He didn’t say anything?”

Reiner shook his head. Bertolt looked at his feet. Reiner froze in place when he realized Bertolt’s arm was pressed against his own.

“My mom was mad, too. She thought it was college’s fault.”

Reiner could not help but laugh at that.

“Sorry,” he apologized.

“No,” Bertolt grinned, “it’s really ridiculous, I know.”

“Hey, I’m sorry I never texted you back. My parents came over, and then everything happened.”

“That’s ok.”

“There you are!” Sasha burst into the room. “C’mon, it’s time for shots. No making out.” She must have just arrived with Connie.

Reiner rose to his feet right away at that comment. Bertolt just shook his head. They left the room and Annie gave Reiner an eyebrow raise. He tried to glare at her, but he only managed a nervous smile.

“Congrats to Reiner on the new place!” Sasha lifted her shot glass. Everyone followed suit, throwing back their shots at the same time. 

Annie mixed drinks for people. It must have been a natural niche for her, Reiner thought. They all hung out in the kitchen just drinking and chatting. Reiner found himself by Bertolt’s side for the next hour, occasionally brushing against each other. 

His heart pounded and he decided to take a little leap. He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Bertolt.

 **Reiner:** Not just the food. 

Was it too cryptic? He had to wait a whole ten minutes to find out. Unconsciously, he held his breath when he saw Bertolt slide his phone from his jeans to finally check his messages. 

Bertolt took a moment to read and reread the text. Then, a wonderful smile lit up his face and he glanced up at Reiner. Was this it? Was he actually flirting?

Reiner’s heart fluttered as Bertolt punched something into his phone, holding it just out of Reiner’s line of vision. His arm brushed against him as he pocketed it. Reiner fished out his phone as it began to vibrate.

 **Bertolt:** Me too

Reiner wanted to answer. He wished he had something cool or suave to say back to Bertolt. No, it was all he could do just to keep from grinning like an idiot.

“Why don’t we take this to The Dot?” Connie had grabbed everyone’s attention.

“I don’t know, Annie’s not going to be pouring,” Jean griped.

Annie never admitted it openly, but she always poured a little heavy in their favor. 

“Besides,” Marco interjected, “It’s Reiner’s housewarming, coming here is kinda the point, Con.”

Reiner appreciated Marco’s thoughtfulness, but on the other hand would not mind getting out.

“No, it’s cool. I wouldn’t mind going out, we don’t have to stay here.”

“We could go to Riders,” Annie put in. Everyone turned towards her, but it was Eren that spoke.

 _“You_ go to Riders?”

Annie shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

“But, you’re not… are you?”

“No.” She did not expand, but everyone was staring at her, waiting for an explanation. Reiner was, too. She had never told him this and he wondered why. Then again, he considered how touchy he had been about the topic for so long, so maybe she was just trying to spare him before.

“What’s the big deal?” She said. “I don’t like to go to The Dot when I’m not on shift. No one bothers me at Riders.”

Armin laughed, and to Reiner’s surprise so did Bertolt. 

“Actually, it makes sense. I can’t believe we’ve never run into you,” Armin said, still smiling.

“So, what, you guys want to go there instead?” Connie looked around. 

Reiner thought he felt his jaw drop. Did Connie not know or something? Sasha must have had the same question.

“You know it’s a gay bar, right?”

“Of course I know!” 

Half of the room let out a long breath. Connie went on.

“How stupid do you guys think I am? Yeah, I know, but it's not, like, weird is it?”

Connie asked the question, but everyone turned to Armin for an answer. He crossed his arms and huffed.

“Ok, I’m not like your gay expert, why are you looking at me? Ask Bertolt! He goes more than we do.”

Reiner’s mouth was definitely open now. He looked up at Bertolt next to him who was sporting a mean blush.

“I, I uh… Well, no, it wouldn’t be weird necessarily, Connie. But, you guys would probably be the only straight ones there. Besides the girls.”

“Even better,” Jean smirked, “straight girls and no competition.”

“Don’t be a jackass,” Mikasa said surprisingly. She hardly ever chimed in on banter.

Marco chuckled and said, with slight admiration in his voice, “Yeah, Jean, if they’re anything like Annie or Mikasa, you’ll just get your ass kicked.”

Even Mikasa laughed. Jean scowled and leaned back in his chair.

Eren laughed loudest at Jean’s expense, also leaning back. “I bet Marco could score some free drinks, though.”

They all chuckled at that, and Reiner did not doubt it. Did Bertolt get free drinks there? He certainly could, Reiner imagined. How often did he go? 

“Ok, so fuck it, why not? I’ve always wanted to go. Reiner, do you want to go? We can just stay here and drink if not.” Connie and Sasha turned around in their chairs to look at him.

“I, uh, I guess so. It’s just, I’ve never been, so I don’t know.”

“Oh, really? But, aren’t you gay?”

Reiner was frozen in place. So much for having to come out to the other half of his friends. Had they ever thought he was straight? Sasha looked concerned at his silence and tried to dig out of her hole.

“Or - sorry, I just thought -”

“No,” he heard himself say, “I am. I’m just…”

Just what? How did he explain that he thought they all had thought he was straight this whole time? Luckily, Armin jumped in.

“Sasha, just because you’re gay doesn’t mean you go to Riders.”

Sasha turned red and Armin giggled. The infectious laugh spread across the table and kitchen, even to Reiner and Bertolt, who had both been nervously holding their breath the whole time. Armin turned back to Reiner.

“Well, do you want to go?”

Reiner and Armin both knew what he was really asking. Was Reiner ready to go? Part of him wanted to hang back and stay in the apartment. It was new, but it was still something he knew. At the same time, he was dying to see it if it. Especially if it was somewhere Bertolt frequented.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Reiner drained the last of his current drink. 

A little chorus of ‘woo!” came from Connie, Sasha and Eren. Everyone was now finishing their drinks and putting on their coats except for Bertolt who was standing next to Reiner, who had not moved either. Annie came up to them and asked so only Reiner and Bertolt could hear.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to.”

Annie smiled a little and nodded. “Ok. I’ll be your DD. And no arguing,” she added as she saw Reiner open his mouth. She left to grab his coat.

Reiner glanced up at Bertolt and saw a look of realization hit him. Bertolt leaned in to Reiner a little.

“Reiner? How long have you been out?”

Reiner paused, not sure how to answer. His friends were already making their way to the door. “Less than twenty-four hours? You didn’t think I was straight?”

It was not particularly eloquent, and now that he said it, it seemed glaringly obvious. If everyone else thought so, why wouldn't Bertolt? He leaned in just far enough to get Reiner’s pulse back up.

“No.”

Reiner’s next question was both stupid and offensive, but it came out anyway, his insecurity getting the best of him. 

“Was it the yoga?”

Bertolt stared at him for a moment, before bursting out into the loudest fit of laughter Reiner had ever heard from him. And though it was at his expense, Reiner found himself not wanting it to end. He chuckled a little, wanting to hit himself for asking such a ridiculous question. Why did he have to let his insecurity get the best of him? Bertolt’s laugh made everyone else look back at them in curiosity.

“Are we leaving or what?” Eren shouted from near the front door.

“Yeah, sorry, one sec.” Reiner replied loudly. He turned back to Bertolt and said quietly,

“I’m sorry, that was really rude. I didn’t mean that. I’m just… new to this.”

Bertolt’s smile faded, but his eyes were soft.

“You’re right, it was rude. But, I accept your apology. And to answer your question,” he was leaning very close this time and Reiner could feel a blush rising, “no, it was _not_ the yoga.”

Bertolt walked away suddenly, grabbing his coat off the back of a nearby chair. Reiner had no choice but to do the same and follow the crowd of friends through his front door. As he locked it, Annie stood back with him.

“Thanks for driving.”

“Just have fun tonight,” she replied.

Marco, despite the group’s mutual agreement that he could probably score an easy drink, would be the other designated driver. Riders was too far out to drink, drink some water, and wait to go home. The Dot was close enough to town that a worst case scenario involved walking thirty minutes to one of their houses. Riders was much further and the dark country roads required extra caution at night.

Reiner, Bertolt, Eren and Armin piled into Annie’s SUV. Not a minute later, Jean was banging on the back window where Eren sat. Annie rolled it down.

“Hey, dummies, we don’t know where the fuck we’re going.”

Eren rolled his eyes hard and started rolling the window up and said, “Use your phone, stupid!”

Bertolt had actually offered his seat to Mikasa, but surprisingly she had opted to stick with the other car. Reiner watched Armin watch her suspiciously as she climbed into the backseat after Jean and Connie. As Annie pulled away, Armin said,

“I think Mikasa and Jean have a thing.”

“What?” Eren yelled. He was immediately shushed by Armin and Annie.

“Eren, chill!”

Eren frowned, but said more quietly, “Why the hell do you think that?”

Armin’s face was concentrated. “I’m not sure. Just a suspicion.”

“Why wouldn’t she just tell us?” Eren said angrily.

Annie and Armin both scoffed loudly. Reiner even chuckled. 

“Because it’s Jean and you’re nosy and overprotective,” Armin answered.

“Am not!”

Armin sighed and rolled his eyes. Eren stewed in the backseat. Annie turned on the radio. Armin and Reiner did most of the chatting for the ride.

They were making good time. Annie’s driving was something to behold, albeit a little frightening. About ten minutes out, Bertolt asked Reiner,

“So, why the library?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Armin loves books. Do you?”

“Oh. Not particularly, I guess. But, I like the library. It’s quiet and the people are usually polite.”

“And, Senior Days,” Armin inserted.

“Senior Days?” Bertolt leaned forward, curious.

“Reiner?” Armin pressed.

Reiner smiled.

“He means Mondays. The assisted living place brings their residents over for a few hours every week so they can check out books and stuff. Half of them spend the whole time trying to gossip with the staff.”

“With him, he means,” Armin supplied.

“They talk to you, too.”

Armin smiled. “Don’t listen to him, Bertolt, he’s being modest. They love him, especially the women. He spends every Monday afternoon talking with them. Reiner, has Mrs. Finger taught you how to crochet yet?”

Reiner’s face burned at the attention, but he chuckled and shook his head.

“No, she always forgets. She did show me some pictures of Pieck and Porco, though. She had me help her print them out. They just got engaged.”

“Haven’t they been together forever?” Bertolt put in. Reiner caught his face in the rearview mirror. He was smiling warmly. Reiner thought he was looking right at him, but maybe it was just a trick of the angle.

“Since high school,” Armin said.

Gravel crunched as Annie pulled in. They were ten minutes ahead of schedule.

“Damn, you drive fast.” Eren commented.

Reiner’s anxiety was kicking in now that they were here. Ironically, Bertolt seemed to be less nervous than usual. As they got out of the car, Reiner found himself wringing his hands. 

He was pleasantly surprised to feel a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry. You’ll like it.” Bertolt smiled and Reiner could not help but return a grin.


	8. Courage

Reiner watched in shock as Bertolt led him through the door of Riders. It was not nearly as explicit or strange as he had expected. It was basically like the Dot, but with more men and a small dance floor in the middle.

Bertolt leaned into the counter and ordered a vodka sprite as well as a jack and coke for Reiner. It made Reiner a little excited that he had remembered what he drank. Reiner tried to hand Bertolt his card, but he pushed it away.

“It’s on me.”

Bertolt’s tone reminded Reiner of how he led his class. Calm, but confident. Again, he smiled at Reiner. Was he giving him a look, too? Reiner’s heart pounded as Bertolt handed him his drink. And then he nearly coughed it up on his first sip. Was there any coke in this?

“Yeah,” Bertolt chuckled, “they pour pretty heavy.”

“No kidding,” Reiner said, taking a second and more cautious sip.

“Hey, let’s go out to the patio. It’s actually pretty decent.”

“What about,” Reiner trailed off when he looked around and realized Eren, Armin, and Annie were all nowhere to be found. Huh. “Yeah, ok.”

He followed Bertolt through a side door and into another world. The heaters were on full blast and groups of friends were clumped around, clinging onto drinks and dragging cigarettes. There were clusters of outdoor furniture and lights strung around the privacy fence that closed the perimeter. 

Reiner was trying to take it all in, but Bertolt was already making his way to a couple patio chairs tucked away to the side. He felt like Bertolt was studying him. Reiner tried to force his muscles to relax, not wanting Bertolt to see how tense he was..

“Can I ask you something personal?” Bertolt said softly.

“Yeah,” Reiner replied, lowering his voice, too.

“How did no one know? In a town like ours?”

“I don’t know. I just didn’t tell anyone. Although, after today, I’m not really sure how hidden it was.”

Reiner picked at the wicker arm of the chair and stared off at a piece of floor.

“I mean, it makes sense that your friends would figure it out. But your parents didn’t know, did they? Word travels so fast around here. That’s how my mom found out. Her friend saw me out with another guy.”

“Oh, well, my parents don’t really talk about that kind of stuff. And,” should Reiner be embarrassed about this? “I’ve never, uh. There’s never been a guy to be seen with.”

Bertolt leaned forward towards Reiner’s chair.

“What, like, never?”

Reiner just shook his head. He was starting to feel really stupid.

“But,” Bertolt seemed half a loss for words, “ok, so, have you dated women?”

“No, not really. I took Annie to prom.”

Bertolt sucked in his breath. “That was years ago.”

Reiner shrugged, lips pursing. Bertolt’s face fell.

“Oh. I’m sorry, I’m not judging. I’m just surprised.”

“That I’m so lame?” Reiner mumbled, feeling worse by the second. Bertolt’s sudden grip on his forearm made him look up from his lap. His heart raced.

“No! No, you’re not. No, I’m just…” A blush was creeping up Bertolt’s neck and Reiner could see it even in the dim lighting. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe nobody has asked you out.”

Misery was being replaced by true confusion. Which, admittedly, was better than the internal pity party that Reiner had been throwing moments ago. His arm felt hot where Bertolt still touched it. As if reading his mind, though, Bertolt withdrew his hand. Reiner still felt speechless.

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Reiner ignored Bertolt’s apology, too focused on his earlier words. “Why would anyone be asking me out?”

Bertolt sort of sputtered, but was smiling, and his blush was up to his ears.

“You. You mean. I mean… ” His smile petered out and he glanced furtively away from Reiner.

“What?” 

“Do you even look around ever?” 

_“What?”_

“Oh my god, you really are oblivious.”

“What, why? Just tell me,” Reiner pleaded. What was he missing?

“Like half the people here are already checking you out. Haven’t you noticed at all?”

Was Bertolt saying he was good-looking? And even if he was, he had barely glanced at anyone besides Bertolt all night. Reiner finally found speech, but it came out a little too unfiltered. 

“Me? Why would they be looking at me if you’re here?”

Bertolt’s mouth fell open a little before he regained composure.

“Oh,” his face fell suddenly, “because I’m so tall?”

“No! That’s not what I meant. But, that doesn’t help.”

He perked back up a little. “Help what?”

That he was stupidly gorgeous and made everyone else look paltry in comparison. 

“You’re so handsome.”

Reiner could hardly believe he had said that outloud. It had sort of slipped out. Was it the drink? It was pretty strong. Bertolt was looking away at anywhere but him and he wondered if that had been strange to say. But, how could he not know? 

It was hard to breathe when Bertolt’s eyes shyly flicked up to meet Reiner’s, his cheeks dusted in pink. Reiner wanted to take his hand so badly. Maybe he did have a chance.

“Hey, we finally found you!” 

Reiner straightened abruptly when Marco’s cheery voice cut through the quiet tension. He realized just how close he and Bertolt had been sitting and a blush rose to his cheeks as he turned around. Jean was pouting and Marco looked as chipper as ever as they sauntered out. Mikasa walked out next, coming to stand with Jean. Reiner briefly considered Armin’s theory. 

Marco smiled and pointed to Jean’s glass. “I got a free drink! Although, Jean had some bad luck back there and I gave him mine.”

Even Mikasa cracked a grin at that one. Jean rolled his eyes and Marco just laughed. Bertolt stood up, smiling.

“Let’s go inside. There’s no more seats out here.”

It felt hot once back indoors and Reiner wondered if there was a spot for coats. Bertolt was already peeling off his pullover and Reiner stopped to stare. Part of Bertolt’s button up got pulled along with it, revealing a glimpse of stomach. He was heating up again, and it was nothing taking off a jacket could fix.

He wrenched his gaze away before things got worse, looking to the right only to find Armin’s knowing eyes. Reiner blushed at Armin’s suggestive look. 

“You want to take your coat off? We can put ours together,” Bertolt said from his left. Reiner stripped off his jacket and handed it to Bertolt stiffly, still replaying that flash of skin in his mind. He slid into a seat next to Armin quickly, trying to wish away the blood flow from his groin.

“Do you like it, Reiner?” Armin asked, smiling. 

He pounced on the distraction. “Yeah. It’s not what I expected. It’s cool.”

Annie walked over from seemingly nowhere.

“Where have you been?” Reiner asked her.

“Just hanging out.”

“Have you seen Jean or Mikasa?” Armin asked her.

Marco leaned against the table. “Weren’t they just with us? Maybe they went to the bar?”

“And where are Sasha and Connie?” Reiner looked around, but Eren pointed to the dance floor. Sasha and Connie were in the middle of it as if they had been there every weekend. 

“Where’s the bathroom?” The drinks from the apartment were catching up with him. Also, he needed a little space from Bertolt’s lingering glances which were far too exciting. 

“Over here,” Bertolt motioned. “I have to go, too.”

This was not what he had in mind. It was too late. They crossed the bar together, only to be met by a horrendous line. 

“Damn,” Reiner breathed.

Bertolt nodded, resigned to their fate. “One of the stalls might be _occupied_.”

“Occupied?”

“Oh, uh. Sometimes people go in together. You know.”

“Oh. Oh! Shit.”

“It’s annoying when the line gets held up.” 

“You said stalls? Are there no urinals?”

“No, just one bathroom with two stalls.”

“That’s kind of weird.”

Bertolt shrugged. “I never really thought about it, but I guess so.”

Their part of the line had moved into a congested hallway. He and Bertolt were even closer now and he could smell him. If warm was a scent, that would be Bertolt. Warm, with a hint of something sweet. However, Bertolt’s smell was soon forgotten. In the corner of his eye, Reiner saw Mikasa quickly marching down the hall, away from the bathroom. He was about to say hi, but Jean was close behind her and both of them seemed to be pretending they could see no one in the line.

“Oh my god,” Bertolt breathed.

“Dude.” Reiner looked up at Bertolt, both of them stunned.

“How is Armin always right?” Bertolt commented.

Another man leaving the restroom shoved past Bertolt before Reiner could answer. Bertolt was thrust forward, but Reiner caught him, hands gripping his sides. They were chest to chest and Bertolt peered down shyly at Reiner. Bertolt’s hands had landed against Reiner’s chest, and Reiner could hardly move. Not that he wanted to. Giving in to temptation, he let his hands pull Bertolt slightly closer. At that, Bertolt suddenly peeled away, muttering ‘sorry.’ Which was for the best because Reiner’s earlier problem had returned.

They barely talked for the rest of the bathroom trip and awkwardly shuffled back to the table after washing their hands. Marco and Jean were chatting while Mikasa leaned casually on the wall behind them. Eren and Armin were dancing with Sasha and Connie now.

Annie spooked Reiner when she materialized at his side.

“Reiner, I’m really sorry, but I don’t feel so well. I know we just got here, but I might need to leave.”

“Oh. Of course.” 

Bertolt spoke up, too. “Yeah, we can go whenever.” 

“Oh no, don’t leave us here with those lunatics,” Jean pointed toward the dance floor.

Marco chuckled. “You’re just mad you haven’t gotten any drinks.” 

“I’m ready, too,” Mikasa muttered.

“Ok. Well I’m staying. I’ll tell them you left. Besides, I think I want to dance.” Marco finished off his cup of sprite and headed towards the rest of their group.

“Have fun, man.” Jean looked around. “Well, I guess we can go.”

“Do you want me to drive, Annie? I didn’t drink” Mikasa asked once they had exited the noisy bar. 

Annie tossed her keys to Mikasa who caught them seamlessly. 

Annie hopped in shotgun and immediately laid the seat back. Reiner slid in behind her, willing to deal with cramped leg space. Bertolt’s legs were way too long and Jean was too prone to complaining. Reiner leaned back, buzzed from the one incredibly strong drink, and closed his eyes. His brow knit together as he imagined the hallway incident with a different ending. He pulled Bertolt in, but instead of moving away, their lips might meet. Bertolt’s lips would be unbearably soft, wouldn’t they?

A vibration in his pocket pulled him out of his fantasy.

Who could that be? It was so late, and immediately he thought of Gabi.

The concern was unfounded. 

**Bertolt:** Have fun? 

**Reiner:** Yeah I did

 **Bertolt:** We can come back sometime. Do you like dancing?

 **Reiner:** I’m pretty bad at it. But I’ll go if you’re going

There was a pause between texts and Reiner worried that he had been too forward. His phone buzzed again.

 **Bertolt:** Marias tomorrow?

 **Reiner:** definitely 

The rest of the ride was spent in more silence. Mikasa dropped them all off at the apartments and gave Annie her keys back, saying she would take Jean home in his car.

Reiner was too tired, physically and emotionally, to comment or even give them a funny look. He would text Armin tomorrow. Bertolt waved a sleepy goodbye and walked off to his own apartment building. 

Annie looked uncomfortable and he asked,

“Are you ok?”

“I might throw up.”

“Do you want to stay here tonight? We can both sleep in the bed, I don’t mind.”

She looked like she might refuse, but grimaced and gripped her stomach. 

“I appreciate it,” she managed, “but I might actually have something. My dad was sick last week. You should keep your distance.”

“Ok, I’ll sleep in the living room. Come on, let’s go inside.” 

They managed getting into the apartment and Reiner brought a glass of water next to his bed, where Annie was already laid out. There were no end tables yet. Annie had retrieved his mop bucket, too.

“Good night and good luck,” he said, shutting the door.

-

Reiner woke up more sore from trying to scrunch onto the couch than from drinking. Actually, he was hardly hungover at all.

His phone had a handful of messages, mostly from Armin and a couple from Gabi.

 **Armin:** Fun night!!

 **Armin:** So glad you came

 **Armin:** You were on the patio for a while ;)

Reiner rolled his eyes and opened Gabi’s messages.

 **Gabi:** How’re you doing?

 **Gabi:** At least you don’t have to sit through church anymore

The last one had just come through. It was about time for the morning service. She must have snuck her phone out. Unless their mom was not in the booth with her today? He shot her a text back.

 **Reiner:** Good, actually.

 **Reiner:** And i couldn’t agree more. I’m going to brunch soon, sucker 

**Gabi:** Going with Annie?

Reiner paused. Gabi was so going to give him shit.

 **Reiner:** Bertolt

 **Gabi:** omg

He waited for another text, but she must have gotten busy or reprimanded for using her phone. Now time to text said cute guy.

 **Reiner:** You up?

 **Bertolt:** :)

 **Bertolt:** Still want to get food?

 **Reiner:** Yes. Want to walk?

 **Bertolt:** Sounds good. Meet at the gate in thirty minutes?

 **Reiner:** See you there

Good. This gave him plenty of time to check on Annie and then shower. He eased the bedroom door open.

“Annie?”

He peered in only to realize no one was in there. His bed was neatly made and Bertolt’s unopened gift bag was in the center. No bucket or water glass was in sight. He texted Annie.

 **Reiner:** you good?

 **Annie:** Threw up. Feeling ok. Watching TV now

 **Reiner:** Lmk if you need anything

 **Annie:** Thanks

Well, that was one thing off the list. He crossed the room and gingerly picked up Bertolt’s gift. Sitting onto the bed, he drew a heavy, tissue wrapped cylinder from the bag. A mug, maybe? He ripped away the last of the paper and smiled.

It was one of the mugs from Maria’s. How had he gotten it, though? Reiner had never seen the mugs or any other type of merchandise on sale there, unless you counted gift cards. It was a simple coffee mug, off-white and typical of a diner. The only thing that separated it from any other place was a script font “Maria’s” across it that imitated the sign on the building.

He loved it.

His shower was a balance between wanting to leave as soon as possible and trying to look extra nice. Reiner told himself it was not just for Bertolt, but he knew he would not put this much care into it if he were meeting Annie.

Warmth flooded through him as the scenes unfolded from his memories. Sitting on the patio with Bertolt, his hand on his arm. Bertolt’s hands on his chest, Reiner’s hands on his sides. Reiner’s hands slid across his face, whisking away the last of the water. 

With a towel around his waist, he sat on the toilet lid, folded onto his knees, and shoved his fingers through his hair. Was it really possible Bertolt liked him? Should he ask him out? Would Bertolt even want to date someone so inexperienced as him? Again, he considered Willy Tybur. Was that the kind of guy Bertolt liked?

Reiner groaned. It was too much. Could he please stop thinking about Bertolt for two seconds? He put his music on blast, enjoying no longer needing headphones around the house. He needed to get dressed. His fluttery reminiscing was successfully interrupted, but unfortunately replaced by anxiety ridden thoughts of his parents all the way up until he locked his apartment door.

It was crisp outside, but it was a great day to walk. Maria’s was maybe fifteen minutes away on foot. In the opposite direction was the yoga studio, probably thirty minutes if you were walking. Bertolt had told him that sometimes he biked to class. Reiner tried to picture it, dark brown hair ruffled in the breeze. No, he probably wore a helmet.

He sucked in a big breath and tried to refocus himself. Bertolt waved to him from the gate and Reiner waved back before closing the distance.

“How’s Annie?”

“Back home. Feeling better, she said.”

“That’s good. How’re you?”

Reiner sighed. 

“I’m ok. There’s a lot going on right now.”

“Yeah. Have you heard from your parents?”

“No, not yet.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. Hey, I had a lot of fun last night.”

Bertolt brightened. 

“Yeah? Good. Me, too.”

“And thanks for the mug. I really like it. How’d you get one?”

“You do?” Bertolt beamed, stealing a long look at Reiner as they walked. 

“Yeah, it’s great.”

“I just asked them if I could buy one. The waitress shrugged and said why not.”

“Well, thanks.”

“No problem. I’m just glad you like it.”

They walked half a block in silence. It was peaceful, not awkward. Still, Reiner remembered something from the night before.

“Oh my god, I just remembered about Jean and Mikasa.”

Bertolt chuckled. “I’d say I can’t believe Armin was right, but.”

“Yeah, seriously, he should become a fortune teller or something.”

“Ha. Maybe it’s all those books. Do you think if we start reading all the time we’ll be able to read everyone’s minds, too?”

Reiner laughed openly at that, then added,

“I don’t know, piercing blue eyes might be a prerequisite.”

“They’re so blue!” Bertolt and Reiner were both laughing now, bumping into each other’s shoulder along the way.

“You know, he, uh, said he had me figured out a long time ago,” Reiner said, laughter over.

“Hmm. That doesn’t surprise me. So, you really did just come out yesterday, officially?”

“Is that weird?”

“What? No, of course not. Or, I don’t think so.”

That made Reiner feel a little better.

“So, when did you know? You said last night that you never dated anyone.”

“Oh.” Reiner hesitated. A memory resurfaced of staring longingly across the hall of lockers at the same soft smile and green eyes that were now walking alongside him. Bertolt had always been quiet, but seemed to attract friends even back then. Reiner had made friends, but had never really gotten close to anyone besides Annie. Until now, he realized.

“High school. I think I knew already, I just had a hard time believing it. But there was this one guy that I always liked.”

Why had he said that? 

“Oh? From our school?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Who?”

Reiner’s stomach dropped. 

_Why the fuck did I say that?_

What was he supposed to say now? The truth? Lie?

Bertolt smiled gently at Reiner’s silence and gave him an out.

“Sorry, you don’t have to say. But, if you had a hard time believing, what changed?”

“Annie.”

“What do you mean?”

“We kissed. It was terrible.”

“Oh.”

“What about you?”

There were nearly to Maria’s now.

“Oh, early high school. I kinda had a thing for Armin once, actually.”

“What?” Reiner held back a laugh. 

Bertolt chuckled for him. “It was nothing, really. I think it was only because I knew he was gay. I told him a few weeks ago and we had a good laugh about it. I had a few other crushes I guess, but I never went out with anyone.”

“But, you dated in college?”

“Nothing very serious. I wasn’t really out. By the time I was, I was about to graduate.”

Reiner wondered desperately how experienced Bertolt was and where Tybur fit into this.

“Why’s that?” He asked.

“It just never really worked out.”

Reiner swallowed the lump in his throat. He had to know. 

“What about now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you… interested in anyone?”

Bertolt grew flustered and pink in the face.

“I, uh. Um. N-no. I mean, yes. I am. Interested in someone. Are- are you?”

Reiner really hoped he was not about to make a giant fool of himself. But, fuck, he had to know. He stopped walking and turned to face Bertolt.

“Would you want to go to dinner? With me?”


	9. First Date

Reiner checked the clock incessantly. It was ten minutes to five. His knee bounced nonstop underneath the circulation desk.

“Reiner, are you ok?”

Armin leaned against the desk to his right, cup of tea in hand. Reiner forced his leg to still.

“No,” he muttered into his computer screen, “I have a date with Bertolt.”

“You _what?”_

Reiner slowly turned his head to meet Armin’s wide eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m just so nervous. I’ve never been on a date.”

“Why are you so nervous?”

“I don’t want to mess things up, Armin. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You won’t mess anything up. Relax. Don’t you go to Maria’s every weekend? This isn’t that different.”

He sighed. That seemed reasonable. As usual, Armin was probably right.

“Thanks.”

“It’s going to be great, don’t worry. Just get going, I’ll lock up.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, get out of here! But, you’re going to have to spill details later. Bertolt never tells me anything.”

Reiner blushed, but grinned boyishly and hurled himself out towards his car while yelling a ‘thanks’ to Armin. He thought briefly about Armin revealing that Bertolt talked to him about Reiner, but could not focus on that or anything else. His mind buzzed, refusing to settle on any one train of thought.

He fumbled with his keys, having turned into a sudden klutz. Soon, he was on his way home and finding himself grateful that he had already selected an outfit ahead of time. Should he shave the bit of beard coming in or did it look good? Damn, he should have asked Armin before he left.

No, focus. He just needed to wash off and then get dressed. And shave. That was a safe option. His stomach knotted all sorts of ways in anticipation. How did people do this? Everything was a jittery blur. 

He stood at his bathroom mirror, staring back at himself, trying to gain some composure. Then, the inevitable knock on the door. His heart thumped loudly in his chest and he forced his feet to step at a reasonable pace, not sprint, to the door. 

There he was. Looking perfect. Bertolt was nearly as tall as the door, even when he slouched. Reiner thought he seemed anxious. He wore a nicer coat than usual, and a scarf that concealed that long neck of his. 

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Reiner replied. “So, um, shall we?”

“Yeah,” Bertolt nodded, stepping back from the entrance. 

Reiner pulled over his own coat and double checked for keys, wallet, phone. Check, check, check. He locked the door and smiled at Bertolt. They made their way down the walkway and Bertolt said,

“If you don’t mind riding in a truck, I can drive.”

“I don’t mind.” Reiner looked forward to it, in fact. 

“Ok. I’m over this way.”

Bertolt guided them to the old truck, having to manually unlock the doors. As Reiner climbed in, he took a deep inhale. It smelled like old leather and Bertolt. The engine warmed and rumbled. Bertolt did not drive yet, though. He turned to Reiner, suddenly very serious.

“I hope you don’t feel pressured about any of this, Reiner.”

Reiner thought it was a little odd to say, but comforting. He had not quite considered being pressured, having been so caught up in being nervous for the date.

“I don’t think I do?”

Bertolt’s voice dropped a little lower.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to suggest that you feel pressured. I just wish someone had told me that.”

Reiner’s throat tightened. He thought he might be getting obsessive when Willy’s sneering face popped back into his mind. He needed to let that go. 

“Did something happen?”

Bertolt looked out the window and into the darkening sky. His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel.

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s go.”

Bertolt smiled warmly and Reiner’s breath stuck in his throat. He did not want to pry, so he just agreed. Bertolt pulled out from their apartment complex and they were off. The topics were light again all the way to the restaurant. Not that it was a long drive. Bertolt was laughing at one of Reiner’s jokes as they pulled up. A rich sound, but reserved, Reiner noticed. Almost as if Bertolt was hesitant to express himself. It only made Reiner want to make him laugh that much more.

“Wow, it’s busier than I expected. Maybe I should have made a reservation,” Reiner said nervously, eyeing a small crowd in the glass foyer.

“That’s ok, I don’t mind waiting.”

Bertolt held the front door open for him. Reiner’s grin slid off as he walked through the doors and nearly right into Levi.

“Coach? What’re you doing here?”

Levi scoffed. “What the fuck do you think?”

“Sorry,” Reiner said bashfully.

Levi had to look up to see both of them. A tall, very attractive man walked up behind him from the reservations booth.

“Erwin, good timing. This is Reiner. He trains at the gym. I guess these two are out for dinner?” Levi finished, brow raised at Reiner.

Erwin reached out to shake Reiner’s hand. He had a strong grip. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Reiner. Good to see you, Bertolt. I’m afraid we must go, though, our table is ready.”

Levi nodded and gave them both a parting glance before walking away with Erwin. Reiner requested a table of their own, then returned to stand next to Bertolt and asked,

“Who was that?”

“Erwin? He’s Levi’s partner.”

“You know, I’m starting to think I might seriously be the most oblivious person in the world. I had no idea.”

Bertolt chuckled softly beside him.

“Levi isn’t exactly an open book.”

“No. But, wow.”

“Braun, party of two!” The host announced.

They were taken back to a corner of the restaurant to a two-seat table not much bigger in diameter than the cafe tables at Maria’s. These were much more decorated, though. A wine colored tablecloth draped over the top and a soft glowing candle flickered from the center. 

Bertolt slipped out of his coat, hanging it with his scarf across the back of his chair. Reiner also shimmied out of his coat and took a seat. The host set down menus and went back to where they had come. 

Bertolt’s hair looked neater than usual, but still had a slight tussle to it. He was already skimming over the menu, which was buying Reiner time to stare. His sweater was dark against his skin and the collar of a button up poked out at the collar. And those lips. How often did Reiner imagine them? Too often, probably.

“Reiner?”

“Hmm?” Reiner suddenly locked eyes with Bertolt who was no longer reading the menu.

A slight smile played at Bertolt’s lips.

“What are you looking at?”

“Um,” Reiner swallowed, but decided to be honest, “You look really nice,”

Bertolt looked a little surprised, but he let himself smile fully before shyly ducking behind the menu and mumbling,

“You look nice, too.”

“Thanks.” Reiner turned to his own menu. He should probably know what he was going to order. 

But, first, he seriously had to get the shirt off his forearms. He never did like long sleeves. Trying to maintain some sort of formality, he carefully roll-folded his shirt sleeves instead of simply shoving them up. When he looked back up, he caught Bertolt’s gaze. Bertolt immediately glanced back down to his menu upon being found out. A light blush crept across his face, his expression shy. Reiner wanted to groan at how cute he was.

Bertolt spoke after the awkward pause. “Do you know what you’re getting?”

“I don’t know, maybe alfredo. You?”

“Maybe one of the salads. Tomorrow’s early class is going to be tough.”

“Don’t you decide how tough it is?”

“I like a challenge.”

“I don’t know how you do both back to back.”

Bertolt grinned at him. “You’re also a beginner. Although, you could probably try out an intermediate class if you wanted.”

“You think so?”

“I mean, you would have to do some modified poses. But, yeah.”

Reiner thought about what Armin had said before. He and Bertolt already spent time together. Bertolt was here because he wanted to be, Reiner had to assume. As it clicked, he could feel himself relaxing a bit.

“What about a private class?” Reiner flashed a grin.

Bertolt looked away, but said quietly, “I could arrange that.”

The meal passed on normally, as Armin had speculated. Although, Bertolt was being more shy than usual in general. Reiner noticed for the first time how much he seemed to avoid talking about his parents or his time in school. He would deflect each question back to Reiner, who decided not to pry.

When their waitress brought the check, Reiner reached for it.

“I can pay,” he offered.

Bertolt went stiff and asked, “Why not split it?”

Reiner stopped reaching and brought his hand back to his body. He was not sure where he had gone wrong. Was there some sort of unknown code here?

“I just didn’t want to be rude. Since I asked you here and all.”

Bertolt softened. “Oh. Ok. I don’t mind splitting it, though.”

Reiner thought about insisting, but something told him to drop it.

“Sure, let’s do that.” He smiled warmly and slid his card into the little black folder before passing it to Bertolt who did the same.

Bertolt still looked antsy.

“Is everything ok?” Reiner had thought it was going pretty well, but Bertolt was looking distant.

Bertolt looked down. “Sorry, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Do you think I’m… feminine?”

“No. Did I say something?”

Bertolt frowned. 

“I don’t know. Just, trying to pay for me. Or asking last week if I knew you were gay because of yoga. I mean, why did you ask me out?” Bertolt wouldn’t look Reiner in the eye. 

Why? For a whole host of reasons, some of which were beyond Reiner to understand himself. Of all those, he had never cared how masculine or feminine Bertolt might be. The only person that he worried about in that sense was himself. Had Reiner’s own fretting made Bertolt feel judged? 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m really sorry.”

Bertolt looked up hesitantly, Reiner continued, hoping he could make this right.

“I don’t think that. I’m just a dumbass and I got insecure. And you know even if you were feminine or something, I don’t care about that, I promise. I asked you on a date because I like that you’re kind and sweet, and I like spending time with you.” He took a deep breath. “I really like you, Bertolt. I like you so much that I wake up at eight in the morning on Saturdays just because I want to see you.”

Bertolt sat up, a glint in his eyes. “I thought you only went because of Levi?”

“He never asked me to go on the weekends,” Reiner admitted sheepishly.

The calm mask that usually settled across Bertolt’s features was changing to a look of surprise. “Were you wearing cologne the first day?”

“Yes.” His blush deepened. How did he remember that? 

“And the waiting after class?”

Reiner nodded, feeling shy now. Busted. But, the way Bertolt’s eyes were gleaming and how his lips resisted a smile were worth every second to Reiner. 

“You were interested in me then?”

Reiner stared across the table, unable to craft a smooth response.

“Of course I was. Even if you weren’t so nice, you - you’re - have you seen you?” Reiner was motioning towards Bertolt emphatically now. “I mean, you were cute in high school, but now you’re just fucking gorgeous. Damnit, Bertolt, how could I _not_ be interested?” 

_”What?”_ Bertolt leaned into the table, eyes wide, but had to immediately back up when the waitress dropped off their cards and two mints. He leaned back in when she walked away.

Reiner cleared his throat awkwardly and picked at his napkin, but did not look away. He was sure the feeling of warmth creeping across him was turning his face tomato red. He had not meant to be so forward, but how could he help himself? He wanted Bertolt to understand and not second guess himself so much.

“I wasn’t - I’m not... H-high school? What about that guy you liked?”

Reiner ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. 

“You were the guy.”

“You - back then?”

Reiner nodded, opening his eyes. Bertolt’s face was red and his hands were balled up nervously. This was the opposite of what Reiner had wanted. He just wanted him to feel more confident. Maybe he should just change the topic before digging the hole any deeper. 

“But, we’re here now, huh?” he said cheerfully, “Do you want to watch a movie or something after this?”

Bertolt’s eyes flicked away, but he nodded and began to smile. “Do you want to come over?” He asked quietly.

“If that’s ok?”

“I’d like that.”

On the way out of the restaurant, Reiner glimpsed Levi at a table with Erwin. Levi’s permanent frown was making its way towards what might be an actual smile.

“Holy shit,” he whispered to Bertolt.

“What?”

“I just saw Levi. And he was smiling.”

“Really?”

“I’ve never seen it before.”

“I’ve only seen it once. It’s almost scary.”

“Looks kind of unnatural.”

“Yeah.”

They both chuckled at that, passing back through the front doors of Angelo’s.

“Reiner?” Bertolt said as they approached the truck.

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you asked me out.”

“I’m glad you said yes.”

Reiner was grateful for the shortness of the drive. He felt anxious again, in a good way, about going to Bertolt’s place. Excitement was gnawing at him from the inside. He felt like a total amateur, debating with himself about trying to hold Bertolt’s hand from the passenger seat. The walk to the apartment door was filled with even more anticipation. 

Bertolt unlocked the door and swung it open. Reiner followed him into a mirrored version of his own apartment. Except Bertolt’s furniture and decorations were much more refined. 

“Wow. Did Armin help decorate or something?” Reiner took in the whole room.

“No,” Bertolt laughed, “if he had it would look better.”

“It’s really nice,” Reiner said, serious this time.

“Thanks. You can sit down. Do you want water? I don’t have soda or anything here.”

“Water would be great. Thank you.”

Reiner did as he was instructed and lowered himself onto the couch. Bertolt came back around from the kitchen and handed him a glass.

“Thanks.”

“Sure.” Bertolt picked up a remote. “What do you want to watch?”

“Anything is fine.”

“Ok. Tell me if you see something you like.”

Reiner watched options flip by until Bertolt settled on some TV show.

“Have you watched this?”

“No. Let’s watch it.”

He smiled at Bertolt who had chosen to sit directly next to him on the couch, making his pulse race. It was a funny show. At least, what parts of it Reiner actually watched. Neither he or Bertolt talked, and Reiner wondered again if he could hold his hand. 

_Just do it,_ he told himself. 

Reiner slid his hand towards Bertolt’s. He thought it was a good sign that Bertolt had left his hand resting, very available, next to his leg. Bertolt jumped slightly at the contact. Reiner was almost spooked by the jump and ready to withdraw, but Bertolt quickly laced his fingers through Reiner’s.

His hand was so warm, Reiner first noticed. Then, he realized that Bertolt’s hands made his look small. Even though Reiner was not much smaller than he was. But, Bertolt had these long fingers. Fingers that now gently curled onto the back of Reiner’s hand.

He focused on steadying his breath and acting as if he were watching the screen in front of them. Their second episode was already ending, but Bertolt did not opt to play the next one. The TV shut off and Reiner looked at Bertolt, who was setting the remote down.

His heart beat echoed in his head and time seemed to be going at a snail’s pace. Before this moment, their entwined hands had been all he could think about. Those same hands were now completely forgotten. Bertolt’s face was close enough that Reiner could feel his breath on his skin. 

His eyes fluttered closed as soft lips pressed gently to his own. Maybe he finally understood what people meant about feeling sparks. He could hardly breathe. Was it two seconds or two minutes later when they parted?

Slowly, he forced his eyelids open to find Bertolt watching him. 

“Was that ok?” Bertolt asked softly.

“Yes,” he whispered back, unable to muster anything louder. 

How did he say that he wanted more? He leaned forward a bit, hoping Bertolt would kiss him again. It seemed to be enough. Bertolt’s other hand came to rest on his thigh and Reiner’s stomach flipped. Bertolt gently captured Reiner’s lips once more and this time Reiner leaned in to it and tilted his head.

It was like a fire caught inside of him. He had kissed no one since Annie. If there were a scale with which you could weigh these things, the awkward lip press with Annie would not even register on it. Reiner lightly touched his other hand to Bertolt’s chest, something he had always wanted to do. 

This time when their lips parted, their faces barely moved apart. It seemed Bertolt was waiting for a sign or a reaction from Reiner. Or, had he not liked it?

“Was it bad?” Reiner asked, suddenly insecure again.

“No,” Bertolt said, “Was it bad for you?”

“No!” Reiner said quickly. “I’ve just never really - I thought maybe I might not be good at it.”

Bertolt smiled. “I liked it.”

“Oh,” he replied sheepishly. “Then, can I kiss you again?

Bertolt nodded and Reiner was the one leaning in this time. His hand found its way back to Bertolt’s chest, feeling warmth rising through the layers of clothes. Bertolt’s other hand moved up to gently hold Reiner’s jaw and neck.

A tiny moan escaped Reiner’s lips. To his delight, Bertolt deepened the kiss. Slowly, he felt himself being guided down and they were turning horizontal. At the same time, he felt wetness at his lips. A little nervous, he parted them and allowed Bertolt’s tongue into his mouth.

An honest moan came from him this time. Bertolt’s hand slid from his jaw and grabbed at his bicep. It was Bertolt’s turn to groan. Reiner tentatively pushed his tongue forward and Bertolt let it slip through. He experimentally ran the tip behind Bertolt’s teeth.

Bertolt shuddered and broke the kiss. They were both panting and pink. Bertolt looked down at him with a warm gaze and slight smile. Reiner thought he might burst, excitement and heat pulsing through him. This was incredible. _He_ was incredible.

“Reiner, I really like you.”

Even Reiner could see that now.

“I like you, too.”

“Can we do this again?”

“I really hope so.” Reiner slipped an arm around him, not sure how he got here or how he could be this lucky. Maybe he had lived a past life as a really dutiful monk or something?

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.”

It was a snug fit on the sofa, but Bertolt managed to curl himself around Reiner and rest his head on his broad shoulder. He sighed contentedly by Reiner’s ear. Reiner closed his eyes and leaned his nose into that messy, dark hair. He breathed in deeply, trying to memorize the smell of Bertolt’s shampoo.

“Are you smelling me?”

Reiner paused. “Sorry, is that weird?”

“No. I don’t mind.”

He nuzzled in a little more to the sweet scent. Was it floral? Bertolt’s arm wrapped around his chest and his fingers ran along Reiner’s opposite arm. The warmth of Bertolt cuddled beside him was spreading through his body pleasantly. 

They laid like that long enough that Reiner began to feel sleepy. He stifled a yawn and wished that he could stay forever. Bertolt yawned soon after and checked his phone. “I’m sorry, I should probably go to sleep soon. I don’t want to be totally exhausted at class.”

“That’s ok, I should go to bed, too.”

Bertolt walked him to the door after they reluctantly disentangled from each other on the couch. 

“I can walk you home,” he offered.

“No,” Reiner said, “you have to wake up way earlier than I do. Just go to bed.”

Bertolt yawned again, as if on cue. Reiner imagined him curled up cutely, surrounded by blankets and pillows. 

“Ok, thanks.” 

Reiner took his hand. “I had a really good time.”

“Me, too.” 

Reiner leaned in, inexplicably nervous all over again seeing as they had just made out. But, his anxiety melted away when their lips met again. He held the kiss for as long as seemed decent, trying to savor the moment. 

“Goodnight,” he said, finally pulling away. 

“‘Night,” Bertolt muttered, cheeks red.


	10. Reckoning

The buzzing would not end.

Reiner was bleary and half awake when he reached for his phone on the bedside table. He woke up slightly when his hand found nothing but tabletop. He almost succumbed back to sleep, not caring about any earthly possessions that were not his bed or pillow at the moment.

Buzzing resumed somewhere near his head, pulling him further away from sleep. 

He groaned and began returning to some level of consciousness. He fished under his pillows. The call ended once again before he could answer it, but he forced his eyes open in time to see that it had been a missed call from his parent’s house.

Back rigid, he was sitting upright in a heartbeat. Why were they calling so early? Why were they calling at all? His heart dropped. Did something happen? There were three missed calls. 

He waited a moment to see if they called again, but nothing came through. Shakily, he opened his phone and called back. Each ring felt like a lifetime. Just when he thought it was going to go unanswered, a familiar voice answered.

“Reiner?” It was his dad’s voice. 

The warm tone transported him back in time. A memory resurfaced of his dad picking him up from the dirt. He had fallen off his bike for the millionth time and his father had said, ‘let’s try again, Reiner.’ That alone nearly made Reiner break out in tears. He had no idea what to expect, but comfort had been pretty far down on his list.

“Dad?”

A pause.

“Can your mother and I take you out for breakfast?”

“Ok.”

Another pause.

“How does Maria’s sound?”

Of course. Where else was even open right now besides that one coffee shop off Main? And, was he hearing things, or did his dad sound nervous? It was a foreign sound. 

“Ok.” Reiner was unsure what else to even say.

“We’ll be there in thirty minutes.” Dad’s business voice said now.

“Ok.”

“We’ll see you there.”

The line dropped. Methodically, Reiner typed out a message to Bertolt. He felt numb.

 **Reiner:** I won’t be at class. Going to breakfast with my parents. 

He hit send and threw his phone into the comforter like it was burning his hand. He could not even look at it right now. 

_Shower. Just shower first._

It was like he was watching himself on TV as he zombied through a half-assed morning routine. He did not bother with anything more than a shower and finger-combing his hair. It was still too early, and it was a windy morning, but he decided to walk. What else was there to do? If he sat at home, he might panic in the stillness. No, he definitely would.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and walked mindlessly down the sidewalk. If he was slow enough, he might be able to get there at the same time as them. 

It was still only twenty past eight when he got there, but he caught sight of his parent’s white SUV. A holdover from when he and Gabi had both been in school and signed up for at least four extracurriculars between the two of them.

Taking a deep breath, he heard the door jingle as he opened it. His parents sat at a table near the door, impossible to miss. His breath fell away from him as he realized just how out of sorts they looked. When was the last time he had seen them like this? Not since Gabi was a toddler, he was sure. 

His mom stood from her chair as he came towards them. As soon as she was in range, she pulled him into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, I should’ve called.” She sniffled a little into his shoulder.

“Mom, c’mon, sit down.” The last thing he wanted was a scene in the local diner.

She pulled away and nodded, but he could see it was too late. She wiped her face quickly and excused herself, fleeing to the restroom. Slowly, he lowered into a chair and came face to face with his father.

Everyone always said they looked alike. And after puberty, when he would answer the phone, members from their church would say how they could hardly tell the two apart by voice. But, he had his mother’s blonde hair and hazel eyes.

His dad finally cleared his throat and spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

Reiner hardly dared to breath, much less move. 

“I was in shock. And denial. But I was wrong to walk away, and…” His dad’s voice was almost shaky and he paused to take a deep breath. “Reiner, I’ll always love you. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

His father had never been overly proud, and it was not the first time he had ever apologized to him. It was, however, perhaps the biggest request he had ever made of Reiner. 

“What about the church?” Was the first question that left his mouth. 

His father sighed and folded his hands over each other.

“I’ve got a lot of thinking to do. And praying. But, you’re my son. Nothing is going to change that.”

“What about mom?”

“Your mother loves you and your sister more than anything in the world. That will never change either.”

Speaking of, she was making her way back to their table. There was a little redness in her face, but she seemed to have washed away most of the evidence of crying. She sat down and looked between them.

“How are you doing?” She asked him softly.

“I’m ok.”

“Good. Reiner, we’ll always love you.”

He tried to let that sink in. “I love you, too.”

“You know, your dad and I were just talking about Thanksgiving. It’s coming up so fast this year. We know you’ve moved out, but we were hoping you’d still join us.”

Just like that, his mom guided them into a somewhat regular conversation. Some of his nausea melted away and he thought maybe it really was going to be alright between them. He agreed to go for Thanksgiving. They talked about how Gabi had a track meet soon, maybe Reiner could take time off work to come. And, did he want to come over for Sunday dinners?

The check rolled around and his dad took it wordlessly.

“Thanks,” he smiled tentatively.

His dad gave him a smile in return.

“No problem.”

When they offered to give him a ride back to his apartment, he accepted. Once in the car, he pulled out his phone for the first time since leaving that morning. There was nothing from Bertolt. He bit back disappointment.

But, to Reiner’s surprise, when the car came to a stop both of his parents got out. He found himself enveloped in a hug, but this time from his dad, and was hit with a sense of regret. Could he have done this years ago? 

No, it was pointless to worry about that now. 

His mom’s hug was more suffocating. He relished it.

“Ok, well. We’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I think so. Same time as always?”

“Of course. Gabi will be excited. She’s been moping in her room all week.”

“She has?” Reiner felt a pang of guilt. Maybe he could bring her a present or something to cheer her up.

“It’ll be good to have you over. We’ve missed you at the house.” His dad patted his shoulder.

“It’s only been a week.”

“It was a long week.”

Things unspoken lingered in that phrase. As usual, his mom manufactured a skillful goodbye for the end of their social outing. It reminded him of the way she always managed to magically clear church ladies from their living room when visits went on too long. 

He watched as they pulled away, feeling like his emotions had been thrown in a blender. The whole week was certainly the most eventful in recent memory. His mind wandered back to Bertolt and half wondered once more if their encounter the night before had in fact been a dream. Why had Bertolt not said anything all morning?

Reiner sighed and unlocked his door. He collapsed into his couch and closed his eyes for a moment of respite. He was far too wound up for any kind of sleep, but if he could just shut out the world for two seconds, it would be enough. 

An anxious ball was building itself in his stomach, and when he could take it no longer, he scooped up his phone and texted Armin. Maybe writing it out would make it feel more real. He started with something that was bound to grab Armin’s attention.

 **Reiner:** We kissed

No reply came in. After a few minutes, Reiner sighed. He could always try Annie, but that seemed weird for some reason. What time was it anyway?

Ten twenty-two. Bertolt should have been done with class by now. As his head clunked back to the arm of the couch, the whisper of a sound came at his door. At first he thought he might have imagined it, but the unmistakable sound of a knock came next.

He leapt up, nearly jumping to the door, dying for any kind of distraction. His heart leapt when he wrenched it open.

“Bertolt!” The excitement was obvious in his voice. Damn. Would he ever play it cool? 

“Reiner,” Bertolt smiled at his warm reception. “I’m so sorry. My phone died right as I was about to text you and I didn’t have my charger with me. Is everything ok? How was breakfast?”

His only response was to pull Bertolt into a hug. He sucked in a breath, revelling in the physical touch. Bertolt’s body was still warm from class and a little sweaty, but he did not care.

“Oh,” came from Bertolt as he returned the embrace.

Reiner wondered briefly if he was being weird. But, it was not like they had not hugged before. Bertolt buying his face into Reiner’s neck was telling him that it was not weird.

“Can I come in?” Bertolt asked into his ear. 

“Oh. Yeah.” Reiner released him. 

His couch sunk under their combined weight, forcing them to lean into each other. Not that he was complaining. Bertolt wiggled his arm from between them and let it fall across Reiner’s shoulder. To this, he closed his eyes and sighed happily. He let himself relax against Bertolt, able to feel his breath rising and falling.

“Is everything ok?” Bertolt’s tone was overflowing with concern.

Right. He had no idea that things had gone alright. All he knew was that he had gone with his parents that morning and then greeted him with an oversized hug.

“It’s more than ok.”

“Yeah? Tell me.” Bertolt laced his hand into his.

Was there a way for him to capture this moment? 

“We went to Maria’s. My dad apologized.”

“Really?”

“And they want me to come to dinner. And to Thanksgiving.”

“That’s great,” Bertolt squeezed his hand.

“It is. And so is this.”

“What?”

“This. With you.”

“Oh,” Bertolt said shyly, “yeah, it is.”

“I can’t believe you’re here. I kept thinking yesterday was a dream.”

“If it was, we were both there.” Bertolt’s stomach growled. “Sorry. I don’t suppose you want to go back to Maria’s?”

“Not really. I’m sorry.”

“That’s ok. I’ll just go home and eat something. I don’t usually eat much before class and I’m starving.”

“I can make you something,” Reiner offered cheerily.

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

He pulled himself out from the couch dip and headed for the kitchen. Bertolt got eggs and toast almost every week, and that was exactly what he intended to deliver. Bertolt came to lean against the counter and watch him. In the middle of cracking eggs, his phone began buzzing from the counter. 

Bertolt glanced at the screen. “It’s Armin.”

“Can you please answer? Just put him on speaker.”

Bertolt complied and Reiner immediately regretted it.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you kissed! No, I can believe it. But still! You have to tell me everything.”

Reiner’s eyes snapped up to meet Bertolt’s. The corners crinkled around his eyes as he broke into a big smile and raised both eyebrows. 

“Um, hi Armin,” Bertolt said into the receiver.

“Yes, hello,” Reiner followed up.

“Oh! Ohhh, my bad. Hi, Bertolt!”

“Hi.”

“Well, I called to gossip but I feel like I’m not going to get very far talking to both of you.” 

Armin’s absurd candidness caused Reiner to burst out into a fit of laughter. 

“Ok have fun you two.” Armin was about to hang up.

“Oh, wait, Armin.” Reiner wanted to tell him. 

“What?”

“My parents. They’re ok with it. I think. We went to breakfast.”

“Really? That’s great.”

“Yeah. So I guess I never needed your guest room after all.”

“Oh no, I worked hard on that room! You and Bertolt will just have to stay over. If Jean and Mikasa come, Eren might kill him and then Mikasa will kill Eren and I’ll have to pick a side.”

Reiner and Bertolt exchanged a shy look at that suggestion. Reiner focused on the other juicy gossip.

“How’s that going?”

“Well Eren is still glaring at Jean whenever we see him, so I would say it’s going ok. At least he hasn’t tried to fight Jean or some BS like when we were kids. Anyways, I should go. But congrats. And bye Bertolt!”

The line clicked off before either of them could actually say goodbye. 

“You talk to Armin about me?” Bertolt was still smiling.

“You do, too!” 

“Hey, how would you know?”

“A suspicion. And Armin accidentally let it slip the other day that you don’t tell him details.”

“Ah.”

Reiner laughed. “No wonder he knows everything all the time. He’s got us all reporting to him.”

“Mmhm.” Bertolt shook his head, grinning. 

“And your breakfast is served.”

He passed him the plate and grabbed a fork from the drawer for him, too.

“Thank you.” Bertolt took it to the table and Reiner sat down with him. “Hey, this is really good.” Bertolt motioned at his food with the fork.

“It’s just eggs and toast.” Reiner brushed it aside.

“Sure, but it’s still really good. Thanks again for breakfast.”

“No problem.”

Bertolt paused and gave him a curious look.

“You’re not very good at taking a compliment.”

Reiner had not much considered it before. 

“I guess not.”

Bertolt ate quickly. Reiner swiped his plate to wash it before Bertolt could consider doing so. 

“Thank you,” he said again, and then said quietly, “You know, if you wanted, we could make that private class happen. Since you missed out today.”

“Really?”

“Sure.”

“Do we have to go to the studio?”

Bertolt chuckled. “No, you have your mat here, don’t you?”

“Yeah. Let me get dressed.”

He slipped into his room and changed as quickly as possible. When he exited, his mat was already rolled out in the center of the living room and Bertolt was standing next to it. 

“Take a seat,” he said, tone sliding into what Reiner thought of as ‘instructor mode.’ 

He would be lying if he said it was not a little sexy.

But ten minutes later, sexy was far from his mind. It was becoming terribly clear that a private class with Bertolt was much more difficult than he had bargained for. When he complained about it, Bertolt said gently,

“We’re focusing on what you need to work on the most.”

“You must really know what I need to work on.” Reiner grunted from down dog.

A warm hand pressed lightly between his shoulder blades.

“I’ve had time to watch. Now, focus.”

Only once laid out for savasana did he have time to consider that this had been nearly as challenging as Levi’s singular foray at the studio. It was possibly even harder than that had been, but Bertolt was a much more pleasant teacher, so that was a factor. These contemplations began to fall away as he relaxed further. 

When Bertolt began speaking again, his voice was nearby and growing closer. By the time he stopped talking, Bertolt’s face was a foot from his. He opened his eyes and his heart rate picked up. 

He reached up and grazed Bertolt’s jaw with his fingertips. Bertolt’s eyes closed at the touch. He was on the ground, half hovering over him. Reiner slowly slid his fingers behind his neck and drew him down into a kiss. A kiss he had wanted ever since their kiss goodnight. 

Bertolt’s body sank against his. He was heavier than Reiner had expected, but that just made it more exciting. 

“Mmh,” he hummed against Bertolt, who responded by pushing him into the floor and deepening the kiss. 

Reiner wanted to touch him and so he did. He finally could, and it was alright. One hand came to cling to Bertolt’s back and the other slid from his neck to his bicep and squeezed experimentally. 

Bertolt gasped and broke the kiss, whispering into his ear, “They’re not as good as yours.”

Bertolt pressed a soft kiss right below his ear and Reiner’s breath caught. 

“I like them. I like everything.”

“Everything?” Bertolt whispered before lightly biting his earlobe.

_How does that feel so good?_

His only verbal answer was a small gasp, but he brought both hands to run along Bertolt’s sides. There was enough space to one side for him to press his palm into Bertolt’s chest. Bertolt responded by kissing him again, but this time it was a little rougher than before. 

_Fuck._

He instinctively pushed his hips up and gripped at Bertolt tightly. 

“Sorry,” Reiner whispered. He had definitely just shoved his erection against Bertolt’s leg. 

Bertolt looked at him, amused.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Oh. It’s not - is it too much?”

“Do you think it’s too much? I can get off.”

“No!” That was the last thing Reiner wanted right now. Bertolt dipped down and kissed his neck.

“Is this too much?” He teased.

Reiner gasped in response and curled his fingers into Bertolt’s back.

“And what about this?” Bertolt whispered before kissing his chest.

“No,” he whispered back.

“No? Then maybe this is too much.”

He had thought that all of Bertolt’s weight had already been on him already, but obviously he had been wrong. Bertolt let himself grow heavier, which was delightful all on its own, and sank into him completely. Reiner heard a small whimper escape his own mouth as something hard pressed into his thigh and hip. He rocked his hips back up against Bertolt’s leg before he could stop himself. 

And then their lips were crashing together in a new way. A messy, insistent way. Reiner had thought it would be good, but he had never expected just how electric every sensation of being with someone would be. With Bertolt.

He pushed his tongue into Bertolt’s mouth, remembering the positive response of the night before. Bertolt moaned and pushed his hips harder against Reiner, drawing a deep groan from him.

He wanted to make Bertolt feel like that. Bertolt was compliant and Reiner soon had him on his back and was kissing him from above. He straddled him and rocked, losing all sense of self consciousness to how good it felt. Copying Bertolt, he moved his lips to place a wet kiss right below his ear. 

_“Reiner,”_ he moaned, voice rising and breathy.

Something ignited inside him. Their lips met again and he muttered a ‘sorry’ when their teeth met, too. Bertolt said nothing, only catching him again for more and pushing up his hips in reply. Reiner wanted more. He rolled off Bertolt so that he could needily grab his hip before sliding his hand down to the hard outline in those goddamn stretchy pants. 

Bertolt whined and arched against him. He felt drunk on Bertolt’s reactions. He gently squeezed and heard Bertolt suck in his breath. Without thinking, he slid his hand to the waistband of his pants. He wanted him so bad.

“Wait.” Bertolt whispered suddenly. 

He felt his hand captured by Bertolt’s very warm one. Did he do something wrong? He pulled back and for the first time got a bigger picture of the man beside him.

Bertolt’s hair splayed across his forehead. He was breathing hard, but did not look upset. No, he looked more relaxed and happy than Reiner had ever seen him. It was nearly irresistible and Reiner struggled not to touch him again, seeing him in this state.

Reiner tried to speak, but only a rasp came out. He cleared his throat and tried a second time,

“Is something wrong?”

“No,” Bertolt replied.

“Do you want to stop?”

“No.”

Reiner raised an eyebrow in confusion. Then why had they stopped?

“I just want to make sure you’re ok with this,” Bertolt clarified.

“Yes. Wait, ok with what exactly?”

“Going further?”

Reiner’s ultimate aim had been to touch Bertolt, and admittedly, he had not thought much past that. He thought he would like to get him off if he could. Was Bertolt expecting more?

“I mean, I wasn’t trying to go all the way to be honest.” Reiner felt it important to say aloud. 

No matter how turned on he was right now or how much he wanted to think about _that_ with Bertolt, he was not even close to ready. 

_Does he want that?_

“Oh! N-no, I didn’t think that you - I’m sorry, I just meant however far you want to go. I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.” Bertolt’s face was approaching a funny shade of pink that made Reiner smile.

“Then, yes, I want to go further. If you want to.”

“Yes,” Bertolt whispered. 

Reiner looked around and was coming to the conclusion that the floor, however exciting it had been, was not particularly comfortable.

“Do you want to go to my room?” He offered. 

“Ok.” Bertolt’s voice was breathy again and it made Reiner’s pulse rush. 

He got up and offered a hand to Bertolt who seemed to be in a haze. They went hand in hand to the bedroom.

“Gee, looks familiar.” Bertolt let out a strangled sort of chuckle.

Was he nervous? Sure, Reiner was plenty nervous, but if he was being honest, his thought process was mostly running through his other head. But, Bertolt had done this before, right? What did he have to be nervous about? Did he actually like Reiner that much?

Bertolt scooted up shyly to lay on the pillows, seeming anxious. Reiner lowered himself to the mattress. 

“Are you sure it’s ok?” He asked, feeling worried about Bertolt’s new behavior.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Even though Bertolt said the words, Reiner did not fully lay down. He was studying Bertolt’s eyes for any indication that they should abandon their current path.

“Kiss me?” 

He would not resist such a request. The kiss matched the softness with which Bertolt had asked for it. Reiner’s skin tingled and his breath hitched as a hesitant hand creeped up his shirt. He shuddered involuntarily as fingertips brushed his stomach. 

Maybe he was beginning to understand Bertolt’s sudden shyness. This was much more intimate than what had just happened on his living room floor. He had been impatient before. Now he wanted to relish each moment. Bertolt sighed when Reiner kissed his cheek and landed little pecks along his jaw. What else could he do? He had to find out.

Bertolt’s hand was still up his shirt and he felt it tense when he copied the action. It was exhilarating and nerve wracking in the best kind of way as he slowly, for the first time, explored the bare skin of someone else. The kissing had ended and they were now looking into each other’s eyes. It was terrifying, but Reiner could not bring himself to look away or stop. His heart pounded like when he first held Bertolt’s hand. 

When it finally overwhelmed him, he shut his eyes and focused on what was registering underneath his fingertips. There was some hair there, but not as much as his own, he thought. Bertolt’s chest felt as solid as he had imagined it to be. And as usual, his skin was ridiculously warm. No wonder he sweat so much. 

Bertolt sighed again as Reiner explored his pecs, brushing a nipple along the way to the collarbones. He no longer registered any movement from Bertolt’s hand, which had stilled over his ribs. Having gone all the way up, it was time to try out the other direction. Reiner paused for a moment to take in the wonder of it all. 

Bertolt kissed the top of his head and Reiner’s chest constricted. He silently resumed his expedition. Fingers traced lightly across a lean stomach, then took a detour from their trip south. He spent extra time over Bertolt’s hips, finding them inexplicably attractive. He had to see them. 

Bertolt watched as he lifted his shirt a few inches. Reiner could not say what it was that drew him, or why it was overriding his earlier sense of trepidation, but his lips met the skin where it began to dip back to the stomach. He kissed it and then a thought occurred to him. He parted his lips and very gently nipped at Bertolt’s hip bone.

“Ah!” Bertolt’s body twitched and his hand clenched at Reiner’s side.

Reiner sat up, grinning stupidly at this success. Bertolt first had wide eyes, but then they narrowed in playful suspicion.

“Are you sure you’ve never done this?”

He shook his head, a bit of bashfulness returning at the attention. Bertolt sat up and gently pushed Reiner to the bed. 

“You should know what that feels like.”

“Wha-,” he gasped and threw his head back when Bertolt returned the favor with not only his teeth but also his tongue.

He felt his shirt sliding up and looked down at Bertolt. Soon, his head was back again as he was being gently peppered with kisses. As soon as Bertolt withdrew, Reiner sat up and yanked the shirt off. 

Exposed was the first word that came to mind. He felt reasonably confident in his body, but was wondering how it held up under Bertolt’s visual inspection. He saw Bertolt’s lips move and heard a sound, but could not make out what was said.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Bertolt whispered. 

When Reiner began to push his shirt further up, Bertolt sat up and let him slide it off. Reiner’s eyes searched over his perfect torso. Tanned, with dark hair and the occasional freckle. Bertolt looked at him shyly. Reiner looked back into his eyes before kissing him again, pressing their bare chests together and pulling him back to the bed.

Bertolt pulled away. “Can I touch you?”

Reflexively, Reiner wanted to make a nervous joke about them already touching. But, he kept his bad humor to himself. He knew what Bertolt was asking.

“Yes,” he breathed, anticipation flooding his senses.

Bertolt started on top of his gym shorts, cautiously palming him. He gasped. If it was this good already, how was he supposed to survive the next part? Eyes closed, he leaned his forehead into Bertolt’s neck. His breath hitched when the careful touch moved to his waist band. It was so precise. So measured. 

So Bertolt.

The first touch was like nothing he had ever accomplished on his own. The only thing he could hear was his own broken breathing against Bertolt’s skin. His eyes were shut tight and small noises were escaping him, but he barely registered anything that was not Bertolt’s hand. Except a thought pierced his haze and moved his hand before his conscious self had caught up. His hand lingered at the border of skin and cloth, his brain unsure how to ask. Bertolt answered.

“You can touch me, too.” 

There was stretchy resistance from underwear and pants alike as he eased his hand further down. In the same way that being touched was different, so was touching. A new shape, a reaction that was not his own, and sounds that came from someone else. It was pleasing in a way he could not have guessed to hear Bertolt’s response, surprisingly noisy considering his usual quiet demeanor. 

His pants were making it sort of difficult to move, though. Bertolt paused in response to the frustrating fight against the spandex. The misfortune of the hand leaving Reiner’s pants was quickly replaced by the very rich sight of Bertolt sliding his last pieces of clothing down his hips and off his ankles.

He was staring but he could not stop. Would not.

“What?” Bertolt asked, his voice nervous. 

“You’re so…” Reiner struggled to find the words. “Fuck,” he mumbled, reaching out to touch Bertolt.

“What does that make you, then?” he said quietly.

“Lucky.” Reiner trailed his hand along Bertolt’s thigh. “Should I take mine off, too?”

“If you’re comfortable.”

Comfortable. What a relative term. Reiner could not claim any sense of comfort at the moment. Joy, pleasure, anticipation; these were all more appropriate descriptors of his current state. 

Regardless, soon he was equally naked. 

Bertolt’s wandering eyes and breath sucking in was plenty reward for it. Reiner met his lips and swallowed the fear that he would not be able to please Bertolt. His heart raced when he reached back down and began working according to what he knew for himself. And then Bertolt’s lips fell away, now issuing the most delicious sounds. 

Bertolt’s hand moved in all the right ways. Reiner’s grunts and gasps were quiet in comparison to the moans beside him, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. Just this. All his senses were fading except for one. 

By the time Bertolt cried out, Reiner was too far gone to recognize his own name. The warmth flooding into his hand sent him right over the edge. Bertolt’s name was on his lips, but only half came out before devolving into something unintelligible.

A rush of reality and clear thought invaded his head, like suddenly returning from a waking dream. He could hear himself breathing hard. Gently, he withdrew his hand. Bertolt whimpered one last time.

“Oh my god,” he muttered, taking in the scene. 

“Mm,” Bertolt agreed, already nuzzling his face into Reiner’s hair.

“We’re a mess.”

“Part of the deal,” Bertolt muttered sleepily. 

As good as sleep sounded, he shook Bertolt awake.

“C’mon, let’s clean up.”

“Mmkay.” Bertolt pulled himself up with obvious reluctance.

“We can shower,” Reiner offered. He would really like to keep Bertolt unclothed longer if it was possible.

“Ok,” Bertolt’s smile was sweet and relaxed.

 _Like the rest of him,_ he thought. 

It felt weirder than he expected to be nude with someone else. But, he supposed it was a little late for modesty. He started the shower and stepped in. Even though the tub-shower combo was not exactly roomy, they washed and rinsed, stealing looks at each other’s bodies. Bertolt’s shy glances through dark lashes tugged at his heart. It was a different kind of intimacy.

Once dry and partially clothed, Reiner guided Bertolt back to the bed. Within a few minutes, he was passed out, splayed across a little more than half of the bed. Reiner studied his face, soaking up the peaceful moment. When had he ever seen him so utterly relaxed? 

His voyeurism was short-lived. Bertolt’s eyebrows knit together in his sleep and he made a little noise before rolling towards him and burying himself against Reiner’s body. Reiner’s breath caught in his throat and his arm snaked around Bertolt. 

_This_ was comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't resist giving Reiner good things! Although, I never planned for his parents to stay away. They're nice people.


	11. Steady

“Yeah, he’s right here. No, he’s fine. I think he just fell asleep. Ok, I’ll tell him.”

Annie? His eyes opened to find her perched at the bottom of his bed. 

“What’re you doing here?” 

What time was it? His hand reached out to grope for his phone, but was met by very warm, very bare skin. 

_Shit._

Annie’s smirk was nearly a real smile. 

“Good day?” she quipped. 

Reiner sat up and glanced over. Somehow, Bertolt was still napping, breathing heavily, hair strewn across his forehead. His pillow was nowhere to be seen and one of his legs draped over Reiner’s. 

“Um, yeah,” he said timidly. It was a little late to deny anything. Not that he wanted to deny that Bertolt was asleep in his bed. No, he wanted to be able to tell someone. Well, there were only two people he would have told and one of them was sitting at the end of his bed already.

Annie tossed something and Reiner managed to catch it. His phone.

It was filled with missed calls and a few messages from Gabi and Armin.

“Gabi’s ok. I just talked to her. That’s why I’m here.” Annie stood from the bed.

“Did something happen?”

“I don’t think so. She just said she got worried when you didn’t answer for so long, so she asked me to come check on you.”

Of course. 

“Oh. Maybe she was just worried after this morning.”

Bertolt began to stir. A long arm snaked across Reiner’s lap. Bertolt pulled himself closer and fell back asleep, his head nestled against his thigh. Reiner looked at Annie, trying to convey that he was helpless in the matter.

“What happened this morning?” To her credit, Annie acted completely unphased by the scene in front of her. 

“My parents took me to breakfast.”

“And?”

“And they apologized. It went really well, actually. I’ll call her.”

“Oh. Good. I’m glad.”

“Thanks.”

“Ok, well, I guess I’ll leave you two alone.”

“Ok,” Reiner said, blushing slightly.

“Reiner?”

Annie paused, hand on the door frame.

“Yeah?”

“I’m happy for you.”

She left before he could respond to that, but he smiled towards the door. Now that she was gone, he let the blanket fall away from his chest. He had been attempting some amount of modesty in front of her. At least their bottom halves were covered because Bertolt was almost completely out of the blankets and half on top of him.

Bertolt’s arm tightened and he dragged his head onto Reiner’s lap, to which he smiled and ran a finger through his dark hair.

“Reiner?” His voice was still thick with sleep.

“Good morning. Well, afternoon.”

Bertolt rolled onto his back, stretching his arms above his head. He looked up and it took Reiner’s breath away.

“Annie was here,” he said, staring at Bertolt.

“Here?”

“She just left.”

“But, like, she was inside this room?”

“Yep.” 

“Oh.”

“Apparently Gabi called her to come check on me because I wasn’t answering my phone. She’s just worried about this morning I bet. I’ve got to call her back.”

“Ok.” 

Bertolt rolled to his side now, watching Reiner. It was incredibly distracting. So much so that he had to look away when Gabi answered.

“Reiner!”

“Hey.”

“What happened? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”

Reiner stole a glance at the man in his bed.

“Uh, sorry, I fell asleep. I left my phone in the other room.”

Gabi was silently suspicious for a moment, but moved on.

“Ok, so how was breakfast with mom and dad?”

“It was really good. I’m coming for dinner tomorrow.”

“What? That’s great!”

“Yeah. It is.”

“I’m excited you’re coming tomorrow. It was so weird having dinner just the three of us this week.”

Reiner chuckled. “I’ll come and rescue you. Sorry I can’t get you out of church, too.”

“That’s ok. Hey, how’d your date go?”

He looked again at Bertolt and smiled. “Oh, uh, really well.”

“Oh my god!”

“Shut up.”

“Is he your boyfriend now?”

“I don’t know, is Falco yours?”

“Ugh! I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She hung up abruptly at that. The truth was, he was asking himself the same question. He looked back at Bertolt.

“Is she ok?” Bertolt asked him.

“She’s fine, she just got nervous for me earlier. But, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Are we... together?” He tried to keep his voice neutral, but his hope was palpable.

Bertolt sat up.

“I’d really like to be.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want that?”

“Of course I do.”

“Ok, then, yes.” Bertolt looked away, voice dropping. “I don’t think I could handle only being casual with you, Reiner.”

“Me, neither,” he admitted.

Bertolt smiled, looking back at him, when a large yawn interrupted and he slumped back down to the bed. The way he stretched after that was terribly tempting. 

Reiner’s throat tightened. “Maybe this is a bad idea after all.”

“What?” Bertolt’s eyes sprung open wide.

“You’re just too good looking. I don’t think I can take it.”

Bertolt turned over, buried his face, and groaned. 

“Shut up,” he mumbled.

Reiner lowered to the bed again and wrapped his arm around Bertolt’s waist. He pulled so that Bertolt’s back was flush to his chest. He couldn’t get over how warm he was to the touch.

“You know,” he said softly, “It kind of feels like you ought to be the big spoon.”

“You’ll have to make me. Because I like this and I don’t plan on moving,” Bertolt replied.

“Is that a challenge?”

“If it was, I would win.”

Bertolt’s sudden boldness came as a surprise. Reiner grinned and slid his hand to Bertolt’s side.

“Says who?” He teased.

Bertolt gave him a sideways glance and raised his eyebrow. An invitation, it seemed. But his attempt to overturn him was met with serious resistance. Bertolt was clearly stronger than he had let on before. 

Fine.

Reiner sat up. If Bertolt refused to move, then he would come to him. As soon as it became clear that he was trying to climb his way to the other side, Bertolt said playfully,

“I wouldn’t if I were you.”

Reiner lunged to the other side, trying to overcome whatever resistance Bertolt was going to put up. When there was none, he realized either Bertolt had given up, or -

“You’re pretty strong.” Bertolt was looking down at him, straddling his hips. 

“How-”

Bertolt cut him off with a passionate kiss. Just when it was getting heated, Bertolt escaped the hungry kiss and started shimmying his shirt back on. 

“C’mon, we should get ready. We’re supposed to be at the rink in an hour.”

Reiner stared in shock. Where did that come from? Fuck, that was hot. Was this his life right now?

“What?” Bertolt asked, looking nervous again.

“Are we really dating now?”

Bertolt stopped moving. The half smile he wore was enough to steal Reiner’s breath yet again. Before Reiner knew it, Bertolt was standing over him. Bending over. Lips moved over his in a deep, slow way that made him ache. Long fingers tangled in his hair. 

“Does that answer your question?”

“Yes,” he breathed out, unable to open his eyes. Unwilling. He was trying to sear that kiss into his brain. He reached out, but Bertolt was gone.

“Reiner.”

“Hmm?” His eyes were still shut tight. He lightly touched his fingertips to his still tingling lips.

“We’re going to be late.”

“We have time,” he muttered. 

“No. We won’t.” He opened his eyes to see Bertolt’s eyes sweeping over his face and chest. He let one arm fall above his head.

 _“Reiner.”_

The whine in Bertolt’s voice made him realize he might be serious. And they really could not be late. 

Reiner groaned and pulled himself out of the bed. 

“I need to go get dressed. Want to meet at my place in twenty minutes?”

“Sounds good.”

“Ok. See you then.”

Bertolt gave Reiner a quick kiss before leaving. When the front door clicked shut, he collapsed onto the bed in wonder. 

-

They stood side by side outside the old building. Reiss Rolling Rink. Reiner groaned.

“I can’t believe I’m going to do this. If it weren’t Armin, I wouldn’t”

“Really? You don’t like roller skating?”

“I’m not the most coordinated person.”

“I’ll help you,” 

He sighed. “Let’s go.”

They got up to the door and found Jean and Mikasa in line already. 

“I bet Armin’s already skating,” Bertolt commented.

“Probably,” Mikasa agreed. 

Exactly as they speculated, Reiner saw him roll by as soon as they entered the main area. Eren was following closely behind with a bit less grace. Mikasa and Jean wasted no time and rolled out as soon as possible. Reiner sat at the table and stalled. He had the skates on, but had not stood up. Bertolt and Marco looked positively giant with the extra few inches.

They turned to him as if in sync. 

“Coming?” Bertolt grinned.

Reiner frowned a little and rose to his feet, unsteady. He felt Bertolt’s warm touch at his back and on his hand.

“Don’t lean back.” Oh, it was the instructor's voice.

Well, if he was going to get Teacher Bertolt helping him, then wheels away. He loved hearing Bertolt slide into that confident mode. Bertolt kept his hand and gently led him to the edge of the rink. He glanced at Marco, curious if he would have a reaction at their new closeness. 

In Marco fashion, he simply flashed a bright grin and said, “See ya!” before dropping in to skate.

“What if I fall? I haven’t done this in years.”

“You might.”

“What?”

“But, it’s ok. You’ll do fine.”

“Ok.” He took a deep breath and tried to remain balanced as he began to slowly roll along the edge of the rink. 

“See?” 

Reiner smiled in return. Yeah, ok. Not so bad. He tried going a little faster. Alright, so far so good. 

He nearly tripped in surprise when Bertolt let go of his hand and began skating in front of him. Facing him.

“You can go backwards?”

“Focus.” Still in teacher mode.

So, he did. They were picking up speed. He felt a burst of confidence, but it was quickly dampened by a new expression on Bertolt’s face.

“We’ve gotta stop.”

“What?”

Stop? How the hell was he supposed to do that? Then, he saw what Bertolt had seen. A group of younger kids were stalled and it was right in their path. He resigned himself to a good bruise and was about to simply bail to the floor.

But, strong hands pulled him in close. He heard an ‘oof’ as he slammed Bertolt into a padded half wall. Bertolt was laughing, arms keeping Reiner in close.

“You’re amazing,” Reiner said in awe. “Are you hurt?”

“No, just had the wind knocked out of me a little.” Bertolt smiled wide, no longer laughing. “You’re cute.”

He could already feel the blush creeping and was starting to wonder how they looked right about now. 

“Hey! Great save!” Armin skidded to a stop in front of them.

“Hey. Happy birthday!” Bertolt turned his smile to Armin. He still held on to Reiner. 

Eren came to a stop behind Armin. 

“Holy shit, did you finally get together?” 

And who said Eren never noticed anything?

They both nodded, blushing. Reiner straightened and pulled away from Bertolt’s hold. He was still a little unsteady.

“Fucking finally. I swear, if I had to hear one more time about how you should be getting together.” Eren looked pointedly at Armin who had the decency to look slightly abashed.

Bertolt squeezed Reiner’s hand.“We should get off the floor.”

Armin smiled. “I’m going to keep skating. Eren?”

“Yep, I’m with you babe.”

Reiner and Bertolt made it to the next exit. Sasha and Connie passed them there, shouting hello as they launched into the rink. Reiner was impressed, but not surprised, to see that they were already speeding recklessly along while skillfully dodging slowpokes and children.

Reiner smiled at Bertolt from the edge. “You can keep going if you want. I’m not sure this is for me.”

“You did good. I think I will keep going, though.”

Ymir and Historia were hanging out at the table. Reiner turned his skates back in and padded in just his socks back their way.

“Hey, I was going to get pizza. Want some? Or beer?”

“Beer,” Ymir said.

“Pepperoni?” Historia smiled.

“You got it.” He slid his shoes on and laced them back up.

He was grateful to be back on solid ground. The line was getting long, but at least he was not attempting to balance or roll anywhere. He passed the time mostly by watching Bertolt make circles, paired off with Marco. Reiner caught himself smiling and tried to resume a normal expression when he made it to the counter.

Reheated pizza and warm beer pitcher in hand, he strode back to the table. This was something he could do at least, simple as it may be.

“Thank you!” Historia cried, grabbing a slice at once. “I skipped lunch.”

“I told her not to.” Ymir poured a plastic cup of beer. She winced at the temperature of it, but drank it anyway.

Reiner poured his own cup and grabbed a slice. He was about to return to eye-stalking Bertolt, but Ymir struck up a conversation.

“So, you and tall boy, huh?”

“Tall boy?” He smirked at the nickname.

“I mean, look at him.”

“I know,” he said, smiling sweetly. He knew.

“Ugh, keep it in your pants.” Ymir scoffed. 

Historia still grinned. “You guys are cute together.”

“You sound like Armin.”

She laughed at that. Reiner noticed how fondly Ymir looked at her for it. Hypocrite.

“Incoming!” Marco shouted from behind them shortly before a hot body knocked into Reiner.

His beer splashed a bit and he coughed on his pizza.

“Sorry,” Bertolt said, “I misjudged.”

He smiled stupidly and swallowed.

“You can run into me any time,” he said low enough for Bertolt only.

“Hey, what’re you saying over there? Get a room.” Ymir narrowed her eyes.

“Ymir,” Historia groaned, rolling her eyes.

Bertolt and Marco sat to either side of him.

“Is this communal pizza?” Marco asked politely.

“Yeah, dig in. The beer is warm, but that’s open, too.” Reiner grabbed a second slice and Bertolt grabbed one, too.

“Thanks!” Marco helped himself to some of each. “Where’s Annie?”

“She had to cover a shift last minute. Armin and I talked about taking things to the Dot after this maybe. She said she would give him a birthday shot.”

“I’d be down.” Marco’s smile was more eager than usual, if that was possible. 

“You talking about Dots?”

Armin pulled up next to the table. 

“What, you have supersonic hearing now, too?” Reiner teased.

Armin stuck his tongue out, but Bertolt laughed at his joke. 

Eren, Jean and Mikasa rolled up next. 

“Hey, Birthday Boy, were you still thinking about the Dot after this?” Eren wrapped his arms around Armin as he asked.

“We were just talking about that. Let’s ask Sasha and Connie if they’re up for it. What about everyone else?”

They all hummed in agreement. 

A full hour later, Armin was finally skated out. Even Bertolt had come back to the table to join Reiner twenty minutes earlier. Sasha and Connie had split a pizza for themselves and were groaning about cocktails and the shortcomings of beer. Bertolt’s leg pressed into Reiner’s thigh silently beneath the table.

Armin and Eren were on their own two feet as they sauntered up. Armin’s face was pink and he wore a big smile. Eren looked a little worse for wear. His man bun was falling out and his walk was stiff, but anyone could see the way he stared at Armin adoringly.

“Thanks so much for coming here. I know you didn’t all even skate. But, it was a great birthday present! And now we can go see Annie for some decent drinks.”

Everyone re-wished him a happy birthday and extracted themselves from the neon table. Reiner gathered up the trash, which Marco helped with automatically. He followed him closely to the trash can.

“Reiner?” Marco asked once out of earshot of the others.

“Yeah?”

“Is Annie seeing anyone?”

“Not that I know of. Why?”

“I’d like to ask her to get coffee sometime. Do you think she would be interested?”

Reiner stopped and took Marco in. He looked uncharacteristically jittery. Would she? 

“Sorry, was that odd for me to ask?”

“No, you’re fine. Although, to be honest, I really don’t know.”

“Oh, ok.”

Annie had never expressed much interest in anyone in the group. Then again, the most time she spent with anyone besides Reiner was at The Dot from behind the bar. She was such a loner that she really only came out with them at Reiner’s explicit request.

“Sorry I couldn’t be of more help. Good luck.”

“That’s ok. Thanks.” Marco smiled and walked off.

Even if Annie did say yes, Reiner was having a difficult time imagining them having coffee together. Marco was just so happy and outgoing and Annie… well. Bertolt met him at the door.

“What was Marco talking to you about?”

“He was thinking about asking Annie to go get coffee and wanted to know if I thought she would say yes.”

Bertolt sounded as surprised as he had felt. “Would she?”

“I don’t know.”

“Does she date much?”

“Not really. I know she’s had a few boyfriends. She keeps that stuff pretty quiet, but I think I would know if there had been anything serious. Now that I think about it, though, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her with anybody.”

“Hmm.”

“What?”

“Just trying to picture her with Marco. I’m still trying to get used to Mikasa and Jean. Although, I'm not convinced that's going to work out.”

“Why's that?”

“Didn't you see them arguing earlier?”

"No, I didn't see that." He had spent most of the time watching Bertolt.

They ducked into Reiner’s car. It was small for Reiner, but Bertolt looked positively squished. As he drove, he could feel Bertolt watching him.

“What’re you looking at?” He glanced over to confirm the green eyes combing over him.

“You.”

Reiner groaned. Was Bertolt trying to get him to ditch Armin’s birthday? Did he understand what he was doing to him? Maybe they could steal some time later on the desolate Dot patio. It would be cold, but it would be worth it. He spied a parking spot close to the front.

“Oh, nice, there’s a spot in the gravel. I always end up in the grass. I can drive us later, I don’t really feel like drinking. That warm beer was gross.” 

Reiner squeezed between two cars, but Bertolt said nothing. Reiner turned to see him frozen, staring out the window.

“There’s something I need to tell you.” Bertolt sounded oddly flat.

“What?”

“My ex is here.”

Reiner frowned. 

“Willy?”

Bertolt’s head snapped back to look at him, eyes wide. 

“Did Armin tell you?”

“Yes.”

“What else did he say?” He was fidgeting and anxious.

“Nothing. Just that you went out and that he wasn’t going to tell me any more than that.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want to leave? I can take you home.”

“No. I don’t want to run.”

“Run?”

“Um. I just mean. I can stay. It’s a small town, I can’t just avoid him forever.”

“Bertolt, did something happen?”

“I… I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it.”

“Did he hurt you?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Bertolt said more forcefully.

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

No response. A wall was forming between them, invisible, but tense.

He asked gently, “Do you still want to go?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t have to be alone.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

Bertolt turned, confused, back to face him. “I - I don’t know.” 

Reiner gave his shoulder a squeeze. He could be patient. 

“Well, come on. I’ll stick with you. Or just make sure you’re with the group. There’s plenty of us and only one of him.”

Reiner would simply have to show his support. Words would only go so far, especially with someone who clammed up so easily. He got out of the car and so did Bertolt, who was already hunching. Reiner put a hand on his back for a moment as they walked to the entrance. Bertolt crossed his arms at that, but he also straightened a little. 

Armin waved from their usual table. His face was etched with concern. 

“Willy is here.”

“I know.”

“Are you ok? You don’t have to stay.”

Bertolt took a deep breath. “No, I want to stay.”

They shared a nod. 

Reiner’s curiosity was eating him alive, but he knew he had to shove it down for now. He offered to buy Bertolt a drink.

“Ok. Thanks.”

Alright. Easy. He could do that. He bustled up to the bar top and was about to flag down Annie when he saw a familiar face down at the end of the bar. Marco’s grin was blinding, but that was hardly new. But in the dim lighting he saw Annie smile and glance away. What? His face was still set to stunned when she walked up to where he stood at the bar.

“What?” She demanded.

“Did - Are you going to go out with Marco?”

She answered with a glare. “What do you want to drink?”

“Oh my god. You are.”

Was she blushing now? 

“Jack and coke?” 

Ok, no dice. Maybe she would tell him another day.

“No, just a vodka sprite.”

“Ah, for Bertolt?” She teased. Probably grateful to turn the attention off of herself.

“No, for the other guy you saw in my bed.”

She rolled her eyes and went for the bottles. He glanced back at Bertolt, but he was gone. He tried to calm the growing tightness in his chest. Maybe he had to go to the bathroom or something. Reiner turned back to watch Annie work and distract himself.

A tap at his back. Armin and Eren stood side by side behind him.

“Was Bertolt with you?” Armin sounded just like he did when a book had gone missing at work. Irritated and worried. 

“No, I thought he was with you.”

“He said he was going to join you at the bar.” 

“I haven’t seen him.”

“Is everything ok?” Annie slid Reiner the glass.

He turned back to her. “I don’t know. I’ll be back for that, ok?” He pointed at the drink.

“Ok.” She set it on a clear spot on the back counter and moved on to the next customer.

“They’re not inside.”

“They?” Reiner spun back to Armin. 

Armin only gave him a hard look. Reiner was already on his way to the patio. The memory of Bertolt recoiling flashed in his mind and a bad feeling gripped him. 

It unfolded as if in slow motion. An iron grip clamped on his arm, but he did not try to break it. He felt rooted in place, unable to move or breathe. Willy was tugging Bertolt down. Lips were meeting.

No. Fuck. He pushed back tears, not wanting to look like an idiot. Who did he think he was kidding -

But his train of thought slammed to a halt. Bertolt was yelling and had shoved hard enough to send Willy stumbling a few steps backwards.

“Get off me!” 

Reiner’s pulse jumped. He had never once heard him raise his voice. Bertolt wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before storming towards the door, eyes glued to the deck. He stumbled right into Reiner.

“Reiner?” His voice broke and Reiner could see tears welling up. “It’s n-not-”

He pulled Bertolt into a rough hug, not sure whether to be relieved or furious. Both. He was both.

A sneering voice came across the deck. “Really, Bertolt? This guy? C'mon, let me take you somewhere nice.” 

If time was slow before, it was a flash this time around. Willy reached for Bertolt's hand, but Reiner put himself between them without a second thought. There was a crunch and someone shoved past him, nearly knocking his balance off, but Bertolt steadied him. He raised a hand to the pain blooming across his face. Why was it so wet and warm? 

“What the actual fuck?” Annie was in the doorway.

He straightened slightly in order to see her. She quickly grabbed a towel that had been tucked into her apron and brought it to him. He held it to his nose and groaned, suddenly smelling lime and liquor.

Warm arms were guiding him back through the bar and into the bathroom. 

“You - you idiot.” Bertolt said softly, already wetting a rough paper towel.

Reiner groaned again. “I wasn’t trying to fight, I swear.” He had just wanted to help.

“I’m so sorry. We should’ve just left.”

Bertolt pulled the bloody towel from Reiner’s face and out of his hand. As soon as he dabbed his face with the fresh, wet towel, Reiner reeled back.

“Fuck!” 

“This is my fault,” Bertolt said quietly.

“You’re not the one who punched me.”

“I should’ve known this would happen.”

“What, that he would force himself on you and then start a fight? Look, I may be new to dating, but I don't think that’s normal.”

“Yes,” Bertolt whispered.

“What do you mean, yes?”

“He’s always been like that. Not the fighting part I guess, but the other part.”

Reiner’s eyebrows knit together. He leaned over the sink and grabbed another paper towel.

“Are you telling me he forced himself on you?”

Bertolt crossed his arms. “Not - not quite like that. I was stupid. We had just met and my mom had just kicked me out. I was staying with Armin for a few weeks before I went back to school. I just wanted someone to want me. So I... gave him what he wanted.”

Reiner felt his stomach turn.

“You don’t have to give me anything.”

A faint smile played on Bertolt’s lips. “I know, Reiner. I’m sorry about everything.”

“Don’t be sorry. Ok? Just don’t. It’s not your fault.”

Bertolt nodded and eyed him nervously. “Your nose looks bad. We should go to the hospital.”

“Probably. Bertolt?”

“What?”

“How long did that happen?”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, you don’t have to tell me if it's too much.”

“No, I’m sorry. I should’ve just told you before. It was only a few weeks and he dumped me when I didn't want to sleep with him again. I hadn't even heard from him until he came to the studio a few weeks ago. He suggested picking up where we left off. He’s probably just desperate. I just didn't think he was _that_ desperate. But I can't believe he punched you. I'm so sorry.” His voice got really quiet and he took a deep breath. "If... If you don't want to see me anymore, I would understand."

Reiner’s fist clenched. “What are you talking about? Of course I still want to see you.”

“You don’t think less of me?”

“Of course not. You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

“You’re not mad he kissed me?”

“Yeah, I’m pissed. But not at you. You didn’t even want it. Right?”

Bertolt shook his head. “No. No, I don’t want to kiss anyone else. Just you.”

He smiled at that. “Too bad my nose is fucked up. I would kiss you right now.”

“Really?” he murmured. Reiner nodded, still grinning. 

Bertolt gave him a shy smile and leaned in to steal the softest of kisses from his lips, carefully avoiding his nose. 

“Jesus, you got punched and you’re in here making out?” Eren stepped into the bathroom, Armin in tow. This was not a big enough bathroom for four people.

“So, I talked to my dad. He said he would look at it for you so you probably won’t have to go to the hospital.”

“That’s really nice. Thank you.” 

“It probably won’t take long. It does hurt like hell if they have to correct it, though.”

“How would you know?” Reiner asked.

“Jean broke mine in junior high.”

Armin rolled his eyes at that and shooed them all out of the bathroom. Reiner got stares from across the bar as they made their way to the exit. He waved goodbye to Annie and she waved back with one brow raised in question. Bertolt held his hand the whole car ride there, only letting go when they walked through the Yeager’s front door. They all sat at the dining table until Grisha made his way into the room in pajamas and slippers.

“Got in a fight, did we, Reiner?” Dr. Yeager inspected his face tenderly. 

“I'm not sure it counts if all I did was get punched.”

Grisha chuckled lightly. “I can’t quite imagine you in a fight, anyway. Your sister, on the other hand.”

Reiner snorted a little through his nose but it burned and he shut up quickly. Dr. Yeager had been seeing him and Gabi since they were kids. Reiner saw someone else these days, but of course Eren had swung this very free midnight appointment.

“Alright, well everything looks good and nothing seems out of place. It should heal fine, it just looks bad right now. You'll probably get some bruising around the area. You can take ibuprofen for the swelling and put ice on it if that doesn’t hurt too much. Some people like frozen peas." He stood and smiled kindly, "And now I think I’ll be going to bed. Tell your parents I said hello.”

“Ok, I will. Thank you, sir.”

Grisha strolled out of the living room. Armin was already falling asleep in Eren’s arms.

“Ok, let’s go.” Eren gently shook him awake.

“I’m up!” He declared sleepily. 

It was not long before Reiner was the one falling asleep. His head lolled back in Eren’s backseat, although it was too bouncy to actually pass out. He stirred reluctantly when they pulled up to the bar, which looked as if they had never left. And his face ached now. It was a strange feeling. Amazingly, he had never broken anything before. Despite his better senses, he gingerly prodded his nose. It hurt just as he expected, making him frown.

“Let’s get you home.” Bertolt led him to his car and he slid into the passenger seat before laying it back. 

He glanced over as Bertolt lowered himself behind the wheel. “You know, this isn’t exactly what I thought dating was going to be like.” 

Bertolt closed his eyes and frowned at his sub-par joke.

“You really still want to date me? This has to be the worst first time out together ever.”

“Yeah. I do.”

Bertolt looked nervous, but his lips twitched up a bit. Reiner smiled to himself and closed his eyes as the car shifted into reverse. After what had been an unexpectedly eventful day, he felt all shaken up and, honestly, just really looked forward to seeing his family the next day. Gabi was going to give him so much shit for his nose, though.


	12. Thanksgiving, Pt. 1

The moment was both serene and surreal. Reiner was still trying to wrap his brain around all the facts. He was out of the closet, not disowned, and here in his arms was Bertolt Hoover.

He adjusted his arm, snuggling closer, completely ignoring the movie on the screen. Bertolt seemed to be watching it, but Reiner could only watch him. How could something feel so right and so impossible at the same time? He buried his face into his hair and wondered for the millionth time if it were real. 

Bertolt began wiggling, slowly rolling over to face him. Unlike Reiner’s couch, his sofa was just big enough for them to squeeze together if they laid on their sides. It was borderline uncomfortable, but Reiner felt breathless to be so close to him. It was nothing like he had imagined it would be. And he had certainly imagined it.

“Are you even watching?” Bertolt said quietly to him.

“No,” he breathed. His arm was wrapped around Bertolt, whose hands were squished cutely against between their chests. 

“What are you thinking about?”

“This.”

Soft eyes were searching his own. An even softer question followed. 

“Do you like this?”

“Of course I do.”

Bertolt smiled and closed his eyes. Reiner brushed his thumb on his back, curious about something.

“How did you feel? The first time you were with another guy?” 

Bertolt’s eyes fluttered open.

“Excited, I guess. Nervous. It was kind of awkward. And it’s not like I’ve ever been with a girl, so I wouldn’t know the difference.”

That wasn’t quite what Reiner had meant, but good to know. Would their first time be awkward? Well, his first time.

“What about like this? Just cuddling?” Not that he wanted to discuss in detail Bertolt’s other romances, necessarily, but he was so curious about his past. What had it been like for him? Reiner had never talked to anyone about this stuff.

Bertolt glanced down, averting his gaze. 

“This, uh, would be my first time, too, then. So you tell me, what does it feel like for you?”

“Like I’m on a cloud. But, wait, are you saying you never cuddled or anything?”

“No,” he whispered. 

That seemed so strange. Maybe it wasn’t Reiner’s place to judge. But, how could anyone have access to Bertolt’s body and not want to hold him? He had been dreaming about it for weeks. And had Bertolt never held anyone? Was it only sex?

Reiner had so many questions, and none of them seemed right to ask. Instead, he started kneading Bertolt’s back. He may not have much experience with boys, but he knew how good a simple back rub could be.

“Then, do you like this?”

“Very much.” Bertolt’s eyes slid closed and he sighed. “That feels so nice.”

Reiner paused and slipped his hand underneath his shirt, working his way across the shoulders. Bertolt was melting with little sighs. But sideways was a bit difficult.

“Here, lay on top of me.” 

They shifted, movie absolutely abandoned by them both, and Reiner now had both hands at his disposal. Bertolt’s skin was so warm and soft to the touch. And his reactions made Reiner feel light. A string of gasps and tiny moans at his right ear had him smiling. It seemed criminal that he should be the first to experience him like this. He tried to remind himself again not to judge; he wasn’t there, after all. It was just so upsetting to picture Bertolt alone at the end of the night.

And picturing Willy still filled him with anger. His hands tensed reflexively and he vowed once again to take things slow. Not that he was trying to move too fast himself, but he felt suddenly nervous about initiating sexual activity between them. He never wanted Bertolt to think that he wanted anything less than a real relationship. 

“You ok?” Bertolt mumbled in his ear.

“Oh, yeah. Just got distracted. How is this?” His fingers resumed their journey over a tense spot in his neck.

“Amazing,” he groaned, head nuzzling against Reiner’s. 

“You’re so tense,” he commented, “I thought yoga teachers were supposed to be relaxed.” 

Bertolt hummed before replying, voice thick with relaxation.

“Guess I’m a bad teacher.”

“I think you’re an excellent teacher.”

“You’re biased.” 

“Maybe. But you got me to come back every week.”

“You had ulterior motives.”

His hands stilled again. “I still go, don’t I? I like your classes, believe it or not. And besides, Levi would never hire anyone who wasn’t really good.”

“You really like them?” Was Bertolt smiling when he said that?

“Yes.”

There was a moment of silence before Bertolt asked shyly, “Could you keep going?”

“Course.” 

He worked over his back until Bertolt was practically unconscious. Actually, it was likely he was asleep. Reiner smiled and wrapped his arms around him. He liked his weight on top of him. Maybe a little too much because touching him, hearing him, and feeling him had gotten Reiner excited. 

He gently nudged Bertolt awake. “I think I should go to bed now. I’ll see you tomorrow after work, ok?”

“Mmmkay.” 

But before getting off Reiner, he wound his fingers into his hair and gave him a long kiss. The kind of kiss that left Reiner reeling. The kind of kiss that stuck in his brain as he tried desperately to fall asleep that night.

-

Bertolt fiddled with his straw. His leg rested against Reiner’s beneath the table and he looked peacefully out the window. Reiner could not shake the image of Bertolt sliding down his chest. He squeezed his eyes closed.

 _Snap out of it, Reiner._

He had finally fallen asleep the night before only to wake abruptly as Bertolt’s wet mouth encircled him. But he was by himself, in his own bed, and now he needed to do laundry two days early. How long had it been since he had a dream like that? 

He tentatively pushed his fingers against his nose, and tried to think about that instead. It was almost completely healed and the visible bruising was gone. The old women had fawned over his injury when they came to the library. Mrs. Finger had told him at least three times to go get himself a good steak for his subsequent black eye. 

But still, his thoughts strayed right back. Except now he was considering what it would be like to give head to Bertolt. Would he make more of those noises like before? 

The front door chimed and yanked his horny brain back into the dining room of Maria’s. He and Bertolt turned instinctively to look because what else would you do?

“Shit,” Reiner whispered, his head whipping back to meet Bertolt’s gaze.

“What?”

“My parents.”

“Reiner!” Gabi was at their table in no time. “Hi, Bertolt.”

“Hi, Gabi.” Bertolt smiled warmly at her.

Reiner poked her arm. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

“Mom dropped a casserole on the floor. She even swore!”

Reiner and Gabi shared a mischievous smirk at that. 

“So, toughing it out at the diner tonight?” He would not show Gabi or Bertolt how scared he was.

“Yep! Ready for tomorrow?”

“Gabi, I am always ready for Thanksgiving.” He put on a serious face that made her laugh.

His parents were making their way over and his stomach churned. What were they going to think? Yes, they had been getting along, but also they had been avoiding the topic of his sexuality as a habit. Including all questions of significant others. Would they freak out to see him out with a date?

Not just a date.

He stood politely to hug his mom and shake his dad’s hand. This was not how he had expected them to meet. It was true, he could introduce Bertolt as his friend, but that seemed like a slap in the face. Even if Bertolt would understand, he didn’t deserve to need to. Besides, it was bound to happen eventually; he couldn’t exactly live his whole life pretending to be a celibate gay.

“Reiner, it’s so good to see you. We were just talking about tomorrow.”

“Hi, Mom. I heard you dropped a casserole?”

“Well, luckily, it was in foil and I didn’t lose any good ceramic. Unluckily, the casserole did not make it. And with Thanksgiving being tomorrow we thought maybe a good burger would do for the evening.”

Reiner grinned and silently imagined which swear word she had used.

His father cleared his throat. “Are you going to introduce us to your friend?” 

He swallowed. “This is Bertolt.” Bertolt stood to shake their hands, polite as ever. “My boyfriend,” Reiner finished quietly.

There was an awkward pause as his dad let go of Bertolt’s hand.

“Oh,” His dad said after another moment, “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Jack and this is my wife, Karina.”

Reiner let a nervous smile come to his lips. The hostess came to their huddle.

“Would you like to sit together? A bigger table just opened up.”

His parents both looked between him and Bertolt, but his mom offered a treaty.

“That would be nice. If we’re not interrupting, that is?” She glanced at between them again. 

Bertolt gave him a small smile.

“Ok,” Reiner said, nodding slightly.

They carted their jackets, menus, and water to a table further into the middle of the diner.

“So, Bertolt, is it?” His dad took a seat. 

“Yes, sir.”

Reiner and Gabi shared another look. If nothing else, they would not dislike him for his manners. Reiner looked back at his father. He seemed anxious, but not upset.

“What are your plans for the holiday? Going anywhere?”

After all, his dad _was_ nice. He had always been kind and polite. Reiner began to wonder why he had thought that would change. Comments from the past about men living in sin nagged the back of his mind from years past. Was he another sinner that his father would be perfectly decent towards? If his dad thought that about them, did it matter as long as his parents were in his life and being supportive? And how long had it been since he had heard his dad say something like that?

Bertolt fidgeted. “No, sir. I don’t have any plans.”

Reiner had known for weeks that Bertolt’s Thanksgiving plans were to stay home. He had already promised him a private dinner whenever he got back from his parents, to which Bertolt kept asking if he was sure. As if he would mind spending an evening with Bertolt.

“Your parents aren’t doing anything?” His mom leaned into the table.

“No, ma’am.”

“Really?” Reiner’s mom was narrowing her eyes. He wondered if this was going where he thought it might. If it was any other friend of his, he knew exactly what would happen next. But Bertolt was not just any other friend.

“Well, Bertolt, you would be welcome to join us!”

Reiner thought his mouth might be hanging open. Bertolt dropped his formalities, growing visibly nervous.

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“No, it would be no trouble at all. Right, dear?” She turned expectantly to his father. It was not quite a question.

But his dad’s smile seemed real as he said, “Of course, we would be happy to have you with us.”

His mom touched Bertolt’s shoulder from the chair beside him. “Please say you’ll consider it?” 

“I - Ok. Thank you. M-ma’am.”

“Oh, please, you don’t have to call me ma’am. You can call me Karina.” 

Bertolt gave a sweet smile to her. She beamed briefly, but then turned sharply towards Reiner. 

_Shit._

“Reiner, I can’t believe you were going to let your _boyfriend_ be alone for Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah, Reiner,” Gabi chimed at his side. He kicked her leg under the table.

“Sorry,” he said, a little dazed at what had just happened. 

His mom turned a kinder gaze back to said boyfriend. “Bertolt, do you like homemade pecan pie?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve only had it from the store.”

Pure motherly concern radiated from her. “The store?!”

She spared a daggery look at Reiner once more. Hey, how was this his fault? His mother began assaulting Bertolt with questions about various traditional Thanksgiving dishes and the quality to which he was acquainted with them. 

“You better watch out, I think mom might steal him,” Gabi muttered to him.

“This isn’t what I expected.”

“You know how they get.”

“Yeah.” He smiled.

His dad was a lot quieter, but seemed happy enough. Or, not unhappy, anyway. He offered to pay for everyone, to which Bertolt looked nervous but did not object when Reiner accepted.

“They’re nice,” Bertolt commented on the ride home.

“Yeah. They are.”

“I know you were just at my place yesterday, but do you want to come over again?”

Reiner grinned. “You say that like I mind spending time with you. Of course I want to come over.”

“Oh.” Bertolt was blushing. Neither of them said anything else until the truck wheels bumped the curb stop. 

“Alright, so do you want to come to my parent's house for Thanksgiving? My mom was serious.”

Bertolt fidgeted. “You really don’t mind?”

“I would have invited you myself if I had known they would react like that. Besides, now my mom might get mad if I _don’t_ bring you.”

“I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble.”

“Good.” Reiner leaned over and kissed his cheek, still feeling tingly that he could do that kind of thing now.

They did very much the same thing as the night before, except this time Bertolt was the one not paying attention to the TV screen. Rolled over, once again, he was staring into Reiner’s eyes.

“Did I keep you up last night?

 _Only if you count dirty dreams,_ Reiner thought.

“No, I slept fine.”

“That’s good.”

They stared at each other a while before Reiner caught Bertolt’s soft lips with his own, hands pressed lightly into his back. Bertolt seemed happy to go this route, tugging at Reiner to roll on top of him.

He hovered over him, careful not to get too close. All it took was a few kisses and he was already getting hard. He mentally cursed his willing body and focused on delivering gentle kisses to Bertolt’s mouth.

His dream crept into his mind once again against his will. When Bertolt slid his tongue into his mouth, it was all he could think about. Reiner pulled back and switched to giving him a few innocent kisses on the cheek. What if he got carried away? Would Bertolt keep going just to please him? 

“Do you… think about me?” Bertolt asked softly.

Answering too honestly, he muttered, “Too much.”

“Really?” 

Reiner pulled back when he heard the surprise in Bertolt’s voice.

“Oh. Uh. No, forget I said that.” 

Bertolt did not oblige. “What do you think about?”

“N-nothing.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing.”

_Fuck._

“I- Yes, I think about you.”

“What about?” Bertolt moved a hand lower down his back.

_Fuck!_

Reiner turned his head and shut his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, is something wrong?” The apologetic tone in his voice made Reiner’s stomach sink.

“No, I’m sorry. Nothing’s wrong. Bertolt, you just…” He took a deep breath, but was still hesitant to tell him.

“I what?”

“You - I mean, I. I had a dream. About you. Ok?” God, he was so flustered.

“A dream about me? Like what?”

“A _dream_ , ok?”

When Bertolt said nothing, Reiner opened his eyes. The smirk on Bertolt’s lips looked like trouble.

“Oh,” he finally said, nipping his neck, “I hope it was a good dream.”

“Damnit, it was a very good dream, that’s the problem.”

“How is that a problem?” Bertolt placed a hand on Reiner’s chest, still hovering inches above him. He was blushing, but somehow remaining composed. Reiner, on the other hand, had turned into some kind of melty mess. Bertolt raised an eyebrow. His face grew redder, but he slid his hand even further down his back.

“What did I do? In the dream?”

Now Reiner groaned. This was bad. Really bad. Was this another dream? 

“Mouth. Used your mouth,” he rasped. 

Bertolt was lightly touching his waist with his other hand. He flashed a stunning smile before pulling Reiner into a hot kiss. One hand was sliding under his shirt and the other was inches from his ass. But, what if it was just some sort of fantasy fulfillment? Both stuck in his head and completely lost, Reiner pulled away..

“Sorry,” he said, panting. 

Bertolt let out a little laugh. “Sorry for what?”

His words came slowly, less sure now, “I... don’t want to pressure you.”

Half a frown settled on Bertolt’s lips. “Do you want to stop?”

“I - No, I don’t want to stop. You really want to?”

“Yes. I’ll tell you if I don’t.”

“Will you?” Shit, that slipped out. 

Bertolt sighed. “That’s… it’s not like that.”

They shared a long look before he replied.

“I’m really sorry. I just didn’t want you to ever feel like that’s all I want from you. I care about you.”

“I care about you, too. Reiner, I promise I’ll tell you if I want to stop, ok? You just have to promise the same thing.”

“I promise. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok.” A warm hand slid up his shirt and Bertolt’s voice warmed. “So, about this dream.”

He shuddered, heating right back up. Fingers were climbing up to his chest and Bertolt’s other hand was nearly on his ass. It was so intoxicating.

“I haven’t totally offended you?” Worry still prickled him. 

Bertolt tugged on him, trying to get him closer. “No. But I might get offended if you keep holding back. You can lay down. I’m not some delicate flower or whatever.”

Well, it was hard to argue with that. And he certainly did want to. He let himself sink against Bertolt slowly, still concerned about his weight. There was also the issue downstairs, still half awake, but he was supposed to be not holding back, right? Both of Bertolt’s hands slid just above his ass now and he groaned. He wasn’t the only one of them who was excited.

“If you wanted a blow job so bad, you should’ve just asked.” Bertolt’s voice was low and velvety and Reiner felt a tingle run through him. He had _not_ expected that. 

“What would I even say?” He sat up, straddling him and looking down with a brow raised. “Please blow me?”

To which Bertolt gave a smirk and a simple, “Ok,” before sliding from beneath him and pushing him towards the couch. 

Was he - When had his jeans been undone? Fuck.

“Oh, but maybe I should stop. Wouldn’t want to pressure you.” Bertolt squeezed him through his boxers. 

Through gritted teeth he managed to respond, “Ok, I’m sorry. I get it.”

“Do you?” Bertolt grabbed his hand and planted it straight onto his jeans, giving him an idea of just how mutual their feelings were.

Reiner groaned and let his head fall back. Bertolt was climbing onto his lap and cupped his jaw gently, his usual soft voice returning.

“I’m just teasing. Tell me if you want to stop.”

His shirt was being slid up, so he took over and tossed it off. Bertolt dragged his hands down his chest, eyes wandering. That hardly seemed fair. He tugged at his shirt until they were both half nude and he was staring.

“You make it seem like you haven’t already seen me naked.” Bertolt’s lopsided smile made him blush.

“Well, you look very, very good.”

“Shut up,” he muttered back, coming in to kiss Reiner’s face off. 

Reiner had no experience to prove it, but he would guess that Bertolt was an incredible kisser by anyone’s standards. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing to him. And even though you could bring him to a stutter just by inviting him to dinner, the way he was palming Reiner was anything but nervous. 

Oh fuck, where was he going now? 

Hot breath was at his stomach for just a moment before he was being kissed there. And then down; down all the way to the band of his underwear before he felt a tongue there and gasped. He didn’t dare look when his tongue left and the elastic band was inching down. But a sudden shock ran through him.

“Ah!” He pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” Bertolt peered at him from his thighs. A dizzying sight. 

“Nothing. Sorry. It just kind of tickled, that’s all.” 

Bertolt had kissed his inner thigh, unaware of this fact. Not that Reiner had known he was ticklish there, either, before now. Bertolt grinned up at him.

“I didn’t know you were ticklish.”

But he wasn’t given any time to respond to that. Bertolt’s hand wrapped around him and his mouth was - 

He moaned and let his head fall back again. It was _way_ past the feeling that his dream brain had conjured up. Of course, his dream brain had not known then exactly how incredible this could be. Or what exactly a tongue was capable of. His body was helpless and he was already seeing white behind his eyelids. 

He tried to push Bertolt’s head away at the building sensation, but his hand got captured and held down. The sound of his own strangled cries were foreign on his ears, his brain unable to process it. Bertolt’s tongue eased him through it in a way that was almost as good as good as the climax itself. He had never finished that fast. 

And then there were soft kisses trailing up his body. Warm hands. A warm body. He wrapped his arms around Bertolt and pulled him close, squinting just enough to divine the location of his mouth before he met it with his own. There was a funny taste, but that didn’t matter. He almost frowned when he was met with air.

“You don’t mind kissing me right now?” 

Bertolt sounded shy again. Which seemed ridiculous, all things considered. Reiner just kissed him some more in response and began to flip their positions. He highly doubted he could do quite what had just been done to him, but there was only one way to learn. After easing Bertolt down, he leaned back and slid his own underwear back up over his hips.

Bertolt watched curiously as Reiner began undoing his jeans, finally stopping him when the zipper was fully down.

“You don’t have to do it just because I did.”

Reiner wished he had some smooth or sexy pillow talk to reply with, but Bertolt seemed to be the one with any skill in that department. Again, surprisingly. Either way, he tried to muster up something decent and put on a genuine smile.

“Did you consider that I want to suck your dick?” He almost grimaced. That was not great. He was going to have to practice that, too. But Bertolt’s eyes widened in surprise and he blushed brightly, so Reiner filed it away as not too shabby.

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t sort of nervous. Not about having a dick in his mouth so much as whether or not it was going to be decent for Bertolt. He had tried to do some internet homework on the subject, but considering five minutes ago, he was pretty sure Bertolt must have also been on the receiving end of stuff Reiner could not compete with. 

“Are you nervous?” Bertolt traced a finger down his arm, seeing his hesitation. 

“I just don’t think I’ll be very good. And you were really, really good.”

Bertolt played with some hair that was falling onto his forehead. He needed a haircut. 

“Don’t worry about that.”

“How can I not?” He was being pulled closer. 

“Anything with you will be good.”

Reiner swallowed and nodded. It was tempting to argue his point, because surely there was such a thing as a bad blow job, but instead he began making his way down Bertolt’s chest, feeling his way with his fingertips. A sigh from above made him relax a tiny bit. But he paused at Bertolt’s waistband. 

Bertolt ran his fingers through his hair and offered a new piece of advice.

“Just, um, try stuff out, you know? If I don’t like something, I’ll tell you, ok?”

“Ok,” he said quietly, “and what if you like it?”

There was a soft snort followed by, “You’ll know.”

He nodded again and asked himself where he wanted to start, feeling encouraged. There was one spot he knew they both liked. He gently kissed one of Bertolt’s hips, rewarded by a breathy groan that gave him a new spark of confidence. Slowly, he pulled Bertolt’s jeans down and all the way off, leaving his underwear for the time being.

At the light touch of Reiner’s fingers, Bertolt let his legs fall slightly apart and sighed again. Reiner felt something stir in himself again. That was so fucking hot. He kissed the inside of his thigh and Bertolt tensed. So he dragged his tongue a few inches upwards. Bertolt was right. He _did_ know when he liked something. Reiner spent some more time there before switching to the other side and creeping slowly upwards. Bertolt was making breathy little noises that boosted his confidence further.

He leaned back and ran his finger along the hard length beneath the dotted print cloth, noting in the back of his mind that Bertolt seemed to only wear briefs. In the forefront of his mind was a concern about the size of the package beneath the cloth and how this next part was going to play out. 

On the bright side, Reiner was discovering, to his pleasure, that Bertolt was a very noisy recipient. And as he slid his last layer off and away, Bertolt groaned in a way that made Reiner look up for the first time. He was surprised to find Bertolt looking down. But when their eyes met, Bertolt sucked in his breath and let his head fall back to the arm of the sofa. 

The anxiety that threatened to grip him once again was suddenly dissolved the moment his tongue brushed the tip and Bertolt let out a whine. His response was not solely aural, and he twitched beneath Reiner’s lightly curled fingers. There was a bitter taste and it took a moment for him to realize why.

“You’re a tease,” Bertolt muttered shakily, making Reiner grin. 

As usual, it seemed he had been worrying over nothing. Not that he expected this to be a mind-blowing experience for Bertolt, but maybe he was understanding his earlier point. Bertolt liked when he touched him. He definitely seemed to like this. Reiner liked doing it, too. And when he lowered his lips and drew him in slowly, a knot of heat balled in his own stomach. Fuck, this was turning him on. 

Bertolt’s fingers slid into his hair and he liked that, too. He wouldn’t mind if he had pulled, honestly, but it felt weird to interrupt to say so. Maybe another time. Pushing that idea aside, he bobbed his head and wondered if it would be deep enough to get him off. The growing-in-volume sounds made him think so.

He added his hand and felt Bertolt’s thighs tense. His jaw was feeling it, but he thought he might be close, so he picked up the pace and tried taking him a little deeper. Which did the trick too well, perhaps, because Bertolt’s hips jerked up in response and he thought for one second that it was about to be a ‘you’ll laugh at it later’ story about him throwing up on his first blow job. 

In the next second, he realized the hot prickling at his throat was the opposite of something coming up. He felt a swell of accomplishment in his chest. Followed shortly by a horrible thirst. The taste he had been expecting, but the sudden dryness in his throat caught him by surprise. He wiped his mouth off and sat up to find Bertolt panting, eyes squeezed shut. 

“That was ok?” He asked sheepishly, despite the evidence in front of him of his success. Bertolt seemed unphased by his insecurity, replying between breaths.

“If I didn’t know any better - I would say - that you had done this before.”

Reiner felt skeptical of such a review. “You’re just saying that.”

Bertolt shook his head. “M’not. It felt really good.” 

He lowered himself and they shimmied into their spoon positions. One arm wrapped around Bertolt. 

“That doesn’t make sense. I don’t even know what I’m doing.”

“Mmm,” Bertolt wound their fingers together against his chest, “But you already know the most important part.”

“What’s that?”

“Paying attention.” Bertolt kissed his fingers and sat up, eyes sweeping the floor. “Now I’m cold. Where did you put my underwear?”


	13. Thanksgiving, Pt. 2

“What do I wear?”

“Everything looks good.”

“Not helpful. Do you think they liked me?”

“Unbelievably, it seems they liked you a lot.”

Bertolt’s face fell. “Unbelievably?”

No, that wasn’t what he meant.

“Sorry. I just didn’t expect them to be so open about meeting you.”

Bertolt slid on a different sweater before obsessively smoothing his pants legs once again and giving a reply.

“It’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. No, it is. I’m sorry, I’m nervous.”

“You’re nervous? At least they want you home.”

Guilt hit him and he remembered what Bertolt didn’t have. 

Bertolt touched his arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” 

But Reiner shook his head.

“No, you’re right. I spent so long expecting them to be mad, I wasn’t ready for them to be supportive. But, I’m really happy. And I’m glad you’re coming with me. They definitely like you. They’re about to feed you a lifetime’s worth of Thanksgivings.”

Bertolt warmed a bit at that. “Sounds delicious.”

“You do look really nice.” Reiner kissed his cheek, getting a small smile from him. “Let’s go.”

The drive was spent with Bertolt nervously picking at various pieces of his clothing. Reiner grabbed his hand halfway through in hopes of calming him. It seemed to work at least partially. They pulled into the gravel drive and Bertolt looked around.

“It’s really nice.”

“It’s home.”

As soon as they entered the house, the smells from the kitchen made his stomach growl. Reiner’s mom descended right away.

“Oh, good, you’re here! Bertolt, could I please ask for a hand with reaching something?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Bertolt followed her to the kitchen as she reminded him to call her Karina. Reiner made to follow, but his dad stopped him. 

“I think we need to talk.” His father led them to the living room. “Reiner, sit down.”

His heart raced. Ok, so maybe seeing him with a boy was too much? Or, or - or anything. He hated that stupid phrase and he cringed as the old rocking armchair rolled unceremoniously forward and made him jump. That stupid chair.

His dad looked at him, letting out a long breath. They searched each other’s faces, but his dad finally spoke.

“We’ve known for a long time.”

What? Known what? 

“What do you mean?” Reiner’s mouth felt dry.

“That you might not be interested in women.” His dad took a long pause and they did their best not to make eye contact with each other until he continued. “I guess I was just hoping that one day you would meet a special girl and maybe change your mind.”

His muscles froze. What did he even say to that? ‘Sorry, I never did meet the right girl.’ Or what about, ‘yeah, I’ll just change my mind.’ He glared at the floor. A tear escaped. How ungrateful. Bertolt was right. At least his parents were talking to him. 

“I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted,” he said, voice coarse.

He didn’t notice his dad get up, but he felt it when heavy hands fell onto his shoulders. He looked up to see his father’s worried face. 

“If you’re happy and healthy, that’s all I want from you.”

Reiner wanted to be grateful for everything good his dad was saying, he really did. But, bitterness still sat in his gut. 

“And for me to not go to hell?” 

There was another long silence before his dad squeezed his shoulders.

“I don’t think you’re going to hell, Reiner,” he said softly.

“You don’t?” Reiner snuffled messily, wiping away unwanted tears.

“No, I'm… sorry. For things I've said.”

Reiner stood to meet him and let his dad’s arms pull him in tight like when he was a kid. 

“I thought you were going to hate me,” he mumbled shakily into his shoulder.

“I could never hate you. Never.” Reiner heard his voice crack slightly. "And I know it’s hardly right for me to ask this, but please be patient. Your mother and I have a lot to learn. Well, I have a lot to learn. But we want to be here for you and be a part of your life. Your whole life.”

The hug lasted until his dad cleared his throat and kept going because if he didn’t, they were both going to start crying. “Sit back down with me, I have some questions.”

This time, Reiner sat on the couch beside him. He dried his eyes, but felt a lingering anxiousness. What kind of questions?

“How long have you been seeing Bertolt?”

_Oh._

“Nearly a month.”

His dad frowned and twiddled his thumbs in his lap. “You’ve never brought someone home before.”

“Technically, Mom invited him.”

“Would you have brought him home even if she hadn’t?”

“I - yeah,” he admitted softly.

“He seems like a nice young man,” his father continued.

“He is.”

“You’re happy.”

Reiner gave a small nod and his lips gave a reluctant smile, shy to say it out loud. His father's eyes looked wet. 

“Since you told us... I feel like I haven't seen you smile this much in years. And if... If someone makes you this happy, then I want to know them. So you just bring him over any time, ok?” His dad gave him a tight smile. Reiner nodded again, slow, and processing.

He stood when his dad did, receiving a pat on the back that signified the close of this conversation. 

“Your mother has outdone herself this year.”

Reiner followed to the kitchen, feeling cautiously content. He hadn’t lost them. He wouldn’t lose them. They walked in to find Bertolt pulling down the good dishes from the upper cabinets and his mother's exclamations.

“Oh, look, you don’t even need a chair! How tall are you?” 

Reiner wathced his cheeks start to color when he answered shyly, “Six four.”

“Good gracious, you’ve got four inches on our Reiner. And so handsome, too.”

Bertolt’s blush made it all the way to his ears.

“Mom, c’mon,” Reiner interrupted.

“What?” She pinned him with a look. “Don’t you think so?”

She was enjoying this too much. But, he loved it and loved her for it. Maybe things would go back to normal. Or, a new normal, he supposed. And he hoped, even though it was new and unknown, that Bertolt would be with them next year to get teased by her all over again.

“Yes,” he agreed quietly. 

Gabi's laugh echoed from the dining table where she was sorting silverware. 

“Oh, we can finish that.” Mrs. Braun took the dishes from Bertolt’s hands. “Thank you for your help. Reiner, why don’t you give him a tour before dinner?”

“Alright. Well, as you can see, this is the kitchen.”

His mom rolled her eyes. Reiner led him out of the kitchen and around the first floor, coming to the foot of the stairs.

“You’ve got the living room. Over there is my dad’s study. We’ve got a bathroom through that door and the other one is my parent’s room. And upstairs is my old room and Gabi’s room.”

“Can I see?”

“Sure.”

The stairs creaked as they made their way up. A wave of nostalgia filled him as he eased his bedroom door open.

“So, this was my room. It’s probably a matter of time before it becomes a home office or a gym or something.”

The room looked bare. Reiner had taken his bed and most of the decorations with him. Bertolt circled the empty room and paused to look out the window. He seemed to be thinking about something.

“What did you and your dad talk about?” Bertolt still looked out across the oversized yard.

“Um. He said you were nice. And that he didn’t think I’m going to hell. So, pretty good.”

“Well, that’s good.” Bertolt smiled and Reiner grinned back. 

The door creaked open and Gabi stumbled in theatrically with a hand over her eyes and the other waving in front of her.

“Please don’t be making out!”

“Too late. We’re making out as you speak.” Reiner bumped her shoe and she huffed, eyes wide open.

“Dinner’s ready.”


	14. Born Naked

Armin stood in his doorway, arms crossed, shaking his head, eyebrows raised.

“What?” Reiner asked, confused.

“Are you _sure_ you want to go like that?” Armin fidgeted and looked over Reiner’s ensemble. If you could call it that.

“Here, I’ll help.” Eren pushed into the apartment and Armin let out half a squeak.

 _“You’re_ going to help with this?”

“Hey, I’m not a total idiot! And you’re going to be too polite. Go stall Bertolt.”

Reiner looked between them. “Stall Bertolt? What for?”

“No, dude, Armin’s right. Even I can see that. You look like a dad or something.”

Armin nodded, adding, “Unless Bertolt has some kind of dad kink,” before walking off towards Bertolt’s place.

Reiner could hardly contain the shock on his face. Eren was smirking at Armin’s comment and already pushing his way into Reiner’s bedroom. He trailed after him, anxious. 

“But you guys said to get dressed up!”

“We didn’t mean like that.”

Eren dumped a pile of clothes from the closet onto the bed. On top of Reiner’s previous pile of clothes that he had been deciding between earlier. 

“Look, it’s New Years, it’s going to be absolutely packed, and Bertolt likes this kind of stuff. Here.”

Reiner surveyed the selection that had been shoved into his arms. 

“Um, actually, this shirt is sort of tight.”

“Even better. Put it on.” Eren didn’t even look at him, instead holding up two jackets and glancing between the two. 

Reiner bit his lip. Both jackets in question were last minute purchases he had always felt were too flashy to actually wear out of the house. He was horrified to see Eren put down the more conservative of the two, holding aloft the never worn bomber jacket.

“C’mon, get dressed, they’ll be back soon. Armin’ll kill me if I let you leave this room like that.”

With that, Eren left to give him some privacy, adding the jacket to his stack on the way out. Reiner stripped off his button up and slacks. In hindsight, it did seem like a dumb choice for a bar. But he was nervous and they had said people go all out. The dark jeans were still pretty crisp since he had hardly ever worn them. The shirt was stupidly tight on his arms and he was considering arguing, but then he heard Armin and Bertolt coming into the apartment. 

Oh well, he was going to have to trust him. Reiner paused, shaking his head. He had never thought he would be taking fashion advice from Eren. It wasn’t that he was bad at dressing himself. He just shied away from anything too bold. Eren clearly did not share the same reservations. The jacket was definitely still up for debate in his mind, though.

He exited, already defensive. “Look, do I really have to wear this jacket?”

When there was no response, he looked up from the leather in his hands. Eren looked way too smug. Punchably smug. Bertolt said nothing, only stared. Fuck, he probably looked like a total idiot. 

“Wow, Eren, where’d you find that?” Armin sounded pleasantly surprised.

“In his closet. I told you I’m not an idiot, babe.”

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“Yes,” Bertolt said quietly.

“Huh?” Eren and Armin both turned to face him.

“The jacket.” Bertolt was still looking straight at Reiner. 

He glanced around the room self-consciously before sliding it on. Thank god it fit. He had bought it years ago, but it had been looser. Levi’s hard ass routines had paid off since then. He still felt silly, but Bertolt was giving him a very curious look.

“C’mon, we’ve gotta go. Stop checking him out.” Eren opened the door and waved them through it before Reiner could even process that. 

He not so slyly tried to sneak sideways looks at Bertolt as they wandered out to Armin’s car. The only thing he could tell past his winter coat was a pair of dark, ripped jeans that did not leave much to the imagination. And he could only see to his thighs for now.

“You sure you don’t mind driving, Armin?”

“I’m sure. I still remember last year and I refuse to repeat it.” He made a funny face and Eren and Bertolt both chuckled. Apparently a _very_ inebriated Armin was practically carried home, and got quite vocal about wanting to take Eren to bed. Bertolt said they spent more time in the bathroom in the end, and that he had been grateful to be asleep by then.

Getting out there was spent mostly listening to Eren and Armin debate what color to paint the kitchen next. Bertolt’s warm hand held his, warming it after the short but cold walk. Well, it was plenty warm now, but Reiner was not letting go any time soon. He watched the dark shapes of trees and fields roll by and wondered if they would see much snow that year. Maybe in January they would get an inch or two. 

As soon as Armin engaged the parking brake, everyone but Reiner began peeling off their jackets.

“What the hell are you doing? It’s freezing outside.”

“Not inside. And there will be nowhere to put them,” Armin commented, shucking his sweater over his head. 

Reiner slid his off, only to have Bertolt mutter softly just for him, “Too bad. I like that jacket.” But he was hardly listening. Bertolt looked so fucking hot in that loose, low cut v-neck. As he climbed out of the car, Reiner saw just how sinfully tight his pants were. This was definitely a different side of him.

The walk to the front door was chilling, but he understood immediately why they had suffered through it. Riders was packed with an incredible assortment of people. Most of them were men, sure, but it was still the most diverse crowd he had seen in his life. Getting to the bar itself was its own battle.

Bertolt tugged his arm, reminding him to keep moving through the hot bodies, pulling him along. He was pretty sure he also felt him squeezing his biceps, but he had no objection to that whatsoever. When Eren ordered a round of six shots, Reiner finally began to understand what he might have gotten himself into. 

“We’ve got forty minutes to get drunk before midnight, and then the party really begins!” He shouted over music Reiner could feel in his chest.

It was about forty minutes later when he learned that Bertolt got handsy when he got drunk. He also found that he didn’t give a single fuck about that. This was more fun than he had ever imagined. When they had all convinced him to go, well, Bertolt convinced him, he had conjured a mental image of himself awkwardly trying to shuffle around a half empty dance floor like the one he had seen the last time they were there. 

Tonight, they were just two people lost in a crowd. And dancing was a strong word. Bertolt could dance, that much had become obvious fast. But he was hardly _dancing_. No, it was much more accurate to say that he was currently, and successfully, messing with Reiner and it happened to be to the beat. Their bodies were pressed together, hardly inches from the strangers around, and he was one drink away from making out with Bertolt right there. 

Technically, they weren’t even on the dance floor. Bertolt had not so subtly, after shot number three, begun to guide him to an equally crowded, but much darker, portion of the bar-turned-club. Eren and Armin appeared at their sides, which stopped the swaying of Bertolt’s hips, but did not inspire him to give Reiner any further space. Fine by him.

“Here we go! Happy New Year!” Eren passed them each a bright little plastic cup.

“What’s this?” Reiner shouted back.

Armin watched with amusement, sipping a soda as Eren shout-communicated back. “You’ve never had a jello shot?”

“No!”

“Look, like this.” It was Bertolt talking now. 

He grabbed the green one and handed it to Reiner before grabbing an orange one for himself. His finger freed the gelatin from the edges and the next second it was gone past his lips. He looked him dead in the eye and sucked his finger clean. The half boner he had been sporting was converting into a full hard on. Eren and Armin seemed to have excused themselves from the drunk display because they were nowhere near anymore. So Reiner copied him, down to the finger in his mouth.

Things were getting fuzzy by then. When the music switched to a DJ countdown, Bertolt didn’t even wait for it to get to ‘Happy New Year!’ before his tongue was in Reiner’s mouth. He was moving one of Reiner’s hands to his hips and the other followed of its own accord. His other hand was starting to wind its way into his hair.

“You’re getting me too excited,” Reiner said into his ear.

“Mm, but y’look so good.” Bertolt answered, nipping at his earlobe. 

Reiner silently apologized for judging the people who snuck into a bathroom stall. 

Bertolt nuzzled back against his ear. “Patio?”

“It’s so cold.”

“Mnn,” came a whine in response. Bertolt rocked his hips against him and he wondered, not for the first time, who was going to be where when the time came. 

“Thinking about going out there?” Bertolt slid his hand onto Reiner’s chest, nothing if not persistent.

“Mmhm,” he lied, not nearly drunk enough to admit he was thinking about whose dick was going to be in who. But it drifted out of his unfocused mind as soon as the cold air hit his face. 

The various stragglers already accumulated, bundled, with similar ideas as them, made Bertolt pout in the cutest way.

“Back inside?” Reiner offered, already freezing. Bertolt nodded emphatically, rushing back into the heated bar. They were headed off once again by Eren and Armin, this time holding up a small plaque and a wad of bills. And more jello shots.

“We got a table!” Armin shouted, waving the little piece of plastic at them.

Table? Reiner turned to Bertolt, but he was just smiling wide in understanding and once again pulling him through people until they reached a cramped bar table with exactly four seats. The dance floor was strangely empty with a border of tables just like theirs. Loud woo’s grabbed his attention as a group of rowdy girls wedged themselves into the table next to them. One of them bumped into him and nearly fell, but managed to steady herself on his shoulder.

“Sorry,” she drawled, not letting go. 

Spotlights were swirling, but he wasn’t paying much attention. His buzzy brain was trying to figure out how to nicely tell her to please not when a voice from above did it for him.

“Oh, honey, you are barking up the wrong tree.” 

Who had a microphone? Bertolt had mentioned a show, but had not specified and Reiner hadn’t thought much of it. Until now, as a very tall… woman?... approached. 

His head spun back to Bertolt who was breaking into laughter. 

“A drag show?” He yelled over the crowd noise. Bertolt just nodded, still laughing. On the bright side, the girl had retreated from his arm. On the other hand -

“But I don’t blame you, honey! Look at this hunk of man.” 

The queen stopped right in front of him. His shock ran deep, and even deeper when they touched his arm and let out an exaggerated purring noise. As soon as they had come, they went, their falsely high voice introducing themselves by a name he did not catch through the crowd’s laughter. 

Bertolt’s head was on the table, he was laughing so hard. Eren and Armin were cracking up practically as bad.

“Maybe we should’ve put you on the inside for your first show,” Armin yelled, another laugh surfacing. Eren slid a stack of singles to him, still chuckling.

“What are these for?” His face was still absolutely on fire from what had just happened. 

“You’ll see!”

He felt slightly sobered from the interaction and silently prayed that he would remain invisible for the rest of the night. Well, morning. The purpose of the dollar bills became readily apparent soon enough. His sassy harasser disappeared behind into some sort of makeshift backstage, or so he assumed, only to be replaced by music so loud he couldn’t hear himself think. Bass reverberated in his chest. The initial embarrassment was quickly being replaced by excitement.

And Bertolt was no less drunk, therefore no less handsy. He scooted his chair right up next to him, thighs pressed flush together, lips practically on his ear.

“We wanted it to be a surprise!” Even with him yelling right into his ear, Reiner barely heard it. They switched head positions.

“It was a surprise!”

Bertolt just laughed and stole a sloppy, fast kiss, leaning back just in time for the first performance. Reiner felt sort of star struck. Like he was suddenly on another planet, one way more glamorous and crazy than his own little world. The beat pounded and the man who was the best dressed woman he had ever seen danced their way over. Bertolt leaned back into his ear.

“Give her a dollar!”

He obeyed, tentatively holding out one of the bills until it was snatched away by long glittery nails with a deep-voiced ‘thank you’ that was even more startling. How the fuck did they even stand in those shoes? 

As the shock wore off, he found himself enamored and, even more than that, thoroughly impressed. He gasped when the next queen did a full split, Bertolt chuckling at that right into his ear. His chair was turned sideways so he could get a full on look at the “stage,” to which Bertolt had used as an opportunity to hug him from behind and watch over his shoulder.

He felt apprehensive when the Host Queen, whose name still escaped him, reappeared. This time, however, he would be left alone. Bertolt would not be so lucky.

“I hope you are all enjoying yourselves tonight!” She paused to let the crowd cheer. “Alright, let’s have a little fun. Have we got any birthdays in the house?” 

The audience was going wild and a few heads popped up. Bertolt stiffened behind him.

“C’mon, any birthdays this week?” 

Reiner turned to pull on Bertolt, but Armin was already pushing him, trying to get him out of his chair. It was only fair after all. Reiner tugged at it, forcing his sweet, quiet, and apparently surprise-scheming, boyfriend to his feet. The host beckoned the victims to her, most following willingly. Bertolt stood planted in place until he was singled out.

“Oh, you, too, honey. I also see we’ve got a bride here! Come on up! Bartender, where are our shots?”

Reiner beamed with a mix of adoration and amusement as Bertolt shot them all a dirty look, face noticeably red as soon as he stepped into the lights. He was barely taller than the drag queen, and he didn’t even have four inch tall shoes.

She went down the line, delivering quips and some sort of dark liquor to the five poor souls. The bachelorette seemed thrilled. Bertolt stood nervously, half smiling when handed his shot.

“And you _know_ what they say about tall men. Very. Big. _Feet.”_

Reiner had thought he had seen the full range of Bertolt’s blush. Nope. Well, now he had. Besides, she wasn’t wrong, he thought. Bertolt was released only after the shot glass was empty, glaring all the way back to the table. But they were all laughing too hard to care. Still, Reiner laced his fingers into his as soon as he was sitting beside him again.

The rest was a blur until they shuffled out with the two a.m. crowd. Reiner shivered slightly at the cold, head buzzing between the drinks and the music so loud he was sure there was some hearing loss there. It took until halfway through the ride home to even be able to think normally. At which point, Bertolt asked him quietly, with a smirk, if he was going to put his jacket back on. 

He did. And as soon as Armin was driving away, Bertolt kissed his neck hungrily.

“You wanna stay over?” He offered.

“Yeah.” 

As soon as they were through his door, he was shimmying off layers. Bertolt’s hands were cold for the first time ever, chilled from the night. He felt hazy and horny and slid his hands straight onto his ass. Their bare chests together, he kissed him, pushing him into the wall. Bertolt moaned, rocking his hips against him, fingers already tangling into his hair. 

“You can pull,” he said, insecurities forgotten by the alcohol.

His mouth was back on Bertolt before any questions could be asked. A gentle tug sent a shiver down his back. It was followed by a harder one. A low groan escaped him and he slid his hands up Bertolt’s sides.

“Bed?” Bertolt breathed. 

He nodded, nearly stumbling on the way there. Damn, it was really catching up to him. As soon as he got to the bed, Bertolt tugged at his pants. He clumsily shoved them down, having difficulty at the ankles. But when Bertolt tried to free Reiner's feet, he fell onto his ass, laughing from the floor. 

“Mnn, too drunk,” he groaned.

Reiner chuckled, helping him up, not quite so uncoordinated at that point.

“Maybe we should sleep.”

“Mmm.” Bertolt was leaning into him, heavy and relaxed. He guided him to the bed, having stepped out of his own jeans finally, before unbuttoning Bertolt’s.

“Thought we were sleepin,” he mumbled.

“We are. Just getting you comfortable, you cutie.”

Bertolt chuckled. “No, you’re cute.” 

But he was clearly fading into Reiner’s pillows while Reiner himself played tug of war with the tightest pants on the planet, almost losing his own balance in the end. By the time he was pulling the covers over Bertolt, a soft little snore escaped his pink lips. Reiner shook his head and grinned, shutting off the light and slowly crawling back into the bed, snuggling up to Bertolt’s warm body with a contented sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fun. And to quote Rupaul -
> 
> "We're born naked, and the rest is drag."


	15. Higher Education

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting two days in a row since the last chapter was more of a short, fun thing, plus a little bit of set up for this one.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

This wasn't his bed.

Bertolt's mouth was dry and his body ached. It wasn’t as bad as that one time, but thank god Petra was doing the New Year salutations class this year. A new year, a new him, right? That was last year’s motto, anyway. But maybe old habits die hard because he was definitely not wearing pants and he hoped desperately that they hadn’t. It would be the worst twist of fate to have found himself with Reiner only to have their first time obscured to him by vodka. 

No, he had never been so far gone that he blacked out. Then again, he did have a faint memory of Reiner undoing his pants. Speaking of… Where was he? 

Signs of Reiner peppered the room. Pants on the ground. Oh, there were his pants, too. One mystery down. And his shirt. He sank deeper into the comforter, soaking in how much it smelled like him. He had never stayed the night with anyone before. A familiar itchy feeling threatened the coziness of the blankets, but he reminded himself that it was Reiner and he just wasn’t the type of guy to disappear. For once, the prickly feeling was combated by another; a conviction that the empty room was temporary. Besides, what was he going to do? Never come back to his own room?

Bertolt couldn’t let those old fears bubble up. This was a good thing. They had a good thing. He sat up, hoping to get elevated out of the fog he was creating. One glimpse to the nightstand confirmed that he needed to remember the facts, not the past. 

There sat his Christmas gift to Reiner. A sketch of him and Gabi. It had scared him half to death to show it to Reiner, much less justify it as a gift, but a little piece of him just told him it would be the right thing. It was _framed._ He smiled at that, not sure any of his art was worth framing, but flattered nonetheless. Reiner’s watch was there, too. Who wears watches anymore, anyway? 

Bertolt teased him for it. But also he asked him the time regularly just to see him pause, shake his wrist, and study the little ticks. Cute.

As much as he liked Reiner’s bed, and hoped to return to it under different circumstances, he was still getting antsy. Getting his pants back on was a chore. Admittedly, he had selected these primarily for the purpose of getting Reiner’s attention. Now his price was having to put them on a second time, some small jumps and shimmies required. 

They were barely buttoned before the bedroom door opened. Reiner’s eyes were scanning him up and down with a smirk, head shaking slightly. He pointed a finger at him.

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to take those off?”

He smiled nervously. “Did we, um, do anything last night?”

“No. You don’t remember?”

“I remember making out. And you unbuttoning my pants.”

Reiner chuckled. “You also fell over. Never thought I’d see that, Mr. Yoga Instructor.”

“Oh.” He blushed, but relief was spreading through him.

“You look relieved,” Reiner observed, echoing his thoughts.

“I want things to be special. Not… drunk.”

Reiner seemed a lot less concerned about it all. 

“I don’t think we would’ve gotten far. I was pretty drunk, too. I passed out as soon as I got you out of those fucking pants. Seriously, it was a battle. Anyways, I’ve got breakfast. You hungry?”

He nodded, following Reiner out to the dining table. Definitely. 

_I’m getting spoiled,_ he thought as a plate of eggs and bacon appeared in front of him, followed shortly by hot coffee. 

“Mm, crap,” he mumbled through his food, “one second.” 

Petra was calling. It would be about time to prep the studio, she was probably just looking for something. They had rearranged since her leave and she was still getting used to it. He swallowed the too big bite of eggs.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Bertolt. Sorry for calling, but is there _any_ chance you could do the New Year’s class?”

All one-hundred and eight salutations? The way he felt? Hell no.

“I don’t think I’d make it through. I’m pretty hungover. I could oversee it.”

“No, no. I don’t know. It’s just that my babysitter fell through. And Oluo is on that trip with Mike. Which is also where Levi is, so I can’t ask him either.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. I can try to do the class. I can walk around for most of it.”

“No, I don’t want it to be like that. I’ll ask around and call you back, ok?”

“Ok, let me know.”

He hung up and turned to Reiner. How did he look so chipper this morning?

“Everything ok?”

“Petra’s babysitter fell through. I might have to go in. But I feel pretty worn out. And it’s like a three hour class.”

“Oh, that sucks.” Reiner chewed on some bacon, looking thoughtfully over Bertolt’s shoulder at the wall. 

After a moment, something clicked on his face and he was looking at Bertolt again. 

“We could babysit.”

_What?_

Oh no. He didn’t know the first thing about babies. Or children in general. In fact, they freaked him out a bit if he was being honest.

“I don’t mind,” Reiner continued, lost in one of his little tangents, “I like babies. They’re cute. I helped with Gabi a bunch. And I used to help at the nursery at church every Sunday. Actually, I kind of miss that part sometimes. Maybe I should go do that one of these weeks. As long as I don’t have to sit through service.”

Bertolt pondered it while Reiner reminisced. Of course he would like children. It seemed weird, but then again he really didn’t want to do that class. 

“Are you sure?”

“Course. It’s not like I have plans. And it would help you out, wouldn’t it?”

“I don’t know anything about children,” he warned.

But Reiner just grinned. “Well, well, well. For once I know more about something than you. How old is her baby?”

“You know plenty of stuff. But, I don’t know, like six months maybe?” He wasn’t totally sure.

Reiner scoffed. “That’s easy. They can’t even get around at that age. It’s when they can walk that’s real trouble.”

He couldn’t hide his surprise. “How do you know so much about babies?”

“I just told you, I helped out at the nursery all the time. Gabi was little and I would go there with her because we would have to wait after church for our parents to wrap up random meetings and stuff. Then, for my senior volunteer hours, that counted, so that’s what I did.”

Bertolt had just volunteered at the library with Armin for his hours. So, really, he read half the time.

“If you’re sure, I’m going to call Petra.”

“I’m sure.”

Bertolt glanced between him and the phone a few more times before hitting call, wondering what he was getting himself into and whether he would rather struggle through the sun salutations…

“Hey. I haven’t found anything yet,” Petra answered.

“I might have something.”

“What?”

He cleared his throat. “We can babysit. Reiner and I.”

“Your boyfriend?”

“Yes. Apparently, he’s watched a lot of children.”

The words felt weird on his tongue. This was weird. Right? Petra seemed undisturbed.

“That would be great! God, I’ve really been looking forward to this class. I’ve barely left my house. You really don’t mind?”

“We don’t mind.”

“Great! Come to my house, then. But also hurry, cause I need to get to the studio in that case.”

“We’ll be there.” 

Luckily it was nearby. He bit his lip.

“So, we have to go. Right now.”

“Oh. Ok, let’s go.” 

Reiner was too nice for his own good, Bertolt concluded. This was ridiculous. To him it was, at least, because he would never have volunteered himself for this in one hundred years. But Reiner was already shoving a last piece of bacon into his mouth and speaking through it.

“Fin’sh eating. M’get ready,” already standing. And apparently swallowing, because the next part was much clearer. “You should put on different clothes, though. As much as I like your pants.”

He drank what coffee he could, hoping it would put a dent in his achy head. His keys were still in one pocket.

“Have you seen my wallet?” He asked loudly to an out-of-sight Reiner.

“No! Check around the bed maybe?”

Alright. Within moments he was peering underneath the bed frame, trying to track it down, when something caught his eye. There was a packet there. But that was weird. It was just a single envelope, lying on the carpet. Nothing else was under the bed except, thankfully, his wallet. He slid both out with him, thinking it must have slipped under on accident or something and maybe Reiner was missing it.

It was addressed to Reiner, but not to this apartment. This must be his parent’s house. He almost dropped it when he read the return address. 

“Oh,” Reiner said quietly, “I forgot I put that there.”

“Is this an admissions packet?” He tried to meet Reiner’s eyes, but they were cast down and his arms were crossed.

“Yeah.”

But, when Bertolt had asked about university, Reiner told him he hadn’t been interested in school. The packet in his hands was addressed from Bertolt’s now alma mater. Why was it under the bed? And was it recent, or was this from years ago?

“We should go,” Reiner reminded him.

“Yeah. I’ll meet you at my truck, I’m just going to change my pants.”

“Ok.”

He stuffed his wallet in his pants, no time to ask the questions bouncing around up there. Reiner looked nervous, but there wasn’t time to ask about that either. It would have to wait for the ride to Petra’s. 

Back in his own room, he squirmed out of the jeans and hunted down an older, not so bone-tight, pair. He put on the sweater Reiner had given him as his Christmas gift, smiling at the thought. The weather was cold, but he was speed walking to the truck, so it was short lived. Too bad his heater kind of sucked, though.

Reiner was leaning against the passenger side, arms still crossed. He walked right up to him, planting a kiss right on his cheek, hoping to cheer him up. It got a little smile out of him, which was something.

“Thank you for babysitting.”

“Do I get more kisses if I do a good job?”

Reiner always knew how to catch him off guard. He blushed and nodded, cursing himself. Every time he tried to surprise him, it always got turned around. 

Halfway to Petra’s, neither of them had said a word. He mustered up a single sentence, finally, too uncomfortable in the silence and mystery of it.

“You said you didn’t want to go to school.”

Reiner fidgeted, but didn’t avoid the question.

“I… did. And then I didn’t.”

“Did you get in.”

“With a scholarship.” Reiner looked out the window, not elaborating. 

“Why didn’t you go?”

This time it was a longer pause. They were almost to Petra’s and he hoped to find out before then.

Reiner’s voice was unusually quiet.

“When I realized - well, when I admitted to myself - that I was gay. I don’t know, I felt all mixed up. I thought if I left home, I would end up coming out. And I really thought my parents wouldn’t accept me, and then I would lose them.” 

Bertolt’s heart dropped. He would have been scared to lose parents like Reiner’s, too. His own mom had been a loss since long before he was openly gay. Getting kicked out had just been a cherry on top of their otherwise rocky relationship. But Reiner had given up school just to hold on to his family.

“But you didn’t lose them,” he said.

Reiner’s face went darker. 

“I know.” 

The tone was more bitter than he could have imagined coming from the man next to him. Petra’s house was in his line of sight and he fully processed the implication of what he had just pointed out. Reiner had given it all up. For nothing. 

Bertolt cut the engine, only moving to take his hand. There were so many things he could have said, but his tongue wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, he silently gripped Reiner’s fingers until Petra appeared in her doorway. Reiner was already sliding out of his grip and onto the sidewalk.

“It’s so nice to meet you!” She was shaking Reiner’s hand, then turning to Bertolt, “Thank you _so_ much.” 

He came around and was met with a hug from her.

“It’s no problem,” he said politely. That might have been an exaggeration considering his trepidation. He didn’t mind helping Petra, not in the least. Just… children. Child, to be more specific. 

But Reiner’s smile had returned and they were exchanging introductions. He had told Petra about him, but they hadn’t had much time to talk since the baby had come along. Normally, they would have talked regularly, Petra being much more talkative and personable than Levi. 

Actually, Levi was nicer than people gave him credit for. He was just crude and sharp about things. But Bertolt had learned, when he had first been hired, that the man had a soft spot for cases like himself. Every once in a while, they would practice just the two of them and Levi would ask him how things were going. 

Almost like a brother, he had expressed concern about Reiner, asking Bertolt if he really wanted to date someone who was in the closet. But his eyes had sparked when Bertolt informed him Reiner was out. ‘Bout time,’ he had mumbled. Yes, that grumpy little man probably had a soft spot for Reiner, too, Bertolt would bet.

Petra ran them through her daughter’s morning routine, snacks, toys, nap time… Bertolt’s head was already spinning with all the information. Reiner nodded along, face lighting up when they made it to the actual baby.

“And this,” Petra hoisted her from a small rocking type thing, “is Isabel.”

“Hello!” Reiner cooed.

God, he was _adorable_. Bertolt stared at the display, shocked at how much he liked it. Reiner was already plenty wonderful with his sister, but this was something else. A thought crossed his mind, but he stamped it out. Way too early for that.

“What a cute name. You look like my sister when she was your age.” 

Isabel smiled at him and reached for a lock of hair that fell onto his forehead.

“Oh, no you don’t.” He chuckled and gave her his finger instead.

Petra gave Bertolt a big smile and a quirked eyebrow. He mouthed ‘shut up’ back to her. She was definitely going to tease him about this later.

“Thank you again. Really, great to meet you, Reiner. I’ll see you guys in a few hours.”

She was out the door with her mat, and then it was just them. And a baby. For hours. Thank God Reiner seemed to know what he was doing. Searching for some kind of contribution, he offered information.

“She’s named after Levi’s sister.”

“I didn’t know Levi had a sister.” Reiner wiggled his finger at Isabel.

“She died.”

“Oh.” Reiner looked up, eyes horrified. “I… can’t imagine.”

Oh. He hadn’t even thought about Gabi. Shit. Great, now he had stirred up whatever that college business was and also given him an image of losing his sister. Who he was pretty sure was Reiner’s favorite person in the whole world. Maybe he should just sit down before making anything worse.

Watching Reiner with Isabel was a treat, though. He never thought he would have such a positive experience with a small human being, even if it was basically second hand. His boyfriend seemed to have made a game out of how much he could possibly entertain this child. First it was peek-a-boo, then it was the bouncy chair. More peek-a-boo. Then, Reiner was lifting her into his lap.

“Oh, I don’t know, Reiner. She won’t like me.”

“Nonsense. Relax, it’s just a baby. Just smile at her and say whatever. I have to use the bathroom.”

And now big brown eyes were staring at him, suddenly deprived of the boyish playtime Reiner had provided her. 

“Hi,” he said awkwardly.

She kicked her feet at him, hands reaching up, so he sat her up in his lap. She was so tiny it scared him; so small and dependent on him not dropping her. The next second his hair was being painfully yanked in her chubby fist. 

“Ow,” he muttered. Ok, not totally helpless, then.

Her laugh brought a smile to his lips, though. This time he lowered his hair of his own volition, hissing at the next yank. But Isabel was laughing louder, so, you know, sacrifices.

“What’re you doing?” Reiner reappeared. He turned his head, a fistfull of his hair now being drawn towards a tiny, slobbery mouth.

“She likes it.”

There was a sweet laugh from Reiner before he extracted the tiny being from Bertolt’s hair and lap.

“You like his hair? Me, too.” 

Bertolt blushed at that.

“Let’s send a picture to Annie with us and the baby. She’s going to be so confused.” Reiner was already pulling out his phone.

They both laughed when she immediately called him. 

“Please tell me that’s not your baby,” she had urged over speakerphone.

“Annie, where on earth would we get a baby?”

It was all very fine, dandy, and dare he say, wonderful. Until Isabel started crying, that is. No bouncing from Reiner or himself was calming her. Reiner said that Petra said this was her nap time and all they had to do was get her to fall asleep. 

That’s all.

It took half an hour before she stopped crying, dropping suddenly into Reiner’s shoulder. Bertolt was pretty sure she had only done it by exhausting herself through her tears. 

“Where’s her room?” Reiner whispered.

Bertolt led him down the hall. He had helped paint the nursery and could still remember Petra getting paint on her face for jokingly asking Levi if he could reach the wainscotting. Reiner’s face screwed up with concentration as he lowered Isabel gently into her crib, moving away inch by inch as if the slightest breeze was going to wake her.

He opened his mouth to ask why he was doing that, but Reiner put a finger to his mouth before he could speak, then silently shooed him out. He closed the door with a finesse that seemed abnormal for someone who regularly knocked into door frames and chairs. 

Back in the living room, Reiner let out a long breath and smiled at him.

“See? Easy.”

The last forty minutes flitted through his mind and the laughter escaped. Sure. Easy. Reiner shushed him, so he was left trying to keep quiet and only wanting to laugh harder. It took a full minute for him to regain composure, only to find Reiner giving him a big grin.

“What?” He breathed out.

“You’re cute.”

He shook his head. “No, that would be you. I can’t believe you’re so good with kids.”

Reiner shrugged, blowing off the compliment. As usual. They sank onto Petra’s couch. At least his head was finally feeling clear. His muscles were still sort of achy, but he felt alright.

“I’m tired,” Reiner mumbled, eyes closing, head lolling to the back of the sofa.

“Take a nap, then.”

“Mmkay.”

It was only a matter of minutes before Bertolt was alone in consciousness. He surveyed the room around them and decided it would be worth picking up. Maybe they could do this again.

On his knees, surrounded by toys, his gaze wandered back to the couch. He watched Reiner’s breath rise and fall. And for a second, if he closed one eye, he looked almost the exact same as in high school. It felt far too late to tell him now, seeing as he had chickened out on their first date. But he remembered. From the back of pre-calc. Across the hall. Gym class. 

Back then he had been dead sure that someone like Reiner would never want somebody like him. Every Saturday after class, years later, he had still been sure. When they flirted, he assumed Reiner was just experimenting. And when he had asked him if he liked anyone in this small little place, he was sure he was about to find out that Reiner was about to be dating somebody else. Anybody else.

But he had asked _him_ to dinner instead. And he still didn’t believe it until Armin called him that Friday after work demanding to know why he had found out about their date from Reiner with an insufferable ‘I told you so’ tone in his voice. 

Then, he just had to be so sweet to him. His whole life people had walked out on him and he spent more than enough time worrying if this would be the same. But Reiner made it hard to think like that; made it hard to think straight at all sometimes. And Bertolt was so tired of putting up walls. So tired of feeling alone. 

So maybe he could let himself fall, on purpose. If anything was worth having a broken heart, it would be to be in love with that man. Somehow, somewhere, he knew he would have to open up if he wanted to hold on to him. And he would rather risk it all than look back and say he didn’t try.

So he would do it. Instead of giving his body and hoping it would convince someone to stay, he would have to give his heart. He had guarded it so closely for so long, he wasn’t sure exactly how he was even supposed to do so. But he would try. He wanted to try. 

He had a chance at something real, and he couldn’t let it pass him by.


	16. Back Then

Reiner slowly, oh so slowly, slid his notebook over top of his text book. It was a daily ritual; fill up his arms at half a snail’s pace and stare sideways down the hall. Theoretically, he knew most everyone at their school. But in practice, he was only personally familiar with a handful, and the person he found himself watching increasingly was not one of them. Unfortunately.

An emotion he still couldn’t place stung at him when he glimpsed the recently infamous duo make their way into his line of sight. Eren Yeager and Armin Arlert. Their trajectory soon merged with his original point of focus. Tall, with messy dark hair and a smile that sent a cold shot of excitement through him. He hugged his books to his chest as if that could dampen it. 

“You need your math book for Band?” 

Reiner jumped, nearly fumbling everything in his arms. 

“Annie. You scared the crap out of me.”

He thrust the books back into his locker and closed it harder than he meant to. The rattle of thin metal was drowned out quickly by the hall full of their peers. 

“I got mixed up,” he explained, not sure if she even heard him. She was already turning around, telling him to hurry up, and, 

“If I have to play one more ‘late scale’ because of you, I’m going to stab you with my piccolo.”

Reiner jogged to catch up with her, in the opposite direction of where he would like to be looking.

“You would never do that to your piccolo.”

They slipped in right before the bell and Annie rushed to free her flute and its associate from their cage in the back of the room. Reiner drifted lazily to hide behind the assorted timpani alongside Marcel, who actually took his position seriously. Reiner, on the other hand, needed to fill an arts credit to graduate and this was his only option besides actual art class. 

But, the only art class at the school was occupied by people he was trying to avoid. Person. Person who he had spent all of last Spring watching from over his own meager attempts at drawing. It’s how this whole mess started, really. Why, oh why, did their teacher have to sit him right behind Bertolt Hoover? He had been given far too much opportunity to stare at the back of his head and catch glimpses of what were actual, legitimate pursuits of art. It was manageable enough until one time Kirschtein of all people had muttered something under his breath that drew out a quiet chuckle from the impossibly shy, hunched figure. After he heard Bertolt laugh, it was downhill. All the way until summer, he had found himself wondering why he was so jealous over that. 

Spending the summer away from his classmates had helped considerably, and he had felt much improved, only to get bit in the ass even harder on the first day of school. If Annie and he hadn’t scored next door lockers, he would have asked for a new one, around the corner, and out of sight.

“Braun,” he said, kicking off the roll call after getting elbowed by Marcel. 

Yes, he _might_ have a crush. That much he had admitted. Mostly out of necessity, because if it wasn’t a crush that seemed even creepier. So, he might be curious, but it would go away. It had to. Just a one time thing. He cringed, his subconscious bubbling up to remind him about the other times, the other tingling feelings, that had been before this particular crush.

He needed to do something. He had to snap out of this. There must be a girl he could get along with in that way. Right? He just needed one girl. One person to prove him wrong. 

“Leonhart,” Annie called at her turn.

_Annie._

She was a she, wasn’t she? And they certainly got along. If he could make it work with anybody, surely she would be her. The thought left a bad taste on his tongue, but he swallowed that down. They had been best friends for years, but maybe there was something left buried that they simply had left to uncover. 

The more difficult question of just how to propose they consider moving past friendship was answered fatefully at lunchtime. As he shuffled through the line with Annie, he spied the same poster they had been passing and ignoring all month. 

Prom.

Perfect. What better way to start something? He glanced down at her picking up a wrapped sandwich and tried to picture holding her dainty hand. After all, he was a touchy kind of guy. Although, Annie was pretty contact averse. Maybe that was why it was so weird to imagine their fingers entwining. 

“I don’t know! Sandwich or meatloaf? It’s an impossible decision!” 

Reiner glanced back in line even though he was ninety percent sure already who was nearly shouting. Who else would be so loud or so tempted by the meatloaf? Behind Sasha, Connie followed, rolling his eyes. And behind Connie, green eyes flicked away.

His head snapped back forward. They had made eye contact. Oh no, his face felt so hot and his heart was pounding. He needed to do something and soon. The prospect of asking Annie to Prom made him feel more nauseous than nervous, but it was his last chance to fix this problem before it ruined his life.

“Annie,” he began the second they slid into their usual table, “I was thinking.”

She raised a brow at him and pried open a bag of chips, silently offering him one like every day before. He took one, more out of habit than anything.

“D’you wanna go to prom?” He rushed, nerves fraying.

“No,” she answered flatly. It had taken her zero seconds to respond.

“Oh,” he fiddled with the wrapper on his sandwich, determined to at least finish his proposal, “It’s just I was thinking we could go together. Like, you know, a, um… A date.”

Annie’s face screwed up and she paused mid-bite, eyes meeting his. Lowering her ham and cheese sub slowly, she said even slower,

“You want to go to prom? As a date? With _me?”_

He still held the chip in his fingers. 

“Yes.”

They stared each other down for a few more seconds before she fully set her food down and straightened her back. Reiner waited for a speech about being just friends, not liking him that way, or any other form of rejection. Even another unfounded threat to harm him physically would have been within expectations, instead of what she said next.

“Alright. I’ll go.”

Now he felt nauseous _and_ nervous. There was no further discussion as to details, outfits, or any of the like. Annie silently chewed through her lunch while Reiner picked at his listlessly and stared out the store-front window that looked out to the big back lawn of the school. Prom. With Annie. Maybe it would make more sense once they slow danced or something? 

The bell rang too soon and with reluctance he dragged himself from the table and walked silently with Annie back to their lockers. _Now_ he needed his math book. She walked off wordlessly to her next period, leaving him to drag his feet in the direction of precalculus.

 _He_ sat towards the back like usual, hunched over a notebook. Reiner pursed his lips and slid into his own seat, torn between wondering what Bertolt was always writing in there and anxiously imagining what Prom with Annie was going to be like. When it was announced they would be working in pairs, his stomach rolled over. What if?

But his pairing was anticlimactic. Pieck shuffled over and slid a desk next to his before plopping down.

“Hey, Reiner.”

“Hey.”

“Ok, do you know anything about quadratic equations?”

She started ruffling through pages of half finished homework. He searched his bag and realized his pencil was probably still sitting on the end table in the living room at home. 

“No, I’m pretty lost on this stuff. Can I borrow a pencil?”

“Sorry, this is my only one. One second.” She twisted around to the pair of desks squeezed together behind them. “Pock, you got a spare pencil?”

Reiner twisted with her, only to be startled by Porco’s partner. Damn it. 

“Nah, sorry. Bertolt?” Porco didn’t even glance up from his book, too busy hunting down the page they were supposed to be on.

“Yeah,” Bertolt said quietly, already rooting around in his bag. 

Reiner could feel his face burning. His eyes darted anywhere but Bertolt’s face, only daring to spare a glance when the yellow stick was extended to him. It was probably rude as hell, but he practically snatched it with only a weak ‘thanks,’ before spinning back around to his own papers.

“What’s up with you today?” Pieck asked quietly.

“Nothing.” 

She shrugged and let it go. Pieck was too chill to bother prying and went back to frowning at their textbook. He leaned in to read it when she asked him a question, only to get wad of paper to the back of the head.

“Give her some space.” 

He turned back once again, eyebrows raised, to Porco making a face at them. What, was he worried about him flirting with her? Reiner hadn’t even noticed that they were sitting so close. What was the big deal? There was definitely no attraction there. 

His stomach sank at that thought and he blushed again when he briefly met Bertolt’s eyes for the second time that day.

“Chill out, Pock, it’s called group work. You guys are sharing a book, too. Or do you have something to tell me?”

Porco rolled his eyes at that, but he shut up. Reiner learned next to nothing for the rest of the period, anxiously stressing over how he was going to return this pencil and how he was supposed to attempt to date Annie. Too bad he and Bertolt weren’t sharing a book.

 _Shut up._

He liked girls. He _had_ to like girls. The things he felt sometimes when he saw boys were nothing. And he was desperately clawing for a reason, any reason at all, to maintain that belief. 

Reiner could feel it. He was on some kind of countdown. But he refused to give in. There was already a plan and it did not include being gay. He was going to go to college, and if this thing with Annie didn’t work out he would just have to find a girl there. He would bring her home, his parents would embarrass him, and eventually he would start a family of his own. Just like they wanted.

 _Like I want,_ he corrected himself. Which wasn’t a total lie. He did want a family.

The thought spiral continued and replayed itself in different variations all the way up until he was dumping his backpack on the bench in their entry. It also took him until that moment to realize he had never returned Bertolt’s pencil. 

“Reiner!” 

He smiled and ruffled Gabi’s hair to which she yelled and batted at his arm. 

“How was school, B?” She trudged to the dining room table and he followed right along. 

“Boring,” she whined.

“Boring?”

“Yeah I wanted to draw in art class, but then we had to learn about color stuff and-and I got bored so I was drawing anyways but then the teacher got mad so I had to stop.” 

Gabi huffed and started catching her breath, having used it all up in one go.

“I’ll draw with you if you want.”

She screwed up her face at his generous offer and shook her head dramatically.

“No. You’re bad at drawing.”

He stifled a laugh. She had him there, and the proof was for some unearthly reason still hanging in their hallway at his mom’s insistence.

“Will you help me again today?” she asked, glaring at the stack of homework in front of her.

“Sure. I’ll be right back. Do you want juice?”

“Yes!”

He shook his head, still smiling about her earlier comment. Their mom would have scolded her for saying something like that, but he quietly tried to encourage it, hoping she would have the chance to be bolder than he was. Before he grabbed his own backpack from the front, he set down two glasses of juice at the table. Too bad Gabi couldn’t help him with precalculus. 

Time ticked by and he thought he might just have figured out one of these stupid math questions when the front door opened and closed. Their father’s voice was warm as he greeted their mom in the kitchen before appearing at the archway to the dining room. 

“Hi, you two.”

“Hi, dad,” they returned, starting to pack up their work. Gabi, unlike Reiner, had finished at least. He went to retrieve the dishes, his week to set the table. 

If his day was long, dinner was longer. Somehow, two very familiar names were wedging their way into the table conversation following his mother saying,

“Dr. Yeager’s office called. Gabi’s due for her check up.” 

Gabi groaned, but their dad ignored it. “Alright. Speaking of the Yeagers, have you talked to Carla at all?”

“No, why?”

“Just wondering how they’re doing after their son’s…” His dad glanced at him, “choice.” 

A tightness formed in his chest. Choice… He had heard more animated words on the topic in church. But this one made his gut clench in a way he didn’t quite understand.

Mrs. Braun shrugged and also glanced at Reiner. “Well, I guess it’s their business.”

Armin had been bullied plenty for it since Reiner could remember. Called names and pushed around. He had never really come out, but everyone knew. The real shock to the system had come a few months ago when Eren came out to be with him, unapologetic as ever and willing to fight anyone who dared say something. It was lucky for them that Mikasa was on their side.

Well, what better time to bring up his latest news? 

“Mom. Dad?” 

They paused, giving him anxious looks. What was that about?

“Could I have some money? To buy tickets to the Prom?”

His dad lit up at that, although his mom seemed more surprised than anything.

“Prom? I thought you said you weren’t going. Who’s the lucky girl?”

“I wasn’t. But now I am. With Annie.”

“As friends?” his mom asked, brows pinching together.

He shook his head slowly. “No. Actually, it’s a date.” 

The smile on his dad’s face was so bright that he wanted to cry. But instead, he smiled back weakly.

“Well, sure. Just tell us how much. We’ll have to see if your suit still fits, won’t we, Karina?” 

His mom gave a warm smile, but still only nodded. Reiner mumbled a 'thanks,' and dove back into his dinner. It only took a few bites of pasta for his thoughts to betray him, drifting back to math class. Back to pencils. And a quiet boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was surprisingly fun to write! I might drop more flashback chapters along the way. Maybe a Bertolt one... Hope you enjoyed it!


	17. Candles

Reiner checked the oven for the millionth time. Then, he checked the salad even though it had been done for thirty minutes and it was a _salad_. But he wanted it to be perfect. Bertolt was leaving tomorrow morning, and Reiner had been putting this off for too long, allowing his nerves and doubt to get the best of him. Not this time. 

As soon as the food was out of the oven, there were two knocks on the door.

Bertolt stood tall on the other side of his door, smiling. He drew him in for a hug, pleased to see how little he hunched these days. Inside, Bertolt’s smile grew. 

“What's all this?”

“I wanted to do something nice before you go.”

“You did this for me?” Bertolt looked down and picked at his shirt. “I should go change.”

“No, don’t. You look great.” He pulled Bertolt back to him, hands on his sides. 

“But you’re all dressed up,” he protested weakly, leaning into the touch and running his fingers over Reiner’s collar.

“So?”

Bertolt was staring at him, fingertips moving to brush his jaw. He was coming in for a kiss. Reiner hummed when their lips met, his own grin ruining the seal. 

“I made your favorite.”

“What’s my favorite?” Berotlt’s curious expression was so sincere, Reiner thought he could burst from how cute he was. It would be like him to not even notice his own favorite food. He only ordered it all the time at Maria’s.

“Tendies, obviously. With a side salad, you vegetable loving weirdo.”

Bertolt’s laugh caught him off guard.

“A candlelit dinner? For chicken tenders?”

“And salad.”

Reiner spent all of dinner missing him ahead of time. The way Bertolt laughed when it was the two of them, even at his dumb jokes. Or how he sorted his food out into categories and ate them one at a time. And then he was accusing Reiner of being a romantic. Was that such a bad thing?

Bertolt slid his plate back. “Alright, chef. I don’t think I can handle dessert.”

“I know.” He smiled, unsurprised, “It’s too late for you.”

“I just think sweets are better in the morning with coffee.”

Not that he ate that many sweets at all. Still.

“That’s why I’ve already made you muffins to take to the airport.”

Bertolt’s face went soft and he stared at Reiner.

“You’re so sweet,” he said quietly. 

“No, just…” Reiner steeled himself. He was sure, but it was still scary to verbalize it. It was the whole reason he had put on this dinner. 

“Bertolt, I…” Why was it so hard? 

Because what if he didn’t feel the same way? But, for some reason, Reiner thought he _did_. And he wanted him to know before he left. 

“I love you.” 

There. It was out, in the open. He had spent weeks debating if it was too soon or too weird to say and damn it he was tired of worrying about it. Every time he worried it was over nothing, so why not just do it?

Bertolt’s silent, wide-eyed stare made him second guess if it had been the right thing. He waited, not knowing what else he would possibly follow that up with and hoping desperately that they were on the same page. 

A tear escaped down Bertolt’s cheek. Had he really fucked up that badly?

“Wait, I’m sorry. Don’t cry. What’s wrong?” 

Reiner covered his hands, all balled up on the table, with his own. Eyes still wet, but no new tears appearing, Bertolt’s lips curved up. 

“Sorry,” he choked out. “I’m sorry, you probably think I’m a crazy person. I just didn’t expect that, you know? Like, I can’t even remember the last time I’ve heard that.”

Bertolt lifted both pairs of hands, pressing his wet face into them with a short laugh and a shake of his head. A wave of sadness went through him. Bertolt deserved to have that from someone. From anyone. Reiner had it from his family, and although it might not be the same, it was love still.

But that didn’t matter right now. They were standing. He was holding Bertolt in his arms, determined to give him whatever love he could communicate via hug. And kiss. Kisses. Soft, warm kisses. He brushed the stray tears from Bertolt’s cheeks with both his thumbs, cupping his face.

“I love you, too, Reiner,” Bertolt whispered, inches from him, eyes still closed.

“Stay the night?” Reiner asked. He might crumple if the answer was anything but yes. Then again, the lightness that migrated all the way down to his toes would have picked him back up. Bertolt loved him, too.

“Yes,” Bertolt answered, kissing him again and making his chest tighten.

He wasn’t sure where it was going, only that they were stumbling their way towards his bedroom. But he was ready, if that’s what it was. His stomach clenched, senses hazy all except for touch. 

His face was being grabbed this time, almost roughly. Not that he minded. In fact, he liked it very much. Bertolt’s eyes were a level of intense he had never seen, boring into him while fingers pressed into his cheeks and neck. A request was made of him.

“Say it again?”

Oh. His heart fluttered and his skin tingled. Of course.

“I love you.”

Bertolt’s eyes slid closed, but he was drawing Reiner in to a kiss that felt raw. His clothes were disappearing and his mind was racing at the unbuttoned Bertolt before him. There was a hunger to every touch. Had Bertolt been holding out on him?

Or perhaps their emotions were just running high. He did not care which because whatever it was, he wanted it. He wanted the way Bertolt was pushing him into the bed. The way his mouth wouldn’t let up on his. For the first time, he wasn’t pausing to ask what Reiner wanted to do, he was just doing. And Reiner ate every moment of it up, wanting it just as much. 

His hands were up Bertolt’s shirt, which was somehow still on, and his hips were grinding up. Who had invented pants, and why? When Bertolt wound a hand into his hair and tugged his head back, he moaned loud enough to worry about his neighbors. It was the only thing Bertolt ever did to him that was outright rough. To be fair, Reiner had begun requesting it at some point.

He rolled until Bertolt was on his back, panting. He wanted more of that, and he wanted something else, too. There was no time to worry about Bertolt’s shirt _or_ the neighbors. Reiner went straight for his pants, relishing the groan that came as he slid everything down at once. Patience was a foreign concept just then, so he dragged his tongue over him only once before taking Bertolt in. Sucking him off made Reiner so fucking excited every time. He himself was already pantsless, thankfully, and it took very little effort to transition the hand around Bertolt to himself. 

“God, _yes,”_ Bertolt sighed.

Being watched was nerve wracking, but so hot, too. No way were they going all the way tonight if he kept going like this.

And that was ok. They had all the time in the world to go there, no longer a question of ‘if,’ but ‘when.’ For now, all he wanted was to hear Bertolt lose it and he just couldn’t give a fuck after that.

Bertolt was definitely losing it. Deliciously, in fact, as the noises above Reiner turned to soft gasps. He was going to lose it, too if he wasn’t careful. Bertolt’s thighs were tensing and his hips rocked softly in response to Reiner’s mouth, and damn if that didn’t drive him crazy. 

He stopped just in time to hold Bertolt’s other hip, squeezing him gently through it and taking every last bit. Reiner had a thing for giving blow jobs apparently. At least, he definitely had a thing for blowing Bertolt. 

It didn’t last long before his back was on the bed and his boxers were disappearing. Although, Bertolt ought to be equally naked. It was only fair. He tugged at Bertolt’s shirt until it was peeled off and threw who knows where. 

“You always look at me like that,” Bertolt muttered, half smiling.

“Like what?”

“Like you’ve never seen me.”

He grinned and sat up, pushing his face into Bertolt’s chest.

“That’s cause you look just as good every time.”

Fingers trailed softly across his shoulder.

“Reiner, do you ever finger yourself?”

He let out a tiny, involuntary laugh. Something about coming out had seemed to smooth out some of his old hang ups and, well, his masturbation had been much improved since purchasing his first bottle of lube. 

Actually, it was more than just that; possibly an entire sexual awakening. Reiner had been fighting with himself between what he wanted and what he thought he should want. Except that he increasingly fantasized about being underneath Bertolt and who cares if he wasn’t a total top? 

“Yes,” was all he said, heart rate picking up. 

“Do you want me to?”

That made him lightheaded.

_“Yes.”_

“Do you want to shower?”

“I showered before you came,” he answered hazily. No harm in being prepared, right? Maybe he ought to double check, though. “But, uh, I think I’ll just go make sure.”

When he pulled back, Bertolt was looking at him with a teasing expression. 

“Had plans for tonight?”

He blushed. “You know, uh, just in case.” 

Bertolt smirked and gave him a kiss before climbing out of his lap so that he could slide out of bed and try to walk to the bathroom at a steady pace. He had expected, if he ever found himself with somebody, that sex would be awkward and clumsy for a while. That’s what people said, after all. 

It wasn’t that it hadn’t been clumsy occasionally, because it had. Like when he tried to be sexy and blow Bertolt in the shower after yoga class, but had slipped and bruised his shoulder on the edge of the tub. These showers were too small for the two of them anyway. Even Bertolt had managed to accidentally knee him once when they were making out. Even then, it had never been awkward. 

He could just chalk it up to Bertolt having experience, he supposed. Or was it because they had taken things slow ever since New Year’s? Sex had somehow gotten capped at oral for months and Reiner was surprised with just how okay with that he was. 

Until now.

Ok, he was overthinking it. He was ready to move forward, his asshole was very clean, and Bertolt was waiting to do to him something that he may or may not have been masturbating to the thought of for weeks. Yeah, so he had experienced nothing but pleasure in each of their rendezvous; what a silly thing to be worrying about. He dried off and padded back to his bedroom just as naked as he had left.

Bertolt grinned as soon as Reiner entered the room. In his hand was Reiner’s nearly empty bottle of lube which he must have found in the nightstand.

“Is there anything in here?” he teased, “Maybe I should’ve gotten you a going away present.”

Frankly, it would have been a very useful going away present. Reiner blushed, but still retorted,

“If anything, you owe it to me. It’s your fault.”

He climbed into the bed, propped up on one elbow, hand on Bertolt’s chest.

“My fault? You think about me?”

Duh. 

“Yeah, what else?”

“Oh. I think about you, too, you know.”

“That’s pretty hot.”

“I think you’re hot.”

Mm, damn. 

“Do you want to lay on your back or your stomach?”

“I want to see you,” he answered, rolling onto his back. Bertolt smiled at that and kissed his shoulder. Reiner twitched. 

“Excited?” Bertolt breathed into his ear, nibbling around the edges.

“Very.” Why lie? 

“You’ll tell me if-”

“I’ll tell you,” he said, cutting him off. If he was uncomfortable, if he was hurting, if he wanted to stop; he knew. As if Bertolt had ever made him any of those things. 

He was given a long, sweet kiss as a wet finger teased his entrance. A kiss which he had no choice but to break, a quiet, “Fuck,” falling slowly out of his mouth. He couldn’t help it. Bertolt cocked an eyebrow at him, but said nothing, only crawled his way down. 

Reiner groaned. If Bertolt planned to use his mouth at the same time, it would be over even faster than the first time he had gone down on him. 

Oh, who was he kidding? He still came pretty fast every time Bertolt laid his hands, or mouth, on him. 

However, Bertolt had plans to draw this out. And Reiner let him, as he melted into the mattress at every touch, anticipation flooding him. Just how long was Bertolt going to _nearly_ finger him? 

_Ah._

Was that sound in his head or out loud? Bertolt moved achingly slow. In, out; soft to the point of near torture. Bertolt had admitted once that he really enjoyed getting Reiner worked up. 

It would be cruel, except that it was so fucking good. 

“Please,” he whined, surprised to hear himself say it.

Oh, he got more alright. To top it off, Bertolt’s lips teased him. 

_Oh..._

Be careful what you wish for, huh? His head was spinning and now there were two fingers. Bertolt’s tongue was swirling around his tip in the best possible way when it hit him hard, making him shake and cry out. 

A low moan left his lips after that, as he was not quite able to manage any real words but still needed to express just how in the sky he felt. A shiver went up his spine when Bertolt’s fingers withdrew and he only wished it could have lasted longer.

“Can you, uh, hand me a tissue?”

Bertolt’s voice was slightly raspy.

“Hm? Yeah.” 

He forced his eyes to open, grabbing one from the table, but pausing when he finally took a look down. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled, a pulse of heat running through him.

Bertolt wiped the evidence from his cheek and nose, a teasing smile on his lips.

“I think you liked that.”

“Like you more.”

Bertolt was crawling back up to him.

“Thought you said you loved me?”

“I do.”

Lips. So soft. Tongue. Warm. No, where was he going?

“I’m gonna use the bathroom.”

Reiner somehow struggled his way to sitting up and tracked down his boxers. At least he would have him for the night. How was he supposed to spend three weeks apart after all this wonderful time together? 

As soon as he was back in the bed, Reiner pulled him to his body and buried his nose into his hair, trying to memorize every note.

“Is your alarm set?” 

“Mmhm.” 

“Are you falling asleep already?”

“Mm.”

He smiled into the back of his neck.

“Goodnight.” 

“Night.”


	18. Reconsider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I had like two chapters written ahead before now. The only problem is that they were so uninspiring that I gave myself my first real writer's block.
> 
> Now, instead of the original mushy, pining Reiner chapter I had, here's a mushy, coming to terms with his life, being told once again by a 14 year old, still slightly pining Reiner.

“Hey, I’m here!” Reiner called out from the entry hall, kicking his shoes off and hanging his keys as if he still lived here. It had been months, but felt strangely as if no time had passed at all. The front bench was the same as always, Gabi’s backpack hung there and probably would remain through the whole summer, and as he walked through the hall he could see that his horrendous excuse of an art project still hung there, clashing horribly with the ancient wallpaper.

He had changed, though. 

At the lack of response he shrugged and made his way to the kitchen to see about a glass of water. Something caught the corner of his eye: a hint of movement beyond the archway to the dining room. 

_Why didn’t they answer a second ago,_ he wondered, making his way over.

But, it was not at all anyone he would have expected to be sitting at their dining room table.

“Colt?”

“Hi, Reiner,” he replied, features anxious, fingers fiddling at the corner of one of the many sheets of paper surrounding him. 

“Is Falco with you,” he asked, it being his first guess at something logical to explain what was going on.

“No. Just me.”

“Oh. Where’s everyone else?”

“I’m not sure.” 

Colt would hardly make eye contact and Reiner felt wrong leaving him sitting alone like that again.

“Do you want something to drink? I’m going to get some water.”

“No, thank you.”

He returned, glass in hand, and took a seat next to Colt. What he would like to ask was “why are you here?,” but that might be rude. Instead, he went with,

“What’re you working on?”

“Um. Looking at colleges.”

Something tugged softly deep in his chest. Not envy… No… An idea that had been thought up in his head but recurred regularly in his body. Sometimes he felt it in his hands when he shelved a book at work, or manifested as a heavy, but exciting, weight in his stomach when he considered that perhaps it was not too late.

However, right now it was not about him.

“Any in particular?”

Colt shook his head, the picking at the paper turning into full blown mutilation. It was no longer a corner.

“Reiner?” Colt’s voice had dropped to the point he had to lean in to hear him. “What did your parents do? When you came out?”

This had to relate to why Colt Grice was here in their dining room, alone, right? Reiner cleared his throat and chose to answer as opposed to asking why he was being asked this.

“Well, it… It didn’t go so great at first. But, they came around. They’re really supportive now.”

The corner of the page finally ripped free, unable to withstand the twisting and crumpling any longer.

“I hate this,” Colt mumbled. 

Voices appeared in the front hall along with the sound of the door closing. Colt jumped and began haphazardly stacking all his pages. 

_If he’s here and he’s asking me about that…_ Reiner’s stomach sank. No, he was jumping to conclusions, that’s all. Then again, it wouldn’t be the first person he knew, would it? 

“Oh, Reiner, you’re here already.” His dad gave a warm smile. “Colt, any progress?”

Colt shrugged, a dark expression on his face. Reiner knew the tone his dad was using. Something was definitely wrong. 

“Gabi, can you start heating dinner up, please? Reiner, a word?”

He waited for the trademark groan from Gabi at anything to do with food preparation, but none came. She nodded, agreed, and walked right to the kitchen without so much as a sour glance. They walked by her, Reiner still staring in disbelief when she turned on the oven, face focused and not frowning. He made for the living room, but his dad shook his head.

“Let’s go to my study.”

Did he hear that right? His _study?_ What the hell was going on? The sinking feeling in his stomach was growing. The last time they had talked in there was… well, when was it? He followed through the wood door and perched on a leather chair. His dad did not sit down.

“You’re probably wondering why Colt is here.”

“A little, yeah.”

“He’s going to be staying with us a while. In your old room.”

This was unbelievable. The Grice’s were uptight, not heartless. Right? He met his dad’s gaze, surprised to see his eyes wet behind his glasses. A silent understanding passed. 

“They couldn’t,” he said, nearly a whisper.

“They did.” His dad’s voice was tight and rigid. “Did you know? That he was…?”

“No. I mean, not until just now. He asked me about, uh, well, about what it was like. When I told you.” 

The energy between them grew thicker.

“Reiner, I -” his voice broke. This was not like him at all. He collapsed into the leather chair opposite him. “I’m so sorry.”

Reiner stiffened uncomfortably to see tears escape and slide past the crow’s feet on the usually smiling eyes. Rolling right past the wrinkles from laughing and giving sermons and - and - anything but crying.

“Why? For taking in Colt? I think that’s really great. Not what happened, but that you’re -”

 _“No._ For not being better. Sooner. For _you_.” His dad took his hand and squeezed the life from it in a fit of emotion the likes of which Reiner had never, ever, witnessed from him. “I knew. I knew for so long and I didn’t do anything. You were the same age -”

His dad broke into a round of sobs that shook Reiner down to the core. All he could do was pat his hand, shocked senseless in the surreal moment. 

“No. No, I’m fine, dad. I’m fine.” 

At which he felt tears prick him, too. He was fine. Really. Simultaneously, he felt some last bite-sized chunk of bitterness fade like a thorn in his side he had never noticed. His dad had said months ago that he had known all this time and Reiner could not say why that was not good news. It still stung him with guilt that he had been upset by it in the first place, if he compared his situation to Colt or, who he repeatedly thought about on the subject, Bertolt.

“I love you so much,” his dad squeezed out, catching his breath and mopping his face with his sleeve. 

“I love you, too,” he answered quietly, “and I really am fine. Colt will be ok, I’m sure of it. Look at Bertolt, he’s doing pretty well, part-time owner of a studio and all that.”

But, Mr. Braun shook his head slowly and pushed his glasses back onto his face. This conversation would be over soon.

“It’s not my place to say, but… I don’t understand how anyone - Well, no, I won’t say if I shouldn’t. But, Reiner, I want you to know, your mother and I will always be here for you.”

“I know, dad.”

He did. He did know this time.

“Why don’t you go see if your sister needs help? I think I’ll stay here a moment.”

“Ok.”

Reiner left him like that, dry-eyed, but still red and puffy in the face, slumped in the chair. He wished he knew something better to say, or that he had even done the shoulder squeeze his dad always gave him when he needed it. Instead, he walked out and shut the door silently behind him. A mixture of long sought peace and deep unease made for a strange cocktail in his stomach. He was as free as he had ever hoped to be in himself, yet disturbed that any of this should have happened at all.

_If I could’ve just been straight -_

He cringed, instantly regretting that such a selfish thing had passed through his own mind. There was no could and there were no what-ifs. This is what was, and it would be the same regardless of who he wanted to fuck. Nothing about his sexuality would change the circumstances at hand for Colt or Bertolt.

Gabi was washing a few dishes, humming quietly to herself.

“Hey, where’s mom?” 

She set down a plate, answering him slowly.

“Upstairs, with Colt. They’re setting up your room. Or, his room, I guess.”

“Oh. Do you need any help with dinner?”

“No.”

She resumed her task, confirming undoubtedly that she was one of many not feeling so hot in the house that day. He leaned in closer and tried to study her face.

“Are you ok, Gabi?”

Gabi shook her head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she retorted. Her voice was sharp. “It’s just - just… it’s bullshit. That’s what.”

He resisted the urge to laugh at hearing the swear leave her mouth, despite the serious situation and even though she was one hundred percent correct in that observation.

She continued, on some kind of rant now.

“And I bet dad didn’t even tell you why they kicked him out, did he?” 

Reiner’s brows drew together. 

“Because he’s gay? Is there more?”

Gabi huffed. 

“No. Well, yes. But, dad didn’t tell you then why he came out, did he?”

“No… he didn’t.”

“It’s because of what he said this week. At church. I don’t know if dad even knows that what he said is the reason why. Falco told me. Before he stopped texting me altogether. That’s not the point, though. This week, he talked about acceptance. About you, Reiner. It was the most interesting Sunday in years, you know. Everyone was kind of freaking out, but in a good way. Except for Falco’s parents I guess. Falco told me that Colt figured if the pastor said it, they would listen.”

They shared a long pause. Gabi stared into the dissipating suds. 

“Falco’s not talking to you? You’ve been friends for years, haven’t you?”

“That’s what you got out of all this? And no, he’s not. But, I’m pretty sure it’s just cause of his parents. Even if Colt hadn’t come here, they’re not exactly fond of mom and dad now.”

“I’m really sorry, Gabi.”

He put his arm around her and gave a little squeeze. Tears threatened him to think that also meant Falco probably couldn’t talk to Colt either. They were so close, probably as close as him and Gabi. She must have seen the glimmer in his eyes.

“Don’t cry, Reiner. I know you’re soft under there, but I’ll see him at school and stuff. It sucks, like really bad, but there’s nothing we can do.”

“But, Colt. And Falco.”

“Yeah, I know.” She frowned and dried her hands. “It’ll work out, though, Something will work out.”

Reiner stared, shocked by her conviction.

“How do you know that, huh?” He couldn’t resist asking.

“I don’t know. It has to, right?”

Not necessarily, no. They were in a reality where kicking your own kid out over being gay was allowed. How his dad continued to find the faith in times like these, he just did not know or even try to know. It was such a small thing, he finally had come to realize. 

Bertolt was, well, incredible and Reiner was beyond happy to be with him, but as the dust began to settle after coming out, he was one more piece in an already very filled out puzzle of a life. A very special piece, of course, maybe even more than one. Still, Home was no less important to him and no less a part of his life. If anything, it was stronger than ever, despite moving out. 

That he was gay was starting to feel less and less important. He had worked it up all these years, living in fear and doubt, only to find out he was the same exact person before and after coming out. Still insecure, still a people pleaser, and still with all his own hopes and dreams and old dreams, too.

“Reiner? Why didn’t you go to college?”

Gabi startled him from his inner epiphany. 

“Hmm? Why are you asking?”

“Colt was working on college stuff earlier, so I was just wondering. Why didn’t you go? We never talked about it.”

Of course they hadn’t. He had been ashamed to the point of physical discomfort on the subject for at least a year. 

“I was scared,” he answered, the most honest answer he could give. It was even more honest than what he had told Bertolt, which had been true, but layered. In the end, this short explanation was the most accurate all by itself.

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He flashed her a smile. 

“Why don’t you go now?”

A question he had himself asked. There were plenty of reasons not to. And yet.

“I don’t know. I’ve got so much going on here.”

“Like, what? Are you kidding me? You work at the library and go to a bar every weekend.”

“With my _friends_. And what about Bertolt?”

“What about them? Or him? It’s only two hours away, jeez. Plus, it’s not like you’re married or whatever.”

“What if he doesn’t want to deal with the distance?”

“Then take him with you, Reiner. Or don’t. Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want you to do the things you want? And don’t tell me you don’t want to, because I know you do. You only don’t talk to me about things that upset you and you used to talk to me all the time about going before you didn’t.”

Damn, she was just on a whole thing today, wasn’t she?

“What’s gotten into you, B?”

“Everything! Life sucks, it’s not _fair.”_

A fit of laughter hit him out of nowhere and suddenly he was wheezing over the counter. At some point Gabi joined him, giggles falling from her, too. Why was that so fucking funny? God, she was something else sometimes. Life had never been fair, but to hear her say it the same exact way she did when she was eight and not allowed too much candy just had him in stitches for some reason. 

Or maybe he was just going crazy. Whichever it was, they needed it, and they laughed until they both slid down the cabinets, collapsing onto the floor together. 

-

It had been such a long day. 

“Annie, can I get another?”

“We’re not at the bar.”

“Mmnnn,” he groaned dramatically, pushing his glass back across the table. “I can’t believe I’m even thinking about it.”

“Another drink?” She still got up and poured two new ones.

“No, school. God, I feel like such a kid again.”

“Gabi’s right, you know.”

“I knoooow,” he drawled. This wasn’t the first time a few drinks with Annie had turned into him whining. It had been too long since they had hung out.

“Hey, don’t you have to pick up Bertolt on Sunday?”

“Yeah, why?” 

Oh fuck, she mixed a good margarita.

“You should go Saturday. Go see the campus. You’ve never actually been, have you?”

“Wha- No, no, no, I can’t do that.”

“Why not? Go see if you even like it then stay the night in the city. Take Gabi or something. You would have fun I bet. When’s the last time you did something for yourself?”

“Do stuff for myself all the time,” he protested lazily, trying desperately to remember a concrete example. “I got a pedicure.”

“That you got for _Gabi.”_

“And me! I had a good time. It was nice.”

“Just go, damn it. Go, for God’s sake, get out of this stupid town for two seconds. Just try it out, Reiner. You used to tell me all the time you were going to get out of here. So go see it at least.”

“Wouldn’t you miss me? If I left? And what about Bertolt? What if we break up?”

“Oh. My. God. It’s only two hours away.”

“That’s what Gabi said.”

He took a long drink of his marg. Half of it, in fact.

“I mean, honestly, by the time you actually went to school you guys would either still be together and moving in or some shit. Or, you would have broken up. You’re worrying about stuff that hasn’t even happened.”

“It’s in like two days. There won’t even be a hotel available I bet.”

Annie groaned and slammed her hand over her phone on the table. Alcohol brought out some kind of weird tiger mom side of her sometimes, one that she did extraordinarily well at hiding on the regular, and Reiner was feeling like this last margarita might have tipped the scale.

“Wanna bet? How’s this. If there is a half decent hotel, motel, whatever available, you are going to take your gay ass up there and then you’re going to bring your boyfriend home in the morning and you two can fuck all you want after that.”

He heated up all the way to his ears, sputtering on nothing.

“It’s not- we’re not. Ok, I’ll go. If you find something, I’ll go, ok?”

She looked up, one eyebrow cocked. 

“Are you telling me you aren’t fucking yet? Also,” she held her phone out, “here’s one. See, that was easy. And now I’m booking it and sending you the info so you have no choice now, and after you see how right Gabi and I both are, you’ll pay me back.”

He sank into the chair, nursing his glass at his lips without even taking a drink.

“Ok,” he mumbled, “thank you…”

“Mmhm. Seriously, though, you really haven’t yet?”

“Stop asking me about it, that’s so weird.”

“It’s not weird. It’s just sex.”

“You won’t even admit to when you’re dating someone and now you’re telling me it’s just sex?”

She was definitely seeing Marco at this point. He just could not for the life of him get her to say if it was serious or why she was so tight-lipped about it.

“Those are two very different things. Why haven’t you?”

“Just waiting for the right time, I guess.”

Annie rolled her eyes and drained the rest of her drink.

“What, you want a candlelit dinner and ‘I love you?’ first?”

He glanced away, blushing harder. 

“Did that,” he mumbled, “before he left.”

She sucked in her breath.

“You are such an old man. Next are you going to ask for his hand in marriage? Or maybe he would like to accompany you to the ball and -”

“Aw, c’mon, that’s not fair. He hasn’t made a move and what am I supposed to say? Fuck me up the ass, please?”

The awkward silence that followed inspired him to chug the second half of his own beverage.

“I didn’t need to know that,” she said dryly.

“Thought it was just sex,” he retorted. There wasn’t much pride to save now, anyway, might as well be frank after that.

“You know what? We’re going to watch an episode of something extra stupid, you pick, I don’t even care. Then, I’m going to go home and wash my brain out.”

“You brought it up.”

“And I’m genuinely sorry for that.”

When she _did_ leave, his brain was stuck on sex all the way. There was too much going on and a whole lot of sugar and liquor coursing through him, yet somehow his head at gotten firmly stuck at the ‘fuck me in the ass’ side of things. But Bertolt was hundreds of miles away.

Damn those yogis. Bertolt was probably twisted up in all sorts of positions that made his mouth water to imagine. The tingly memory of Bertolt’s fingers haunted him and his own hardly did the trick. 

Still, he chased it, frustratedly groaning, two fingers deep, in the shower. Bertolt loved him. The words replayed in his mind, spinning him in circles. Now he wanted Bertolt to make love to him. Too bad all he had was his own two hands. It was probably sappy and hopelessly needy, but it wasn’t his hands that he pictured as he got off in the hot water. No, it was a fantasy of Bertolt’s voice whispering into his ear. 

Also, he was picturing another part of him. What could he say? He was a horny, mushy mess, but he couldn’t bring himself to be upset about that because it felt so good to feel like this. 

He worked his fingers just a bit further while his remaining hand moved desperately. Yes.

“Bertolt,” he moaned into the cool tile, testing the way it sounded. He conjured Bertolt’s voice back into his mind, giving him his name, too. 

The whine that followed was less voluntary and more a result of the drunken, hot orgasm that had taken him _forever_ to get to thanks to the alcohol. He shook slightly, steading himself on the slippery shower wall, panting. Worth it. 

At some point, he was seriously going to have to ask Bertolt whether he would even want to top him. How did one go about that?

_Yes, it’s a beautiful day and oh, by the way, can we please have sex now because your virgin boyfriend wants be fucked?_

Whatever, that was tomorrow’s problem. Snug under the covers, he held the shirt he had not so sneakily snagged from Bertolt’s apartment to his nose. He had tried putting it on the first week, but it was so tight he feared ripping a seam in the night. So, it had become a fixture alongside his pillows like he was some sort of lovesick lunatic. Well, he sort of _was_ , wasn’t he? At this point only one spot even smelled remotely like Bertolt. 

He could use the spare key Bertolt had left him to go steal another, but he would see him in person soon enough. Which would be right after he finally went to tour the place which he had physically and emotionally avoided for years.

_I’m such a mess._


	19. Surprise

Bertolt forced his fingers to loosen their hold before they crushed the stems entirely. Did Reiner even like flowers? 

“Is it too much?” 

He had asked Armin this at least three times already. Armin’s sigh and pursed lips told him to stop asking. It was just, well, he had never done anything like this. 

“Stop worrying, he’ll love it.”

“Sorry. Thanks again for the ride. I know it’s late.”

“It’s no problem, really. I agreed to it.” Armin adjusted the radio. “Don’t you love NPR?”

Did anyone? Armin, apparently. Bertolt zoned out into the dark blurs outside the window. 

The first week had definitely been the most difficult. He had never spent so much time with his mat, let alone outdoors. Living with no electronics was the other part of the challenge. If you had asked him before he left if he was addicted to his phone, he would have said no with confidence. The ghost vibrations and constant urge to check for messages had said otherwise. 

The last three weeks had been just him, no air conditioning, and his fellow yogis. Levi had gone on this exact retreat a year prior and had insisted Bertolt attend this time, claiming it to be an irreplaceable experience.

It was irreplaceable alright. Hot, sweaty, and without the beautiful blonde that had staked a place in his heart. No doubt, there had been valuable self-reflection and discovery along the way. He had also seriously sharpened up his form and endurance, which Levi would be happy for. But, high off his ass, in the middle of nowhere, and on a final meditation of “self-exploration” two days ago, he had spent a whole lot of it thinking about Reiner. 

Also, these little experiences really explained why Levi had looked so relaxed when he returned from the retreat last year…

When he was a kid, leaving home was always something to look forward to. Now, for once, he was looking forward to going back. He wanted to stay the night with Reiner again, drowned in his blankets. The handful of times he had stayed over, he slept so much better in Reiner’s bed, even waking up with his head actually on a pillow the morning he had left. 

The same morning that Reiner had packed him a muffin and coffee and dropped him off at the airport with a long hug. The morning after the furthest they had ever gone. It was a shame they hadn’t discussed ass play _before_ Reiner had gone down on him. Then again, it was really, really hot the way he had eagerly taken him in.

“You awake?” Armin’s voice startled him back to reality.

“Huh? Yeah, sorry, just thinking.”

“We’re here.”

So they were. His pulse picked up all over again, one hand clenched around the bouquet and the other itching at his thigh. 

“Thanks.”

“Go,” Armin prodded, smiling.

“Ok. Thank you.” He climbed out of the car, leaning into the backseat after collecting his duffle. “Goodnight.”

“Night.”

Then it was just him and the crickets who were beginning to come out again with the warming season. The night was chilly, but thankfully not cold, and he would bet tomorrow would be a nice day. Reiner’s car was not in its usual spot and that made him nervous, but, no, he probably just parked somewhere else today. Right?

The walk was impossibly long for something so short and he found himself hesitating at the door, key in hand. When they had traded keys in the name of convenience and imagined emergencies, he had gotten a dose of anxiety followed by an impossible warmth at the new level of intimacy. 

Would Reiner be awake? Or would he be passed out entirely? A faint sound on the other side made his hand freeze, inches from the handle. Was that?

It definitely was. Unbelievable, yet unmistakable, on the other side of that door, someone was either seriously getting it on or watching an incredibly loud movie. But Reiner never turned the TV up that far. Now he was shaking, tears already welling up. He wouldn’t, would he? 

Would he?

Every muscle in his body wanted to run, but some part of his brain refused to let him do anything but turn the lock over and walk right in. The glimpse of blonde almost sent him right back out the door, except that something was not quite right. 

Reiner did not have boobs. 

He slapped his hands over his eyes and spun around, but it was far too late. Here? Why here? Marco? God, it was going to take weeks to erase this from his psyche. Reiner couldn’t possibly be home, could he? Oh God, _could he?_ There was scrambling behind him and a stuttering Marco.

“S-sorry! We didn’t-”

Annie cut him off,

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“Me? What are _you_ doing here? Where’s Reiner?”

“Reiner is - he - he’s supposed to be picking up _you!”_ Her voice was unusually strained.

“But I don’t get back until tomorrow!”

“You’re literally in front of us, what are you talking about? And turn around!”

He finally did, slowly lowering his fingers and peeking to confirm their state of dress.

“Where’s Reiner?” He surprised himself with the level of demand in his tone.

She lowered her voice. “He’s in the city. I - we - Gabi and I, we convinced him to go. I… you were going to surprise him, weren’t you?” 

Annie motioned loosely to the flowers in Bertolt’s hand. He had never imagined he would find her looking so apologetic. 

“Yeah. But, convinced him to go where?”

“To see the university. He never went, you know, and he keeps thinking about going back, so I told him he should go see it. I’m sorry.” 

“Oh. Wow, thats… wow.” His fingers found themselves pushing his hair from his forehead while disappointment hit him.

That was great. Like, really great. A sense of pride crawled alongside the infinite let down of ruined plans. It would have been such a good surprise. Now, not only was his surprise ruined, he also had to wait until the morning, possibly even the afternoon to see him. Add to that, he was going to have to call him and tell him that his pickup services were no longer needed.

Damn. That was going to suck.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m fine. It’s just kind of a lot. Honestly, I’m just going to go home. I’ll see you both later. Or something.”

He slumped back to his apartment with no more of a goodbye than that, finding no room to either feel guilty for his brevity or to even care why they were there having sex in the first place. It was weird, and he was definitely telling Reiner as soon as he saw him, but for now he was sinking into his couch and fighting a growing ball of anxiety. 

If Reiner really was thinking about it, what was that going to mean for them? He picked listlessly at his jeans. Whatever it meant, Bertolt would encourage him. How could he not? He just really hoped it didn’t mean that what they had was going to have an expiration date. But, he had promised himself that he wanted whatever he could have, even if his chest felt heavy and his breathing ticked a bit faster. Because there was no turning back and he wouldn’t want to turn back. This time, he would simply have to not worry. Live in the moment.

That was not exactly his forte. 

He would have to try anyway. For the moment, though, if he didn’t occupy himself, he was going to get really, really bummed out. His keys hung tempting by the door and he knew that might help. He had always liked a quiet, night time drive to clear his head. It was not like he had anything better to do. 

The air was cool, but dry, so he zipped up his hoodie and abandoned his empty apartment without a second thought. Cranking the window down in the truck was a chore, not to mention keeping the old thing up altogether. For some reason he loved the thing. It had been his first taste of freedom and one of the few places he really had to himself for so many years. 

He never told Reiner that he was one of the first people he had invited to ride in it. Somehow, he had managed to dodge ever giving a lift to anyone he dated in college. Dating might be a strong word in some of those cases. Either way, it was kind of his personal space. So many nights had been spent all by himself in here, driving around, working on it, or even just curled up in his own backseat, parked. Thinking. Crying. Whatever the situation called for.

This wasn’t one of _those_ nights, though. Tonight was clear and downright pleasant and if he was not feeling so melancholy, it would be really, really nice. Instead, he felt in between. Caught, where on one side he could imagine Reiner coming to visit him on the weekends. His breath quickened at the slim, but not impossible, chance that he could go back. Would it really work out like that? It would be amazing to live in the city again. He could eat sushi without having to drive hours for it or be able to go to a gay bar that wasn’t an ordeal of a drive to get to. 

On the other side the ball of anxiety grew. He couldn’t just leave the studio. When he came back here, there was honestly no reason except that he didn’t know what else to do and couldn’t make up his mind. Now, however, he was in on the business with Levi and Petra and he genuinely did love his job. 

The worst possibility loomed in the center of that ball in his stomach. It was a scenario he half expected some days, brought suddenly closer. A nagging fear that one day Reiner would wake up and realize he could do so much better than someone like him. He had said he loved him, but… what was love in comparison to a bright future? This was new love, tender love, _fragile_ love. And did he really, or was it because Bertolt was his first relationship?

No, he shouldn’t think like that. After all, it was his first real relationship, too, was it not? Did that mean he had not meant it when he had said he loved Reiner, too? He frowned. No, he could not have been more serious about that. Whatever it was, fresh as it may be, it was different than anything he had ever felt for somebody else.

Besides, there was time. Plenty of time. No one had made any kind of decisions yet and it was not like Reiner would leave tomorrow even if he did go. Yes, he was just going to have to relax. Go with the flow. Maybe he ought to listen to his own advice from class more often.

Dim lights coupled with the truck headlights barely made a dent on the darkness of the country road. Only in a place like this could you be a mile or two from the center of town and feel as if you were nowhere. Sometimes it was like he belonged here. Is that why he had come back? 

“What the…?” he muttered to himself, all other trains of thought suddenly on the back burner.

A dark figure walked slowly along the shoulder. What would anyone be doing out here? Maybe if he was on the other side of town, near his mom’s place, then it might not be so out of place. But, there really was not much out on this side, only a few stray houses, and this long and empty road that led to the main highway.

It was a girl. A young girl, it seemed, and as he rolled to a near stop to see if she was ok, so did time. It couldn’t be.


	20. Gabi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will allude to past self harm. There are no details, but I still wanted to give a heads up. Just in case.

“Gabi, you shouldn’t be here.”

“Relax, I won’t get caught,” she assured. 

She was not sure. Falco was clearly on the fence and she knew he was not above turning her away in the name of responsibility. He stepped back from the window. His curiosity must have won out.

“What are you doing?” he whispered. His voice was so much deeper this year and it still caught her off guard sometimes.

“I’m visiting you. Obviously.” She kept her voice equally low. 

“How did you get here?”

They sat right there on his floor, staring for a moment.

“I came from Kaya’s. My parents think I’m staying the night there.”

“And aren’t you? You can’t stay here.” 

There was a note of panic in his voice, as if she was reckless enough to pull something like that. Of course, she had shown up on the tree outside his window in the middle of the night, so could she really blame him?

“I know that, Falco. I wanted to see you. I’ll go back soon.”

“Oh. I, uh. I want to see you, too. But, we would have seen each other at school.”

“That’s like two days away. And, I don’t know, I was worried after everything. Are you ok?”

He picked at pieces of carpet and looked into his lap.

“Fine. Is,” his face tipped abruptly back towards her, “Colt ok?”

How did she answer that? Physically, he was there. Or so she assumed. He had stayed in Reiner’s room ever since dinner the night before. Mom said not to disturb him, but she had half a mind to ignore that if he didn’t come out tomorrow. Her long pause was more than enough of an answer.

“Kinda crazy, huh?” The glare he gave the floor did not match the soft tone he was using. “I mean, your parents practically run the church and they’re ok with Reiner. But I’m not even going to see my brother anymore.”

It was something they had shared for so long: their closeted brothers. Now it was something else. Reiner could not be more accepted by their mom and dad if he tried. He might have taken a while to figure that out, but Gabi had always known it would be fine. Their parents would never have kicked him out. Yeah, dad had to get over the no daughter-in-law thing, but he seemed to be getting along just fine on that front. Actually, they kind of adored Bertolt. It was all pretty cute even if it made her roll her eyes when Reiner looked at him all gooey and stuff when he came to dinner. 

Not Colt. There was nothing gooey about it, just sick.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

Falco’s hand fell on top of hers and for a second she might’ve shorted out. 

“Gabi?”

“Y-yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

She half expected him to pull away, but he didn’t. His hand stayed put and curled partially around her fingers. This was definitely a heart attack she was having. 

“I like you,” he said softly into the dark room. 

The only light was from a street lamp outside. A humid breeze stirred her hair and nearly cooled her skin.

“I’ll look out for Colt. I promise. Reiner will, too. I was thinking, he could pick me up from school and you can see him then.”

She could hear her pulse in her ears, scared to say the other part.

“Thank you… What about the… the other thing?”

No, it felt too weird to say. She couldn’t. So instead, when he turned his head, she just did it. It was a blur and the only sound she heard was a startled ‘hm.’ That was it. 

The next sounds were feet in the hallway and the panic of their shuffling. She pushed Falco towards his bed before he tried to help her or give her away by standing at the window. One second she was closing it behind her, the next her foot was on the wide branch.

And then it wasn’t. Her unceremonious crash left her winded and with a shooting pain. Something else took over her. The pain was somewhere else where she could hardly feel it and she thought she was going to puke when she saw Falco’s bedroom light turn on. Like a deer, the light froze her in place. It passed and before she could think she was on her feet.

After a few blocks she dared to slow down, a terrible throbbing registering now to her brain. That did not feel right at all. Just when she thought it could not possibly get worse she pulled out her phone. 

Dead. 

Her phone was absolutely dead. She probably was, too.

Not literally. Just going to get killed by mom and dad was all. The drizzle that was very slowly, but very successfully, soaking through her clothes was not helping in the slightest. She had been stupid on about a million various levels throughout her life, but this probably took the cake. 

Her arm made her grit her teeth. At least she hadn’t gotten caught by Mrs. Grice. On the other hand she was, again, so dead. Reiner would not even take her side on this one. He would be pissed to find out that she had endangered herself in the middle of the night. It was also entirely possible that her arm was broken. Why was it always trees?

She closed her eyes for a brief moment and her heart leapt. First kiss. Gabi had traded her left arm and probably a month’s worth of freedom at _least_ for this whole thing.

Her heart sank back down. Tonight had always been a risk of a plan and then things had really not gone according to plan. She was a couple miles away from the Blouse’s. It had seemed a lot closer when she was cheerily power walking towards Falco’s. She could have run a good chunk of the distance and made it easily probably except for the incredible pain that was all the way up her shoulder. 

_Stupid_.

She was definitely going to be busted by her parents regardless. Of course, none of this reasonable thinking had occurred to her a little over an hour ago when she set out. There was no explaining away this arm. The hole was dug, as her mom would say.

On the bright side, it wasn’t winter.

 _Yes, it was worth it._

Besides, she had just been telling Kaya how she had no stories of being a dumb teenager yet, so there was that. 

_Or not,_ she amended, heart suddenly pounding to see her shadow long in front of her and hear the slowing of wheels on pavement. Is this really how it happens? Oh god was she, like, for real dead?

“Gabi?” 

Her head was still trying to catch up to her rabbit pulse when she realized with a heap of relief that the driver was not a stranger. He peered curiously at her from the open window, taking her in. She probably looked crazy out here. Bertolt was moving, sliding out of the truck, coming to crouch in front of her.

“What are you doing out here? Are you ok?”

“I’m ok. Sort of. I think my arm is broken. Do you think I could get a ride?”

Bertolt gave her a stern look. Wow, who knew he could make a face like that?

“Of course I am. Call your mom and dad.”

“Well, um, my phone is dead.”

“Use mine,” he said, opening the passenger door.

“I, uh, don’t know their numbers by heart,” she admitted. Reiner had been reaming her for ages to memorize at least one or even the house phone. She had known it at one point a long time ago, but it truly escaped her now.

“Ohmygod,” Bertolt muttered in a huff. He paused, thinking, then glancing at her again. “Ok… We’ll go to the hospital. They can call them. Here, let’s go.”

He offered her his arm. She hesitated, wondering how much help he was going to be really, but accepted anyway. He was stronger than she had thought, half lifting her when she began to lose her balance. The relief of sitting washed over her whole body, only causing the pain in her arm to stand out worse. Why did she ever think this was a good idea?

When Bertolt shut his own door he did not drive right away.

“What are you _doing_ out here?”

Well, she might as well tell him. There was no coming back from this so why bother trying to cover it up? It would never get back to the Grices, so what did it matter anymore?

“Ok, so I went to see my… friend. But I wasn’t supposed to be there. And his mom -” Oops. She paused, blushing. She hadn’t meant to tell him that part. The corner of his mouth twitched. “I fell out the window,” she muttered.

“You went to see a boy?”

“Yeah.”

“And you were going to, what, walk all the way back to your house?”

He was not doing a good job at hiding his amusement. Now that he said it out loud, even she had to admit it was a pretty bad idea all around. 

“No. Yes. I mean, yes a boy, but no I was going back to Kaya’s. I mean, the Blouses.” 

He knew Sasha didn’t he? She shivered unexpectedly. The chill was catching up to her now that her heart was not pounding and the hot feeling of panic was fading from her skin.

“Reiner…” Bertolt didn’t finish that thought. He didn’t have to. Reiner was going to completely freak and that was a fact.

“Yeah.”

He sighed, shook his head slightly, and shrugged out of his hoodie.

“At least you’re ok,” he said and offered her the jacket. She took it without protest.

“Ye- Hey, wait a second. What are you doing here? I thought you were out of town? Isn’t Reiner supposed to pick you up tomorrow?”

“That’s a long story.”

“I told you mine.”

Bertolt chuckled. 

“Alright. I was going to surprise him.”

That was so, so cute. Oh, but…

“He’s not here though.”

“I figured that out,” he breathed.

“And why are you driving around so late?”

“Just felt like it.”

That kind of freedom must be nice. Why couldn’t she be older already? A bump rattled her and she let out a squeak.

“I’m sorry. We’re almost there.”

The way he spoke was soothing. She was suddenly very glad that he had found her as they pulled into a spot. 

“Bertolt?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. And… can you please help me down?”

“Yeah,” he said, giving her a comforting smile and sliding out.

He was warm and surprisingly solid, picking her up and lowering her to the ground with no indication of strain. The comfort of it made her feel like crying. Like she was crashing from her panic induced high and reality was setting in. They picked their way around a few cars and walked into a blindingly white reception area. 

Emergency Room. That’s what the sign said. She groaned internally and wished she could say this was the first time. The very bored looking receptionist glanced over them, not a hint of surprise in her face.

“Um, do you think we could please get the phone number for her emergency contact?”

Bertolt motioned to Gabi and gave a nice smile to the woman.

“You’re not related?”

They shared an incredulous look before Gabi let out a short laugh.

“No, he’s my brother’s boyfriend.”

The woman paused. She was giving Bertolt a dirty look that made Gabi immediately regret saying that.

“Name?” She asked coldly. A clipboard was shoved their way.

“Gabi Braun.”

However, they were not given any phone numbers. She began dialing behind the counter after some aggressive typing had taken place. 

“Hello? Ah, yes, Mrs. Braun.”

Gabi got distracted by a familiar voice and turned from the front desk.

“Gabi?” Grisha shook his head, brow raised.

“Oh. Hi, Dr. Yeager.”

He glanced over her and his eyes landed knowingly where she clutched her left arm to her chest. 

“Took a fall?” he asked calmly, silently noting Bertolt behind her. “Are you parents on their way?”

“I think so.”

“Yes, Dr. Yeager, they are,” the receptionist said loud and clear.

Her stomach dropped at the news.

“Here, I’ll take you back and get you in a room. We’ll do the paperwork in a minute.”

“But, doctor,” the woman protested.

“It’s alright. There are plenty of open beds, Nanaba can do her intake. It’s not like much is going on tonight.”

The waiting room was empty after all.

“Wait, can’t Bertolt come?” She didn’t want to be alone. 

“Sure, that won’t be a problem.”

“Doctor, he isn’t family -”

“Yes, I know, it’s alright.”

Bertolt gave Grisha a thankful smile and trailed after them down the hall and into the elevator.

“Now, Gabi, that’s not the same arm from a few years ago is it?”

“No, sir. That was my other arm.”

“And what might’ve happened this time? Another tree climb gone wrong?”

Man, he had a good memory.

“Sort of. With a window.”

“A window? Wait, let me guess. Would this by any chance have to do with a boy?”

“Yes,” she said reluctantly. He was good.

Grisha smiled fondly, walked off the elevator, and said, “You remind me of my son when he was your age. I don’t suppose you’ve met Eren? He was in Bertolt and Reiner’s class.”

She thought she heard Bertolt snort softly behind them.

“I think so, I’m not sure.”

“Mm, well, no matter. Here, this will do.”

They slipped into a room and she hissed when Dr. Yeager took her left hand and lifted her arm slightly. He tsk’d at her.

“One moment, I’ve got to go find Nanaba. We’ll talk x-rays when your parents get here.”

She and Bertolt both sat down facing the empty hospital bed from their armchairs.

“Do you want to call Reiner,” he asked quietly.

“Um. I can tell him in the morning.”

“Is that a good idea?”

Jeez, Bertolt was right. He would just be mad that he didn’t know right away.

“Can I use your phone, please?”

He held it out to her, already on Reiner’s contact. 

“Oh, wait, Gabi,” he interrupted, right before she hit dial, “he doesn’t know I’m back. I was going to tell him in the morning…”

“Hypocrite,” she accused. 

Bertolt seemed taken aback, but suddenly broke into a grin. 

“Yeah, I guess so. Sorry. Want me to call first?”

She nodded and handed the phone back, not about to catch the heat for his boyfriend, too. Her thing was plenty bad all on its own. Bertolt cleared his throat and nervously picked at his fraying jeans. She knew when Reiner picked up because his eyes slid closed and his fingers stilled.

“Hey. Yeah - no. Well, see - Actually, no, I’m at the hospital. Um, well, Gabi broke her arm -”

He held the phone from his ear and Gabi heard the tiny _‘what?’_ from three feet away. She held her good hand out and Bertolt gave it to her with a deflated expression on his face.

“Uh, hey.”

“Gabi, what is going on? It’s nearly one in the morning. Why is Bertolt - no, how - no -”

“Calm down, I’ll tell you, ok? I’m sorry. Just, like, Bertolt kind of rescued me so don’t be mad, ok?”

“I’m not mad, I’m worried! I’m coming home right now.”

She knew better than to argue when he was like this. That didn’t stop her.

“Reiner, I’m fine.”

“People who are fine don’t go to the hospital.”

“Mom and dad are coming, why don’t you come home in the morning? I’ve broken an arm before.”

Was he really groaning over there?

“No, I’m coming now. Besides, _apparently_ I don’t have to pick up Bertolt.”

“Wait,” she said before he could hang up in a huff.

“What?”

“Did you like it? Your visit? How was it?”

“I - it was fine. I’ll see you soon, ok? Bye.” 

“Ah, crap,” she said as soon as the line went dead, “Kaya must be freaking out.”

“Here, I can call Sasha.” 

Bertolt held his hand out and she gave the phone back with a nod. Great, the Blouses can now be added to the list of people that would be disappointed in her. This sucked exponentially. She half listened as he explained over the phone why Gabi had never returned to their house and was not answering any texts or calls. 

The sound of her mom’s voice in the hall sent her stomach into its tightest twist yet. 

“And he brought her here?”

“Yes, right this way, follow me.”

Dr. Yeager pushed the wide door open, holding it for her parents who were rushing in. They had gotten here way fast and normally she might say something about speeding, but she did not exactly have room to talk about anything.

“Gabi,” was all her mom said, rushing to fret over her. 

Her hair was getting smoothed across her face with a flurry of “oh’s” and clucking type noises. However, her dad was the first one to actually pay attention to the quiet figure still tucked away in one of the chairs. 

“Bertolt.”

From the corner of her eye she saw him stand, flatten his shirt out and extend a hand for a polite shake. His face screwed up in confusion when her dad went right in for a tight hug. At first he looked like he had no idea what to do, like hugs were a foreign concept to him, arms held awkwardly in the air for a couple seconds before lowering tentatively to return the gesture. Her mom abandoned her worrying briefly.

“Yes, thank you,” she said emphatically, taking her turn at a suffocating hug that clearly left Bertolt unsure how to proceed afterwards.

The niceties were coming to a draw, unfortunately, as her dad turned to her.

“Gabi, what is going on? What happened?” 

You know what? They got over Reiner, didn’t they? Surely they would get over this. Eventually.

 _A bandaid,_ she thought, _Like a bandaid._

She cleared her throat. 

“I left Kaya’s. And went to the Grice’s.”

The looks of bewilderment from her parents would have been priceless. If they hadn’t been trained on her, that is.

“I, uh. I went to see Falco. There’s this big tree by his window,” something clicked in both their faces, causing her to pause slightly, “I just wanted to say hi. And see if he was ok. But, uh, his mom was coming and that’s when I, um, fell out the window.”

Reiner probably would have called her crazy for being so upfront about it all. The thing was, she never had much energy for secrets and the bigger the story the more it would have grated on her. Reiner being closeted had been hard enough to deal with as it was. 

“Gabi, be honest, were you fooling around?”

Her dad was stern, and she could understand why. It was a fair question, and she hoped he would believe her, because truthfully until this very moment that kind of thing had not even crossed her mind. Even the kiss, which she deemed within her rights to be a piece of information worth withholding, was unplanned and at her limits. 

“No. I promise. We talked about Colt, mostly.”

Worried looks were exchanged and her dad sighed.

“I’m sorry. I know this is really hard right now, but you can’t just go sneaking around in the night. You broke your arm and - and imagine if Bertolt hadn’t picked you up? What if something had happened to you?” 

He took her right hand and she caught a look of total fear in his eyes that made her shiver.

“Gabi, why didn’t you call us instead?” 

Her mom’s gaze flicked between her and Bertolt who was rising from his seat.

“My phone died. I didn’t call anyone. I was walking back to Kaya’s and then Bertolt pulled up.”

They both looked at him in greater disbelief. He shrugged, arms crossed uncomfortably.

“I was out for a drive.” 

He stepped closer to the door, eyeing it. Her parents were looking at each other now, not registering his inching away.

“You don’t want to wait for Reiner?” She blurted out.

“I’m sure Bertolt’s very tired,” her mom supplied, finally noticing his retreat.

He hesitated. “I don’t want to intrude.”

Gabi was not sure why she wanted him to stay. It was probably selfish of her. They made eye contact and she attempted to telepathically communicate that he should not leave. Please.

Her mom turned and gave a tired smile. “You’re not intruding in the least, dear.”

Bertolt hesitated, but then nodded and slowly rounded back to the only free chair left in the room, sliding it slightly out of its corner. 

-

“Jello?” she offered, holding it out.

Bertolt looked over from his chair that he had somehow pretzled himself into completely without a single limb poking out. He didn’t talk much, but she liked his company all the same. Old cartoons played quietly on the TV and her arm felt falsely alright thanks to something the nurse named Nanaba had given her.

“You don’t want it?” He eyed it and she knew he did.

“Nah. I think jello’s gross.”

“Ok,” he conceded, taking a bite the second he accepted the cup and spoon from her. “Processed food,” he mumbled to himself. 

“Reiner should be here any minute.”

“Mm,” he acknowledged through a mouthful of jello.

“Thanks for keeping me company.”

“Oh. No problem. I don’t mind. Thanks for the jello.”

Gabi liked how calm Bertolt was and she hoped it would all work out for her brother. Reiner could be a little up and down at times; all or nothing. Maybe he would even him out a bit? Then again, he had evened out plenty, especially lately. Even before Bertolt. It was not at all like when they were younger.

She cringed inside, thinking back a few years and worried all over again for Colt, too. Reiner had spent so much time in his room that summer. It was a vague memory for her already, but it was like there was this chunk of time that felt gray. Could you feel color? That was that summer, if you could. That time might not be crystal clear in her mind, but she would never forget that one night. 

His door had been locked for the thousandth time since his graduation and he had been weirdly quiet all day. So, she had picked it after everyone went to bed with that funny stick tool thing they kept in a table in the hall. She just wanted to see him. It scared the life out of a red-eyed Reiner when she appeared at his bed. She had been too young to understand then. 

He had slapped one hand on his arm, eyes wide, and rushed to the restroom in a flurry. There was still the faintest mark on his left forearm. It was the only evidence to support her theory of what had nearly taken place. She had looked for it a few days ago at dinner, reminded of that time by the way Colt started listlessly into his food.

Their parents had thought it was weird that she had crawled into bed with Reiner that night and some nights after, how many she could not say. She knew she could make him smile if he would just spend time with her. He had not argued when she dragged her blanky and pillow in, a nine year old annoyingly invading his space no doubt. No, he had only patted the bed and let her fall asleep there each time. 

Gabi wouldn’t mind having that old, worn-out blanky with her right about now. Or her brother.


	21. Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think "fluff-smut" would be a fitting term here.

The first two people Reiner saw were his parents. They were huddled on some chairs outside the elevator and obviously deep in discussion. He drained the last of his coffee and chucked the cup in the nearest can.

“Mom. Dad,” he said, announcing his approach.

“Reiner. Good to see you. How was your drive?”

“Dark. Where’s Gabi?”

They both pointed to a door across the hall and he went straight for it while they resumed their hushed debate.

Gabi was propped up in the hospital bed with her arm in a sling. She was half-wrapped in an oversized jacket that he recognized and whose owner was curled up into a chair next to the bed. Bertolt had tucked himself into it entirely, knees nearly to his chin, and smiled the moment he noticed Reiner. Gabi smiled, too, but in more of a ‘please don’t yell’ kind of way.

Smile turning to something more serious, she held eye contact and patted the bed beside her. She could not be serious, could she? They would never fit in that thing together. Gabi scooted over to make more room and gave him a pleading look.

“Ok,” he said reluctantly.

Bertolt watched with curiosity as he wedged himself into the hospital bed. There was so much he wanted to say to him. Like, ‘I missed you,’ or, ‘holy shit, I fucking missed you.’ Instead they shared another quiet smile before Bertolt unfolded himself from the chair.

“I’ll be right back,” he explained, “It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you, too,” Reiner replied, not missing the way Bertolt grinned even wider as he stepped from the room. 

“Ok, Gabi, what’s going on?” 

Well, he expected her to stall. Instead she threw her face against his chest as much as was possible considering her arm. The door swung open and a woman with blonde hair took one look at them and then went right back out.

In a choppy, occasionally teary fashion Gabi recounted the events of her evening. As much as he hated that she had done something so reckless, a part of him understood completely. The tears didn’t really last. She let out a funny little giggle.

“But,” she whispered, “he likes me.”

He chuckled and shook his head. Ridiculous. It was all just ridiculous. At the same time, a tiny feeling of fear pricked him. It was a matter of time before she was doing things like holding hands and going to dances and, even worse, things like -

“We kissed,” she added nervously.

Reiner sighed. Like _that_. She was growing up so fast. He had already been thinking about that with her birthday around the corner, but it stung bittersweet now. He was proud of her and he knew she would do fine. No, she would do great. 

“Just, be careful, ok? Promise me.”

She snorted and sat up. 

“I knew you’d say that.”

What was he supposed to do when she didn’t need him anymore? Because she really didn’t. 

What if he still needed her? How was he supposed to stay on track without her nosing around in his business and talking sense into him all the time? 

Would he fall apart again?

Bertolt wandered back into the room. His timing seemed too good to be a coincidence, but Reiner was grateful to have had the time with Gabi by whatever means. Their eyes locked and he had no idea what to say. How did he even start to thank him? The only thing he knew for sure was that he wanted to keep him in his life. 

His arm tightened briefly around her.

-

It was nearly four in the morning and Bertolt was hesitating at his door. They hadn’t talked much and Reiner was dying to keep him around. He still could not believe what had happened with Gabi and was doing his best to shove it from his consciousness. There were things he couldn’t bear to remember. 

“Will you come in?”

Bertolt nodded enthusiastically then froze.

“We should knock.”

“Why would we knock?”

“Annie - Uh, she was here earlier.”

“Oh. That’s cool, I told her she could hang out here. Her dad’s been kind of on her ass lately.”

Bertolt cleared his throat. “With Marco. I,” he groaned, “walked in on them.”

Did he hear that right? In his apartment? Gross and what the hell, Annie? 

“Where?” he asked. Please not his bed, for the love of everything good. He hadn’t even had sex on his own bed yet for heaven’s sake.

“The couch.”

“We’ll burn it. It’s too small anyways.”

A clear laugh bubbled from Bertolt and he cuddled up to Reiner.

“I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too. A lot. I want to hear about your trip.”

“First, we should go inside.”

He raised his key then remembered Bertolt’s advice and gave two raps on the door. After no apparent activity from the inside they finally got into the thankfully empty apartment.

“Did you like the school?” Bertolt blurted out behind him.

“Oh. How did you know about that?” 

“Annie told me. When, uh, I came earlier.”

Wait, so why had he walked in on them in the first place? He still had not even had the chance to ask why he was back so soon.

“And how come you’re home early? And walking into my apartment?”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he mumbled at the floor, blushing.

Reiner’s chest tightened. For him? He closed the distance and cupped his jaw so that he could see his eyes.

“Hey. Remember what I told you before you left?”

“How could I forget?”

He kissed him long and soft, hands capturing either side of his face.

“I’m sorry I was gone,” he said.

“No, it’s ok. Really. I think it’s really great. Do you think you’re going to go?”

“I don’t know... You’re not upset?”

“No.” Bertolt brushed his fingers down Reiner’s arm, lips dangerously close. “Course not.”

Reiner took the opportunity to kiss him again. His heart felt light. It was the best news of the otherwise depressing week. 

Bertolt’s hands roamed carefully up his shirt, fingers brushing so lightly over his skin it sent a shiver up his spine. 

“Reiner,” he whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Mm,” he hummed at the warmth of Bertolt’s touch down his sides, “I’ve gained weight.”

He had. Probably from eating out so much with Bertolt. It wasn’t that he had a six pack before, but these days there were actual love handles poking out of his jeans. Bertolt squeezed one.

“What, this?”

“Yeah.”

“Kind of like it. You’re all soft. Not bony like me.”

“You’re not bony. You’re gorgeous. What’d they do to you at that retreat, anyways? Look at you.”

“I’ve been eating vegan or paleo or whatever for three weeks and honestly I think I might kill for a chicken tender and some french fries. Gabi gave me some hospital jello and I swear I can feel the sugar.”

He let his own hand trail down to Bertolt’s hip, then across the nearly flat stomach, landing where he could feel the start of hair. They could catch up when there was sunlight. The way he was being touched made words feel like a waste of time. Reiner was tired and worried and he would much rather jump into this little bubble with Bertolt where everything was nice and soft.

“I can get you chicken tenders. You want chicken tenders, huh?”

He nibbled at Bertolt’s neck, hoping to entice him before his proposition. Now seemed as good as ever and Reiner’s mood was quickly moving in that direction with the proximity of their bodies. The hand moving over the front of his jeans was a very positive sign.

“I’d like _a_ chicken tender.”

A chuckle escaped him at that.

“Is that what you’re calling it?” Bertolt groaned so he added, “But I like where you’re going.”

“Yeah? You’re not too tired?”

“Not if you’re not. C’mere. I, uh, had an idea actually.”

Bertolt slid his shirt further up and pecked kisses at his jaw. 

“An idea?” A kiss. “Tell me.”

“I want you,” he breathed out, heart beating hard in his chest.

His fingers nearly shook as he moved to undo Bertolt’s pants. 

“Reiner?”

“I want to do it. With you. Please?”

Bertolt’s mouth traced over to his lips, moving slow and purposeful when he captured them. After a few deep kisses, tongue diving wet against his, Bertolt whispered back.

“You don’t have to ask. I want you, too. But are you sure? I know it’s been a long night.”

Yes. It had. 

“Then, why haven’t you said anything? And yes, I’m sure. I’ve been thinking about it.”

“I…” Bertolt traced his cheek with a finger, face inches away, eyes pouring into his. “I didn’t want to pressure you.”

Reiner wrangled his shirt off finally, tossing it who knows where. 

“You know, I very clearly remember you telling me not to hold back with this kind of stuff. So how come you get to?”

He was mostly making fun, but Bertolt got suddenly serious, grabbing his hands and pulling them up between their chests.

“You’re special.”

“You don’t think you’re special, too?”

It hit a nerve. The fingers on his tensed and Bertolt glanced away.

“Wh-what?” 

“Why is what I want more important?” He pushed.

“I- no, it’s just… I don’t know.”

“I care what you want. And I would’ve said no if I didn’t want to, too.”

“But I’m ok with whatever you want. So why shouldn’t you decide?”

That was borderline frustrating. Was he kidding?

“Because,” he said with more force than he quite meant, “I want to know what you want. Because sometimes I don’t even know if you want me like I want you.”

“Reiner, you,” Bertolt let out a shaky breath, “you have no idea how much I want you. In every way.”

“So tell me. Show me.”

Please, let him finally know what it’s like. With Bertolt. With the only person he had ever wanted to do this with. Trusted enough to do this with.

Bertolt lifted his shirt away to reveal a new tan line and still the most wonderful body Reiner had ever seen. Ok, admittedly the only one that he had ever been so up close and personal with. Bertolt caught the way his gaze roamed over his skin and something softened between them.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it that way. I should’ve talked to you.”

Reiner shook his head. The apology was appreciated, but not what he was looking for.

“You can tell me now.”

“Ok.”

For a second, he thought Bertolt might avoid it or ask him what he wanted once again. No, he was being wrapped closer by long arms and lips brushed his ear.

“It’s going to be sort of cheesy,” he warned.

“Tell me anyways.”

Bertolt’s voice dropped low and he shuffled his feet before slowly saying, “I… want to make love to you, Reiner. With you. And can I stay tonight? Or this morning or whatever time it is?”

If that was cheesy, what did that make his huge smile?

“That’s good,” he said softly, “because I want that, too. And you should definitely stay the night. Morning. Whatever.”

Bertolt’s hand crept down to his zipper.

“Then, maybe you should take these off?”

“Bertolt,” he asked as he started to slide his pants down, “I, um. I want you to do me. You know? Is that ok?”

“Oh,” Bertolt’s breath sucked in and he captured Reiner’s body and they migrated slowly towards the bedroom. “Yes.”

He did know what he meant, right?

“Like, I want to bottom,” he clarified.

Bertolt snorted quietly, lips and tongue back on his ear lobe in a way that always drove him crazy.

“I know what you meant.”

“Can I go shower, then?”

“Yeah. Do you want me to come with you? Actually, I should probably wash off, too. They called it soap over there, but I’m not so sure.”

“I’d like that. Just, I want a minute by myself first.”

“Ok.”

And then he was off to the bathroom, a million things buzzing through his head with somehow nothing sticking as a coherent thought. The few minutes by himself, despite their productivity to his hygiene, went on for ages. When he finally heard the door open, his pulse jumped and he closed his eyes.

“Can I come in?”

“Yes.” _Please._

A very nude Bertolt stepped carefully into the cramped space, surprising him with immediate touches and kisses. Oh, he liked that very much. It was something in the way Bertolt pulled their bodies flush that got him so worked up. 

_Oh._

He let out a quiet moan when Bertolt’s hands squeezed at both sides of his ass. 

“Can I ask you something,” he interjected, his own hands roaming in similar places.

“Anything.”

“Do you usually top?”

“It’s… been a while.”

“So you like both? Can I ask how long? Is that weird?”

Bertolt’s hands stopped, but when Reiner pulled back he saw it was more of a thinking face than anything else.

“Like, years, I guess. I mean, it was over a year since I’d been with anyone, really. Before you. And, yeah, I like both.”

Oh. That must mean there had been no one between him and Willy. The other thing...

“So, if I said I wanted to try both?”

Bertolt smiled and kissed him before answering, “I would say that makes me very excited.”

At that, Reiner kissed him back with a newfound energy. He was met in kind.

“I brought your lube,” Bertolt said at their next breath. 

Then what were they waiting for? Without another word Reiner turned around and planted his hands on the sweaty tile. The water only served to remind him of his masturbation efforts a few days prior. Bertolt chuckled and kissed his shoulder.

“Why’re you laughing?”

“You’re cute, that’s all.”

“That’s all, huh? That makes two of us.”

“Mmm.”

After the brief hum against his skin Bertolt was sliding down him in a way that he was certain spelled out trouble. Just where did he think he was going? Tongue brushed him where fingers had teased moments before and he gasped out loud, half in surprise, half in pleasure. 

No, a lot of pleasure. Ah, fuck.

“Bertolt,” he groaned, for no reason except that it made him want to fall apart. The circling tongue stopped and he nearly whined.

“Do you want me to stop,” Bertolt asked innocently.

 _“No,_ it’s really good. The water - is it bothering you?”

“No. But we can move to the bed soon.”

“Ok. Can you, um, do some more of that first?”

Bertolt obliged, making his fingers curl into the tile and his back arch. Just when he thought he was not going to be able to take any more torture, the tongue disappeared, a hot mouth climbing up his back with wet kisses. Bertolt pulled his back into his chest, kissing his neck all over.

“B-bed?” He gasped. Bertolt released his hold.

“Let me wash off. I can meet you there.”

He couldn’t get himself dry fast enough. Reiner also snagged the yet to be utilized lube from the counter.

Patience had never been a trait he had claimed to have mastered. Which is why Bertolt found him back in bed and already lost in mild waves of pleasure. He sighed to himself, not noticing the figure taking up the door frame.

What he did notice was the groan-borderline-growl.

Bertolt mumbled something unintelligible after that, running a hand over his face and through his hair in a way that made it stick at odd angles that were somehow both silly and also impossibly good looking. And then Reiner was being attacked via lips and hands. Well if he had known what an effect it would have, he might have gotten caught masturbating on purpose. Which is not quite what he had even meant to do, he was simply really and truly horny. 

Reiner moaned quietly at being caressed top to bottom. The way Bertolt lingered in the spots where he had filled out a bit made him think that he was not only being polite when he had said he liked it. 

“Do you - are you,” Bertolt cleared his throat and Reiner relished that he had rendered him tongue-tied, “how do you feel?”

“Fine. Good. Ready, I think?”

Could he stand for more prep? Fuck if he knew. A familiar look of concern was being directed his way and Bertolt reached for the lube. Reiner huffed in mild impatience, but was only met with a calm,

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

“I know that.”

“So lie back down.”

Mmm, teacher voice. His favorite. He was two for two tonight: flustered _and_ instructor Bertolt. As cute as he was when he was searching for words, Reiner preferred these moments. It was pretty sexy.

He must have done a reasonable job because it was not long before he was groaning at Bertolt’s withdrawal. His pulse jumped and he tried unsuccessfully to relax in the face of anticipation and excitement. 

“Reiner?”

“Hmm?” He kept his eyes closed, doing that breathing thing they always had to do in class. It helped some.

“When did you buy these?”

He looked to see Bertolt rifling through his bedside drawer. He liked that they were comfortable enough to look through each other’s things and felt a sudden affirmation wash over him. Annie might call him old-fashioned, but this is what felt right for him.

“Right before you left.”

Bertolt held up the box. 

“Why do I feel like you’ve been planning this?”

Maybe because he had? Not this exact scenario, obviously, because who could have predicted the last twenty-four hours? He blushed and smiled back with a shrug.

“Stop that,” Bertolt muttered, coming to cuddle him, “you’re too cute sometimes.”

“But I want you to think I’m cute,” he countered.

“It’s working.”

“Hmm. For how long?”

“What?”

“For how long have you been thinking I’m cute?”

Reiner was hoping for something cliche like ‘since you walked into my studio’ or ‘your smile’ or, you know, one of those sort of things.

“Since… precal.”

The way Bertolt said it seemed loaded, but he was not exactly sure what he was talking about. Precal? What the hell did that mean?

“What?”

“Um. You know. Precalculus.”

That hardly cleared anything up.

“As in math class? What does that have to do with anything?” 

Bertolt pulled his body even closer, so warm and bare. Why were they talking about math right now?

“You, um, used to sit in front of me sometimes.”

Reiner resisted flat out laughing. Clarity washed over him and for the first time in months he realized he was not just some weirdo who held on to a teenage crush. Or if he was, he was one of two.

“High school? Are you serious?”

“Hey, you’re the one who liked me, too, what’s -”

He cut him off with a hard kiss and tugged at Bertolt until he was above him. This whole fucking time. Absurd. Couldn’t even have the decency to tell him.

“Are you o-”

“Nuh-uh. Don’t even ask. Kiss me. Do more of that teaching talk.”

“Teaching talk?”

“You know. Tell me what to do. Show me. I don’t know what I’m doing, remember?”

“I saw you a second ago, you know what you’re doing.”

“Ok, but I’m ready, aren’t I?”

Reiner was nervous but he was in good company and it made his anticipation fizzle to dull. Under the calm exterior he began to see the anxiety that laced Bertolt’s eyes. Why had he never noticed it before? 

The way Bertolt’s hands slipped nervously at the square wrapper. Or how he kissed him again, possibly stalling with how long it took. Between them he had always felt less-than. Less experienced, less secure, and one step behind. 

“I’ll go slow,” Bertolt promised.

The same voice, but Reiner understood this time. He had mistaken care and know-how as a lack of nerves. There was confidence there, it was just different than his original interpretations. It was quiet and soft, like an undercurrent, not a wave. At the moment, it lay beneath a prickling of sweat on tan skin and green eyes that were wide and lingering. Bertolt didn't look away from him or draw back. Reiner could feel his fingers acting as guide.

His eyes closed in reaction. A small whine from Bertolt sent a jolt of heat down to his toes as much as the sensation itself. It was really happening. And it was… different. He had not expected to feel so strange yet perfect at the same exact time. It was hard to say how much of that came from his body or from his emotions.

“Are-” Bertolt began, but he cut him off with a kiss, enjoying the muffled ‘mmph.’

He didn’t want to be asked how he felt, he wanted to have sex. Bertolt was going to be perfectly careful and that was exactly why he trusted him so much. At the same time, to see him undone was what he really wanted. Reiner took matters into his own hands by rolling his hips a bit. Bertolt gasped when he did it a second time. It felt weird. Good weird.

“You,” Bertolt panted, frozen cheek to cheek, “you feel so good.”

His heart melted. The praise he liked. 

“So do you,” he whispered back. It wasn’t a lie. This did feel good. Incredible even. The problem was that if Bertolt thought he was in any sort of discomfort, he was going to stay still. Reiner didn’t want to stay still.

This time he was rocked softly, making him groan and nestle his face into Bertolt's jaw. The sheets rubbing against his back were nothing compared to being held so close. All he could hear was the mixture of their uneven breathing with small moans accenting the constant stream of pleasurable noises Bertolt tended to make. He held him back just as tightly. The feeling of adjustment was giving way to something else. Something much, much better.

When the pace picked up it was in a way that was so good he couldn’t help but make more noises of his own. This was it; what people were always going on about. Whatever was building inside him was deep and hot and like nothing he had imagined. They were so _close_ and it was hard to wrap his mind around it.

And he was close.

So close that he groaned in frustration when Bertolt came to a sudden stop. He tried to instigate motion, but was told through frenzied, breathless whispers,

“Wait. One second.”

Oh. _Oh._

“I’m close, too,” Reiner tried to assure him, “You can finish.”

What if he was holding out needlessly?

“If we move, I’m going to. You are?” Bertolt said the last part with a hint of surprise. 

“I was.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t - I’ve just never felt like this. You’re...”

Bertolt sighed and laid kisses across his cheeks and lips, finishing his thought without words. Reiner melted further into the bed. He hoped it wasn’t petty how much he liked hearing that he might make him feel different than anyone else had. 

“Can we keep going?”

For the first time he got a real look at Bertolt’s face. His cheeks, framed by haphazard damp hair, were pink and his expression full of concern. Reiner nearly complained as his body drew away from him, no longer chest to chest. Part of him would like to have seen him come undone just like that, but then that wouldn't be him, would it? His chest constricted unexpectedly at Bertolt's touch. He was not going to let him go wanting.

“Tell me when you’re close."

One second it was good and then it was _good_. His voice cracked on Bertolt’s name. If he said his name back, then he missed it. Sensation was all that was left, their distance forgotten. The fingers not surrounding him were digging into his shoulder and his own hands were on a mindless mission to get their bodies closer somehow. God, Bertolt was loud, but he could barely hear him. He wasn't seeing stars because he couldn't possibly see anything. By the time he was anywhere near coherent, Bertolt was already still and clinging to him as if his life depended on it.

Coming down was its own journey. They were sweaty and sticky and sort of gross. Why didn't it feel gross, then? And when had Bertolt grabbed his leg like that? He didn't even realize his body had gotten that flexible.

“Don’t want to get up,” he rasped, voice coming out as if he hadn't spoken in days.

“No,” Bertolt agreed quietly. His weight was heavy but relaxed on Reiner’s chest. “But we have to get clean. So we can sleep. Or else I’ll fall asleep like this.”

That didn't sound so bad. Unfortunately, Bertolt was already sliding out and away from him, a direct course to the restroom. Reiner didn't like this part. The part where they had to be apart for even a second instead of still entwined, no matter how necessary it might be. At least his patience was rewarded with a warm towel wiping his abdomen and the return of Bertolt's embrace. A particularly soft kiss followed.

“You’re still staying, right?” He yawned with his own question.

“Unless you kick me out.”

Reiner smiled before reluctantly sitting up, surprised to find he felt nearly the same as before. Shockingly the same, if a bit further stupid in love, but that was not exactly new. Physically? Sort of different. Was he going to feel that tomorrow?

“Do you feel alright? Was it ok for you?” Bertolt wrapped himself around him and rested his chin on his shoulder. 

“Yes. It was really good. Didn’t you hear me?” The pleasant waves of whatever that post-orgasm feeling was were more than making up for anything else. 

“You… sounded good,” Bertolt mumbled into his neck. He was being nuzzled and he loved every second of it. Every warm touch. When were they going to do this again?

As he eased back to earth and reality, unease threatened to twist his stomach into a knot. Tomorrow. That would be a problem for tomorrow. Because right then he was being pulled into the position that Bertolt constantly hogged.

“So, you’ve finally come around,” he teased.

“Just for you.” 

“I like it.”

“Don’t get used to it. I’ll have my spot back soon enough.”

Too late. Reiner thought he made an excellent big spoon.


	22. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of Bertolt POV’s about his time with Reiner.
> 
> This will also be the last of his POV for this fic.

**New Student**

The computer pinged a new email alert. Someone had registered last minute for the evening class, but he did not bother opening it because he knew exactly who it was.

When Armin had texted him he had practically heard his suggestive tone oozing through the characters. That and Armin had used two winky faces. His nerves were already prickling, but he would act calm. Play it cool. He was the teacher here and he needed to act like it lest he lose the confidence of his students. And as a student Reiner Braun ought to have the opportunity for a professional and proper class. 

Regardless of how the teacher might feel about him. Have felt.

It was a silly old crush, really, but he couldn’t help being curious. Had he changed much? Would he look him in the eye finally? Bertolt always got anxious at the prospect of seeing someone he hadn’t seen in years, even if their interactions had been very, well, limited. It was weird sometimes, that’s all. 

Honestly, he expected that it would be slightly awkward for a moment. Maybe they would talk, maybe they wouldn’t. Either way, it would probably all be very anticlimactic and then Reiner may or may not become a regular at the studio and that would be that. Reiner would simply become someone Bertolt had thought was cute once upon a time. Who knows, they might even become friends.

He glanced at the clock as people filtered in and exchanged greetings. Normally he would never feel so antsy here. This was something he was good at, something he knew how to do. It was a place of comfort, this studio, even if it had only been a few months since he started there. Why Levi Ackerman had taken him under wing Bertolt still had not quite sussed out, but he was glad he had.

Ok, technically, he had been going to the studio every summer since after high school. He didn’t really mean to become a teacher, it had just worked out. The unlimited membership was affordable and every one to two hours a day he had spent in practice was another few hours he could forget all about home. Naturally, he had gotten pretty good at it. 

And he had never quite been able to make up his mind about what he wanted to do. So when he had showed up after graduating with no life plan whatsoever he had accepted Levi’s offer without a second thought. What else was he going to do in this town? The later offer to become a part owner had been a surprise, but, again, what else was he going to do? Petra was Levi’s natural successor, but Levi insisted Bertolt showed promise and a natural disposition for it.

Armin wore his mischievous grin as he entered the foyer. 

“Shut up,” he muttered with a roll of his eyes. People thought Armin was _so_ sweet, but those people had never been submitted to his antics. Bertolt could see the gears turning already as he walked away. 

An approaching figure caught his attention beyond the glass. That had to be him and yes, he had definitely changed. Out of nowhere, Bertolt found himself scrambling away from the front desk. 

Oh he really hated when Armin was right. 

**First Kiss**

He had not _planned_ to kiss Reiner. 

Bertolt had simply meant to ask him if he was coming to class the next day. Maybe ask him about another date. He was still on the fence about all this; still asking himself what Reiner really wanted. When was the last time he had been on a date without expectations? Part of him could not shake the fear that he was just a coming out experiment.

Then there were the things Reiner had said at the restaurant. There was the way he had so sweetly taken his hand half an hour ago. And now he was looking at him with the widest eyes Bertolt had ever seen. 

Those weren’t the eyes of someone who was trying to use a person, were they?

He couldn’t help himself any longer and it was so _electric._ Like, wow. Reiner’s eyes were still closed when he pulled away. He waited until they opened to ask,

“Was that ok?”

Maybe he should have asked beforehand. What if he had misread the situation? 

“Yes,” Reiner whispered.

Thank god. Because for him it had been a kiss he might never forget. Reiner leaned back in, eyelids already dropping, and Bertolt wanted the exact same thing. 

A hand came to rest on his chest and he nearly sighed. That was nice. When Reiner asked if it was ok for him, Bertolt wanted to ask, ‘are you kidding?’

“Then, can I kiss you again?” Reiner had a spark in his eye this time. The corners of his lips were quirked adorably. Bertolt had never actually been asked before. 

Reiner came forward and his heart flipped. Reiner’s cheek was surprisingly soft. He had expected him to have faint stubble or at least not be quite so groomed. But, no, now that they were so close it was becoming obvious that Reiner’s dude-esque front might be just that. A front. 

There was a tiny noise and every fear that this wasn’t genuine for Reiner was melting from Bertolt’s mind. Instead of jumping straight into his lap like he wanted to do, he leaned until he was over him. Reiner tasted like alfredo and lip balm. His kisses were unsure and a little messy, but that was the best part. He had kissed plenty of guys who were plenty sure and it was overrated. What he had never done was let a slow tongue probe his mouth curiously like this.

Ah ok, maybe that was too nice. He broke the kiss. It was too perfect of a moment to ruin with lust. Nobody had held his body so tender before and all he needed suddenly was to bask in it. 

No one had ever smelled his hair before, either.

**Patio**

“We can go to The Inn. Have a little dinner. I can reserve a room, just say the word.”

Of course he would suggest the most expensive place in town. What a show off. And what, did Willy think he could be bought? Even back then it had never been the fancy dinners that had enticed him. What on earth had enticed him, anyway? God, he must have been really lonely.

“You can not be serious right now,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“We had such a good time together.”

 _He_ had a good time, Willy must mean. Ugh, why did he ever date this asshole much less let him up his? He could be charismatic at times, sure, but had he really fallen so easily for that? 

Right now was not one of those times. Why couldn’t he take no for an answer? Bertolt attempted to step around him, regretting deeply that he had agreed to come out here at all. He should have known it would be like this. What would Reiner think if he saw them talking? 

_Not my good coat,_ he thought when the hands closed onto his lapels, not processing what was actually happening until their lips met.

No, no, no. _No_. He shoved hard. Was that really his voice so loud? A familiar feeling welled up and his only immediate goal was to get to the bathroom with his head down. He didn’t see the people in the door until he was abruptly face to face with his brand new boyfriend. 

_Ex-boyfriend probably,_ he thought bitterly. 

He could hear himself saying something, but forgot his own words in confusion when Reiner pulled him closer. He wasn’t pushing him away?

“This guy?” Was the only thing he heard before he was turning around to tell Willy to leave him alone for what he hoped to be the final time.

Well, _that_ guy was blocking his view all of the sudden. Oh no, was he a fighter? Reiner didn’t seem like one, but, hey, he had obviously misjudged character before. There was not much time to reflect because Bertolt was suddenly trying to catch Reiner’s bulky body from collapsing. 

What had he been thinking?

**Wanted**

Reiner had not said much. All Bertolt knew was that he was going for dinner and then in the morning Reiner would take him to the airport. Then he would be off for what he hoped would be a very good three weeks. 

‘Nothing big,’ Reiner had said. Alright. Bertolt went for a plain shirt, not feeling particularly inspired to dress up. He was sort of hoping to not spend too much time in it because if he got his way he would be staying the night and Reiner would cuddle him while he continued to monopolize little spoon. Ok, he wouldn’t mind a little fooling around either.

Four months. He never thought he would be seeing himself four months into a relationship like this. He’d like to tell Reiner how he really felt. Maybe when he came back he would have the courage to say it? 

Love. It made him blush to even consider it. Is that what this was? Why this felt so different than anything before?

The ceiling loomed above him from his bed where he had flopped down to kill fifteen painfully long minutes. It wasn’t popcorn like his mom’s house. Why was it that this identical apartment felt so much lonelier than Reiner’s? Well, there was no Reiner, obviously. It was more than that, though. Maybe it was the constant evidence that he had never lived by himself before.

Not like Bertolt. Sure, this was his first solo place, but it seemed like he had been living by himself half his life. He could barely remember a time he was not doing his own laundry, washing his own dishes, or making his own mac and cheese, quite the staple for a ten year old babysitting himself in an empty house. No wonder he hated cooking by now. 

He did not remember his father dying, only his mother changing. It wasn’t his fault they looked so much alike. Her disposition had always been one of criticism and stand-offishness and he sometimes thought maybe she had never wanted him at all. Absent was the word that floated to the top of his mind when he thought about her. He always had what he technically needed, though. At least up until she kicked him out. He had been getting ready to move out anyway.

Reiner’s tendency to look out for him was a constant temptation for Bertolt to let him fill the void left behind. It would be all too easy. Add to that his own compulsion to try and do as others wanted him to, particularly if they were paying him attention. It was a perfectly bad recipe and he was grateful to have gotten close to Reiner at a time when he could see that.

Still, it felt good to feel wanted.

**Needed**

Bertolt nibbled his lip. Reiner sat beside him, but he was not really there. He resisted sighing in frustration. That night - morning? - had been so perfect. Not counting Gabi’s hospitalization, of course. 

Just, after that. Seeing Reiner again after weeks. Sharing everything with each other.

When they woke up Bertolt thought he could not possibly be more in love. Reiner? Well, he might have felt the same way. It was impossible to tell because he had suddenly gone quiet and brooding. This whole week had basically been torture. Bertolt was trying to be supportive, he really was, but he was starting to get worried.

He let his gaze wander slowly across Reiner’s features. There was the stubbly jaw. That was unusual for him. Bertolt had always been surprised at his dedication to grooming. Mmm, hello forearms. He reached out to run a finger along one, pausing at a small scar that he had always wondered about. It probably had some funny story to it that involved playing with Gabi or some other sweet, familial anecdote. Reiner had plenty of those.

“What’s this,” he asked, pushing slightly into the pale skin.

Reiner yanked his arm away. Woah. 

“Nothing,” he answered with the most defensive tone Bertolt had ever heard from him.

Yeah, Reiner had been on edge this week, but this was something else altogether.

“Why’re you upset?”

“I’m not upset.”

“Then what is that?” 

He might not have pushed before, but his patience was growing thin. Reiner had been nothing but short with him, refusing to talk about the weekend. He could have at least said thank you for, you know, kind of rescuing his little sister.

Ok, he did not really need a thank you for that. He would have done it for anyone. Still, some kind of acknowledgement that it had happened might be nice. This was so unlike Reiner and Bertolt was running on an assumption that it was because things had gotten too personal and too close to home. Of course, it wouldn’t have to be an assumption if he would actually talk to him.

“It’s _nothing.”_

“Ok, so if it’s nothing, why can’t you tell me?”

Seriously, what could it even be?

“Why can’t you stop asking? I’m fine, ok.”

“You’re not fine, you won’t talk to me all week.”

“What am I supposed to talk about, huh?” Reiner’s voice got louder and Bertolt flinched before catching himself and mentally buckling in for the ride. He was morbidly curious to learn more about this side of him.

“You and Gabi and Annie just can’t leave it alone. I’m fine, this,” he waved his arm, “is nothing. I’m not going to school, ok? It was stupid, and I’m fine here. Gabi might need me. I left for one night and she broke her fucking arm, how am I supposed to even think about moving away?”

They had not even been talking about the school thing. Admittedly, he had asked multiple times about Reiner’s visit. Apparently Gabi and Annie had, too. Reiner was not done.

“She - she. What if she sees something worse? I’ve already hurt her enough. A-and Colt’s got it way harder than I did.”

Bertolt tried to reach out. To wipe away the blooming tears. Reiner shrugged him off and turned away. What did he mean ‘if she sees something worse?’ Worse than what? Hurt her? What on earth had Reiner ever done to hurt Gabi? That sounded impossible. If it had ever been anything, it was not on purpose, of that much he was sure.

“Reiner -”

“Just _go.”_

His mouth opened and closed like a fish. Every sequence of words that came to mind were equally useless. So much so that instead of arguing he slowly rose and made his way to the door. He wanted him to leave? Fine. 

Reiner was strangely quiet and curling into the corner of the couch, but Bertolt could not exactly force him to be comforted no matter how much he might wish he could. Besides, the request stung deeper than he wanted to admit.

It felt wrong the second he was on the other side of the door. His heart absolutely split at the sound of a loud sob from inside. What was he supposed to do? Was it going to be better or worse if he went back? 

Did he have a choice?

No. His body betrayed any line of logic his brain might have attempted to work up. He was already halfway back by the time he even considered that perhaps he ought to actually stay out, but Reiner was buried in his chest within seconds and he was not sure his shirt was ever going to recover from the fists balled into it, yanking, forcing their bodies closer. Not that he cared. He’d give the rest of his wardrobe if it would help.

“It’s not nothing,” came out, choked and muffled into his side. Reiner had collapsed in a way that left him more on Bertolt’s lap than in his arms. 

“It’s ok,” he soothed, rubbing a hand up and down the parts of Reiner’s back that he could reach, “you don’t have to tell me.”

He had never been upset that Reiner didn’t want to talk about it. What had gnawed at him all week was the fact that Reiner had been refusing to even say that he was bothered by something. That phase was clearly over, some sort of dam having broken loose. Bertolt had to wonder what other sorts of things Reiner would be inclined to bottle up. Until then, he worked his hands across the broad shoulders until a shaking explanation made itself present.

“Was me - I did it. Gabi walked in. She was just a little kid, but she opened that fucking door. And now-”

Bertolt pulled him closer. Tighter. Complete sentences were not needed for him to realize what he was saying and suddenly everything made a lot more sense. 

It took a long time before Reiner’s breath began to even and his hands unclenched from Bertolt’s shirt. Reiner still left one on his chest, body relaxing into his with a long sigh. His voice was quiet, but sure, in his final confidence to Bertolt.

“She stayed in my room for nearly two weeks, Bertolt. That’s why… That’s why it’s just one little thing. What if… what if I’m too much of a screw up on my own?”

Bertolt had never thought it could hurt so much to watch someone else like this. He felt powerless to help. Was there anything to say that could make it at all better? If so, he had no idea what. All he ended up doing was blurting out the first thing on his tongue.

“You’re not a screw up, Reiner. You were going through a hard time. I - I’m glad Gabi was there.”

His fingers froze in blonde hair and he fought to keep collected. It wouldn’t help in the least for them both to fall apart. Just, the thought of him - anything but that. 

“You really think that?” Reiner’s tone was surprisingly bright, if strained.

“Think what?”

“That I’m not a - a,” he took a new breath to steady himself, “an idiot?”

“Reiner. I’ve never thought that. Not once. We all need help sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” Reiner whispered.

“For what? You don’t have to be sorry.” 

He resumed finger combing his hair.

“I shouldn’t have told you to leave.”

“It’s ok,” he reassured.

Reiner did not respond to that, instead only curling tighter into his lap. Bertolt continued trying to get him to relax beneath his touch until he felt the hand on his chest relax and Reiner grow heavy like lead. Now he was trapped with this giant cat of a man on him. He might have wiggled free any other day, but not today. 

Being able to feel one of your arms was overrated anyway. 

**Brunch**

The summer was late and the patio at Maria’s was _hot_. Bertolt indulged in a milkshake. He was still treating himself to horribly unhealthy foods to make up for those three weeks of nuts and fruits that had happened months ago. What was the point if you were going to go on a multi-month revenge binge? Although he did have to admit he had looked pretty good for a second there. In reality, he was just back to his same pre-paleo yoga resort weight and Reiner always gave him that look whenever he took his shirt off, so he was not particularly worried about it. Speaking of.

Reiner looked glorious in that tank top. Especially his arms.

“Hey. My eyes are here,” Reiner said, flashing a wide grin.

“Oh, um...”

“Anyways. Look, I just don’t know if I can go.”

He sighed. Here it was again. The fact that Reiner was arguing with himself repetitively over it months after his visit showed just how badly he wanted to. What could he say that he hadn’t said already? Gabi would be fine. Colt would be fine. Yes, everyone would miss him. And _yes_ , he was willing to make the distance work. 

“You’re not going to say anything,” Reiner asked, hurt in his voice.

“What do you want me to say? You know what I think.”

Reiner looked into his plate with a frown.

“I know.” 

Bertolt reached across the table and put a sweaty hand over Reiner’s. That earned him a little smile.

“I’m here for you. Whatever you do.”

“You think I should go.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” he confirmed for the thousandth time.

Because he should go. If he wanted it like this, he should do it. Reiner turned his hand over and grasped his palm.

“It’s just… scary,” Reiner admitted with a drop of his shoulders.

He squeezed his hand.

“Maybe that means it’s worth doing.”

**Last Call**

His apartment could officially be categorized as a glorified closet with plumbing at this point. Even then, Reiner had cleared spots for him to store day-to-day clothes at his place. Which was basically their place. Whatever, his lease would be up soon enough. Today would mark the thirtieth day straight he had stayed at Reiner’s. He was counting. 

One day it would become so long he would lose count and he looked forward to that more than he would have ever expected. He couldn’t explain it, but he felt strangely confident that this wasn’t ending any time soon. It had been a long time since the idea that they might break up had crossed his mind.

Sure, it _could_ happen. Anything could happen. It seemed unlikely, that was all. Bertolt had been mystified for his whole life at couples who were so sure they would not fall prey to falling apart, but now he was one of those people. They were those people.

Oh, and it was their anniversary.

This year differed so wildly from the last that Bertolt found it hard to believe they were in the same lifetime. He was laughing all the time, for one. And then there was -

“Jesus Christ, what are you doing out here? It’s freezing.”

Jean had barged out, cigarette in one hand, lighter in the other.

“It’s kind of nice. I wanted some air.”

“Well, your boyfriend is looking for you and he’s…you’ll see.”

Bertolt raised an eyebrow and silently tried to account for just how many drinks Reiner must have had by now. It was regrettable that it probably meant they weren’t going to get to that second round he had been promised this morning. Reiner’s fingers had dug into his hips in the best way. 

And look who it was. 

Reiner came tumbling from the door, nearly falling at the short drop to the deck. Armin of all people was right behind him in an equal state. Bertolt chuckled softly to himself and silently wished Eren the best.

“S’looking for you,” Reiner slurred, pointing right at him. 

To that he went promptly to slide an arm around Reiner’s waist and enjoy the way he leaned into him for support.

“Mmm,” Reiner hummed into his ear. Followed by a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

“I think it’s time to go home, you.”

“Mnngh.”

“Yep. Definitely.”

Bertolt excused them both and began the journey through the bar. He shared a quick nod with Annie, wordlessly receiving Reiner’s card and receipt. Knowing the bartender had a lot of benefits, he had come to learn.

“Reiner,” he hissed at a not so subtle ass grab. Annie smirked.

“Mn love you,” Reiner replied, stumbling on an invisible obstacle the second they started moving again.

“I love you, too,” he sighed before opening the door back to the gravel lot.

Getting across it was another chore. Reiner was lucky he was so cute. Bertolt caught sight of his truck with its passenger door looming a foot above the ground. Then he looked back to his fading boyfriend. 

Well, he did like a challenge.


	23. Decision

Reiner stretched, trying to relieve the tension building in his calves from the last set of squats. Levi really never took it easy, did he? Pride crept up and he smiled at being able to touch his toes now. He couldn’t fold in half like Bertolt, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to. 

Annie gave him a silent wave goodbye that he returned with a nod before checking his watch. Bertolt’s evening class would be wrapping up soon. Reiner got up slowly and let the weight of the day wash over him. A familiar prickling of guilt and nerves threatened him, but he tried to let them both go as best he could. He was going to have to open it. The thought haunted him as he crossed the threshold of the gym out to a breezy evening.

Shit, he also needed to figure out a birthday present for Gabi soon. 

How was she going to be sixteen already? At least her arm wasn’t in a cast this year. Yet.

There had been no more midnight excursions to the Grice’s as far as he knew, but who could say when the next event might occur. She was too _her_ to be held in check by rules for too long, he was sure of it. No, she was going to get into trouble with or without him. But she was smart and for some reason he couldn’t find it in him to worry too hard about it. Hopefully she stayed away from trees, though.

He was finding it more difficult to worry about himself, too. Well, some days. It was hit or miss, but something had shifted when for the second time in his life he had submitted an application to university. He was older now, it was a different major entirely, and fear picked relentlessly at him. What if he failed? What if he didn’t get in at all? Would he spiral back into the person he was at eighteen? 

That’s when he heard himself. Really stopped. Looked at the old scar.

_Don’t be ridiculous,_ he had found himself thinking. He had done a lot since then; changed a lot. That sort of thing was not even an option. He could reapply. Or seek out a job in a related field. But he was definitely getting out of that library. It really wasn’t his thing.

He had hit submit, eyes closed, and jumped out of the kitchen chair feeling all sorts of things all at once and paced around until Bertolt had come out of the room and captured him in a concerned hug.

Speaking of… Bertolt’s truck was nowhere in sight, but that wasn’t so unusual. He was probably caught up cleaning the studio or chatting with a student. Reiner walked slowly in an attempt to further procrastinate his arrival home. He knew himself and he knew that, put face to face with the envelope, curiosity was going to override trepidation. 

It was more than curiosity, though. It was excitement. Hope. 

The moment he was inside his apartment he made a beeline for the mail stack on the kitchen table. Bertolt had texted him a photo of it earlier, but it was still surreal that here it sat. He was too nervous to sit himself, instead inching the flap from its glue while he nervously paced tiny circles around the compact kitchen.

Bertolt had been insisting for months that it was a no brainer and he might as well start packing. That didn’t stop Reiner from building a whole scenario in his head in which he faced rejection and another year shelving books in stifling silence. Damn it he was so tired of alphabetizing.

A click at the front door caught his attention right as he slid the folded page out. Oh no, now he was going to have an audience. 

“Hey,” Bertolt said cheerily with a glance to the page in his hand, “what’s it say?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t read it. You read it, I can’t look.”

Reiner held it out at a full arms length.

“You can read it.”

“No, you read it. Please?” 

He shook it again for emphasis. Bertolt took pity and accepted his plea. His eyes scanned the page and his lips pulled up slowly.

“See, I told you you were going to get in,” he said nonchalantly, holding the paper back to Reiner with a big grin.

“No way.”

“What, you think I’m lying? Read it yourself.”

He snatched it back, skipping through words until the proof was in front of him.

_Reiner Braun… pleased to accept…_

Bertolt let out a grunt at a hug that could qualify as an assault. Reiner buried his face into his shoulder. So warm. So solid. Why did his dream have to be anywhere more than five minutes away from him?

“Why can’t you come with me,” he whined dramatically into the long neck.

“Hey, we’ll see each other all the time. You know I can’t leave the studio.”

“I knooow.”

Bertolt kissed his forehead and pulled away enough to look at him. He looked so excited that it made Reiner ache. How was he so incredible and supportive? 

“I’ll buy you a drink. Are you going to tell everyone?”

“Yeah. Wait!”

Reiner tugged on his arm to keep him from walking away and forced him into a new hug. Bertolt chuckled and pulled him closer. 

“Gabi!” He blurted, breaking their embrace and diving into his pocket for his phone.

Bertolt said something about getting changed and gave him a peck on the cheek that was not occupied by his device before disappearing to their bedroom. 

“Hey, what’s up?” 

“I got my acceptance letter,” he said with excitement that far outweighed the way he had felt the first time around.

“So you got in?”

“Yes!”

Her scream and laugh made him grin like a kid. He could just imagine their parents wondering what the hell was going on and telling her not to shout in the house. 

“Hey,” she said, “So if I went there when I graduate, we could be there at the same time?”

Oh, fuck, he hadn’t even considered that. Was she seriously not considering moving as far away as possible instead?

-

Sasha and Connie had worked themselves up into a laughing fit.

“Nurse - Reiner!” Connie choked, wiping new tears from the corner of his eyes.

“It’s not that funny. Guys are nurses all the time!” 

Sasha had at least gained some sort of control.

“Sure, but, like, it’s just hard to imagine _you_ as one. They’re going to think you’re there to kick them out.”

“I would want him to be my nurse,” Bertolt said suddenly without even a hint of jest. Defensive, even.

“Gross,” Ymir muttered.

“N-not like that!”

Ymir smirked. “Uh huh.”

Reiner nudged his side and sent him a grateful smile. Bertolt was blushing, but returned a smile of his own. Thankfully, Armin steered the conversation away from making fun of burly male nurses.

“Well, I think it suits you. What do you want to do?”

“Um,” Reiner said quietly, growing self conscious, “I was thinking about specializing. Maybe gerontology.”

“Geron-what?” Jean said.

“Gerontology,” Armin restated before turning to Reiner again, “What is that?”

He perked up at this.

“Are you saying I know a word and you don’t?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t know plenty of words,” Armin huffed.

“I don’t know,” Bertolt jumped in, “Even I know what it means. I bet Eren does, too.”

Armin turned to his partner, sending a look that Reiner thought was borderline accusatory. Eren shrugged.

“I think so. It’s something with old people, right?”

“Yeah.” Reiner confirmed.

Jean snorted. “Wait a second, how does Yeager know that?”

“Some of us are educated. And congrats, Reiner, that’s awesome.”

Eren’s tone was relaxed in comparison to the excited echo of his sentiment around the table. Their glasses clinked together clumsily before regular conversation resumed and Reiner’s life changing news quickly became passé. He suddenly felt very ready to be home.

“Do you want to go soon,” he asked Bertolt.

“Tired already?”

“A little, yeah.”

“Ok. Sure.”

They excused themselves, earning a few distracted goodbyes and stray congratulations. 

“Are you alright,” Bertolt asked as soon as they were on the gravel. 

“I’m ok,” he answered honestly, “I’m just tired. Really.”

Bertolt gave an easy smile at that and a nod. They didn’t talk much on the drive, but their hands found each other when Bertolt wasn’t busy shifting and Reiner let himself daydream about the future. Before he knew it, they were pulling up to the apartments.

Once inside, they went straight for the bed where Reiner collapsed with a sigh. 

“Mmm,” Bertolt hummed, “That sleepy, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re thinking about school, aren’t you?”

Great, he could add Bertolt to the growing list of people who could see right through him. Not that it was anything new. 

“Yeah,” he admitted.

Bertolt cuddled up next to him and laid his head on his chest. 

“You’re going to love it. And then I’m going to come visit you and we’re going to go eat sushi. God, I miss sushi.”

“Raw fish?”

“Mmhm.”

“I love you,” he said softly, “I don’t know if I’m going to like sushi. But I love you.”

“I love you, too, Reiner. 

-

Reiner awoke in darkness, confused as to why he was still wearing jeans or where Bertolt was. He had gotten so used to his presence in his bed at night. The door crept open just as he sat up, eyes bleary still.

“We fell asleep,” Bertolt explained, followed by a large yawn.

He responded with a yawn of his own as he unbuttoned his shirt and stepped out of his pants. Then he moved on to Bertolt’s hem, slipping his hands around his waist from behind and running both thumbs along both hips.

Bertolt let out a quiet breath. “Reiner, are you trying to start something?”

“Might be.”

He wanted to start making up for all the nights they were going to miss. The way he was being pulled onto the bed said that Bertolt wouldn’t mind in the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, write a multi-chapter fic.
> 
> Second, become progressively more attached to said fic.
> 
> Then, finish the fic!
> 
> Wait...
> 
> In all seriousness, thank you so much if you're reading. I've enjoyed writing this and I hope it has been an enjoyable read. The last chapter will probably be up within a week from now (and it won't be as short as this one).


	24. Back to School

An alarm rang obnoxiously close to his ear and Reiner immediately slapped his hand to his phone. Fuck, he had been having such a good dream, too. He let his mind pick up where it had left off, eyes squeezing back shut. 

Dream him had just gotten a kiss to the neck by Bertolt. He pictured himself kissing back. Kissing long and deep. He let out a tiny groan at the thought of Bertolt’s tongue. His hand slipped beneath the sheets; beneath his waistband. Bertolt had been on a bottoming streak that was very much not on bottom and _very_ hot. Reiner plucked up a memory from the weekend of dark hair tickling his nose. His hands had gripped at Bertolt’s hips and thighs and he could practically still feel him under his fingers. He pretended he could hear his moans and soft gasps. Imagined the stuttering breath and low, low moan that had sent him over the edge the moment he had heard it. What his hand could provide was not even in the same realm of pleasure, but there was no stopping this train. 

Only once his underwear was wrecked did he fully wake up and roll his eyes at himself. Okay, so definitely a shower this morning and not later. At least he was thinking clearly again. Still, a shudder ran down his body as he recalled the end of that venture and the way Bertolt had thrown his head back.

Reiner jumped into an almost too cold shower in an effort to rinse away the last of the sleep and memories that were a bit too good. Soon he was stabbing his way through scrambled eggs while double checking his pile of completed assignments and it was feeling like a very normal morning again. Still chewing his last bite, he reached for his bag which was propped up against the table leg beside him.

He swore under his breath at the sound of fabric ripping. Goddamn cheap backpack. At least it had happened in the apartment and not on campus. He grabbed it all in one lump and made his way to the closet. Somewhere in here was that old one… Why did he even have it still? 

Well, time to shine, nearly decade old backpack. How had this thing made it so long? The new one only made it, what, a semester and some change? Whatever, there was no time to contemplate the quality of contemporary school bag craft. He quickly transferred the contents and hoped that this one would not meet the same fate in the near future. If he wanted to stop by the shop on the way, he needed to leave right away. Could he feel any more like a teenager with his high school backpack and jogging to catch the bus in time? At least the city bus was somewhat more refined. Sort of. 

He fiddled idly on his phone for the duration of the ride and successfully avoided eye contact with most of the passengers. Bertolt had chastised him for waving and saying hello to every other person when he had first come. In his defense, it was weird if you _didn’t_ do that back home. How was he supposed to have known public transportation etiquette? Up until half a year ago, the extent of his public transportation experience was carpooling. The bus ground to a halt and whooshed into place.

“Bye,” he said to the driver who gave him a quick wave back. Nothing Bertolt said was going to stop him from exchanging familiarities with someone he saw nearly every day of the week. 

The sidewalk he stepped out onto breathed life in a way he had never realized he could love so much until he had stood in it and walked within its busy flow. It was different from home in all the right ways. Not that he didn't miss their little town, because he did. It was just that if you wanted food after eight at night you weren’t limited to a single old diner, no offense to Maria’s. You could buy pretty much anything you wanted and you didn’t have to drive an hour to the nearest mall. And there was always a coffee shop within a mile or two of you where nobody looked at you dirty for asking about soy milk. Almond milk was wholly out of the question back home. Of course, the place he was currently going to was the one cafe in the whole city that refused to serve coffee.

The door chimed as he slipped in and he still couldn’t believe that didn’t drive Levi absolutely mad. Smells of all kinds hit him right in the face. If someone was looking for a particular selection, it was probably here and the more obscure, the more likely Levi was to have it in stock. When Reiner had accused him of hipsterism, he had received the hardest glare in the history of tea shops. 

“How’s retirement,” he joked.

Levi didn’t even bother looking up from the newspaper. 

“Do I look fucking retired?”

He perched on a stool behind the counter with an expression that Reiner had to assume was his pleasant scowl. Erwin was the one who was retired in fact and had proposed this scheme. Bertolt said Levi said that _Erwin_ said he was tired of being fucked up the ass by corporate. Bertolt also said he thought Levi had taken some liberties in his phrasing. 

Reiner took the stairs at the back of the shop two at a time. The sound of Bertolt’s voice brought a smile to his voice. Soft as ever, calm and floating as he further advised a student on posture. Reiner waited in a corner until the rest of the class wandered out and down the stairs. Perfect timing. Except for one lingering student, someone about their age, who was looking an awful lot at his boyfriend just then.

_Oh,_ he thought and tried to resist a low laugh right there. Really?

Bertolt’s reaction told him exactly what kind of question the guy leaning over the desk was asking. Not that Reiner blamed him for trying. He knew exactly how tempting Bertolt looked in spandex. Damn, he really did look tempting today, too. It was a shame that he had not been available to assist with Reiner’s earlier dilemma. No, he would have been here and showing how easily he could bend... Mm.

The rejected young man looked disappointed as he shuffled past Reiner on the way out, but Bertolt had been left an adorably bright shade of red.

“Reiner,” Bertolt said nervously as soon as he caught sight of him.

“Hey,” he grinned, “What a heartbreaker.”

“Who, h-him?”

He hadn’t seen Bertolt so flustered in a long time. It was cute the way he wrung his hands and got suddenly shy as if he weren’t talking to his boyfriend of two years.

“No, you," Reiner clarified, "He was hitting on you, right?”

“Y-yeah. But I’m, um, I’m not - I’m just -”

Reiner interrupted him with a quick peck to the lips.

“You definitely are. Too bad you’re taken.”

“Shut up,” Bertolt mumbled before occupying his hands with a stack of papers on the desk.

“Do you want to get a coffee with me before class?”

Sure, Reiner could have just texted, but Levi and Erwin’s satellite location was only a few minutes walk from campus. Besides, Bertolt always got a really cute look on his face whenever he showed up unexpectedly. 

“I was wondering what you were doing here. That sounds nice, let me just get my sweater.”

Bertolt fished around beneath the desk then popped back up with a smile and a hoodie in hand that was not his at all.

“Wait a second, that is definitely _my_ sweater,” Reiner teased.

“Mine now.”

Looked better on Bertolt anyway, he supposed, even though it was a full size too big. They descended slowly down the stairs, somehow finding things to catch up on despite the fact that they lived together.

“Petra texted me. She says she misses you. That you were her best babysitter ever.”

That made Reiner’s chest tighten.

“She really said that? God, Isabel is so cute, I miss babysitting her, too. What a troublemaker, though. Do you remember the first time we babysat her?”

He really did miss it. He had always liked kids and they seemed to like him, too. If the elderly didn’t pan out, he could always see about going into childcare or something. 

“I was so hungover,” Bertolt said, “and I couldn’t believe you volunteered us to watch a baby.”

“Yeah, but it was fun. She’s a cutie.”

“It was. She is,” Bertolt agreed. 

The door chimed their way out. Again, how did that not drive Levi absolutely insane? 

“Annie and Marco moved in together, did I tell you that already?”

“No. I still can’t even believe they’re together.”

They threaded their fingers together. Reiner loved how nobody cared at all. They could never have walked down the street like this at home. Not without funny looks, that is. Ok, there was the occasional look still, but it was worth it. 

“Is that a new backpack?” Bertolt leaned back, eyeing his bag curiously.

“Nope, it’s old. It’s from high school actually. The other one broke this morning.”

“That sucks. And you still had this one?”

“Yeah. I don’t know why, really, but I had it in the closet.”

“Huh. Well that’s lucky.”

He hummed in agreement and opened the door to the cafe. It was on the edge of campus, employed mostly by fellow students. He ordered two coffees, his own looking positively pale compared to Bertolt’s untouched black coffee. He twisted around until he could figure out what table Bertolt had landed on. Not that it was very difficult considering how much he stood out. God he was cute with his hand under his chin like that, looking all dreamy and lost in thought. 

“Excuse me,” requested a stranger behind him. Oops. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, getting out of the way and making his way to the table. 

“Here you go.”

“Thanks. By the way, you look nice today.”

“Don’t I look nice every day?” Reiner joked even though the compliment brought a big smile to his face.

Bertolt grinned. “Yes.”

“Not as nice as you apparently. Nobody has asked me on any dates today or anything.”

There was a sigh. “He just asked me if I wanted to get brunch.”

“Mm, sounds familiar.”

Bertolt gave him a funny look and set down his drink.

“Are you… jealous?”

At that, Reiner chuckled.

“No. Honestly. I’m just glad you’re here. With me. I feel lucky.”

_“I_ feel lucky. How long until your class? And what should we do for dinner tonight?”

Reiner checked his watch, catching Bertolt’s lips tug upwards from the corner of his eye. There was a little time. 

“We can leave soon. You have to teach again in an hour anyways, right? And I don’t know about dinner. Maybe we should order in. My last class ends so late today and I don’t think I’ll want to cook.”

“Yeah, at ten. You know, I can cook.”

“You hate cooking.”

Bertolt shrugged. “It’s alright. It’s not so bad. We should probably save the money.”

“True.”

It was a comfortable quiet few minutes as they sat and sipped at their coffees. Bertolt’s knee found his beneath the table, a silent moment of intimacy shared between them. They could talk for hours, which made Reiner very happy, but there was also something about the way they could not talk together that made him feel deeply content. He had missed this and was frankly grateful that their time living apart had only been a matter of months and not years. How long since Bertolt had moved? Two months ago? No, closer to three. It was just after New Years that the tea shop opened its doors. They had spent Christmas at his parents' house, New Year's Eve with Eren and Armin, and then packed up the old truck. The drive had been cold but absolutely perfect. 

“Should probably go,” Bertolt said, interrupting his reminiscing. He glanced at his watch once more.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

The table shook at their combined retreat. Really, at his retreat, because as usual Bertolt managed to extract himself seamlessly. Swinging the backpack back on without hitting any other patrons was its own trial also. Outside the little storefront of the cafe, Bertolt gave him an extra long hug.

“I'll see you tonight. Have a good day.”

“You, too.” 

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Then Reiner was watching him making his way back down the sidewalk. Bertolt’s hair bristled in the breeze when he paused to send an over the shoulder smile back to Reiner. But before he could wave, he had slipped around the corner; gone to guide another class through their practice.

He turned around and made his way at a steady pace towards the science building. There were still a few minutes, just not enough to actually do something with. He knew he would end up five minutes early and scrolling through his phone or something, but until then the breeze was nice. What fresh hell would Hange have prepared for them today? Biology was his oddest class since day one, starting with being admonished for using the term “Professor.” It got even more interesting when he had learned that they were friends with Levi and Erwin. And just when he thought he was getting out of a small town. 

It was only a few minutes before class by the time he made it to the door, so he might as well get settled. A handful of other early birds were scattered at their tables. Instructions were poorly scribbled on the board at the front, but Hange was nowhere to be found. Unsurprising. Their haphazard professor was probably going to burst in about five minutes late with a coffee and a weird announcement of some sort. He paused midway through extracting his notebook. Fuck. He had forgotten to switch all his writing utensils, too. Hopefully there was something in here. His fingers scraped beneath a multitude of folders and textbooks before landing on something slim and faceted. Thank god. 

_This thing must be ancient._

Reiner rolled the old and dented yellow pencil between his fingers. It was dull, but it should do for the next two hours. Just in time, too. Hange threw the door open with not one, but two, to-go cups in their hands. He didn't know if them being on time was a good sign, a bad sign, or simply chance, but it made him oddly nervous. For being just a core course, this class was weirdly intense. 

He flipped open his notebook and was getting ready to attempt to capture the ideas falling rapidly and without warning from Hange's mouth but was suddenly distracted by a small note penned into the center of the page in Gabi’s messy handwriting.

_Notes are for nerds!_

He thought about the stack of seemingly empty notebooks that she had given him the day he left and hoped they would last another three years. Her randomly scratched messages, almost all of which were equally innocuous, always seemed to appear at the exact right time. He had discovered the first one his first week while he was alone, mildly panicking in the campus library and attempting to complete his first ever college assignment. It made him break into a wide grin now just as much as it had then.

“Getting good data over there, Braun?” Hange shouted. 

Data? What data? Hange's eyes looked positively wild and he would be willing to bet money that both of those coffees were double shots. 

His finger lingered over the dried ink for one last moment before turning the page.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, just wow. I'm totally amazed and thankful for all the positive feedback I've received on this fic. 
> 
> As always, thank you for being along for the ride and I hope it has been a good one!
> 
> Also, I have a confession. I spelled Bertolt like this because I got nervous at the Ao3 tag. There. I said it. Tbh, I am ok with either spelling, but I just needed to say that.


End file.
